Pain and Fame (Book 2)

Chapter 27 - Therapy Session

(Tuesday, December, 9th, 2011)

After going to one meeting I refused to go back, even though everyone involved signed a contract that they wouldn't speak to the press about me being there. I couldn't handle being there, it's just not for me. I started scheduling sessions with a therapist so I would hopefully feel more comfortable.

The last two sessions I've had with him have been okay, we talked about things that I never even talked to Marshall about. We talked about my childhood, my father especially, my last DWI, me going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, and almost dying. A bunch of things that I never bothered to talk to Marshall about.

"Um.. We were siting down watching tv.." I sighed. "Outta nowhere we started arguing, he brought up the DWI, I flipped, and I didn't know what to do" I sat on the couch in my therapists office, and said.

"It's okay, Maegan. Don't beat yourself up. Your fiancé really means something to you. I know that" Sean said.

"If he means something, why did I run away from him?" I asked.

"The same reason you work so hard to shut everybody else out. Cause you're afraid they won't like what they see" Sean said, and I nodded my head.

"How can I change that?" I asked.

"Well, for starters, you accept the fact that we all have a big, bad wolf hiding inside of us. A darkness we don't want anyone else to see" Sean said.

"Do you?" I asked.

"Of course I do" Sean said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Mhmm" Sean hummed.

"And how do you deal with your wolf?" I asked.

"Well, first of all, I accept that it was there. I made friends with it, and now I just let it out for a big meal once in a while" Sean said.

"I don't get it, cause everyone's saying that I need help cause I'm a alcoholic" I said, and air quoted the word alcoholic. "So your saying I should drink every one, and a while?" I asked. 

"That's not what I'm talking about. The minute you start to accept who you are, you just might feel free enough to share that love together" Sean said, and I sat there thinking about it. Then he got up, and grabbed a remote dimming down the lights.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'd like to talk to you through a deep relaxation technique. It might bring some things to the surface" Sean said. 

"Like?" I asked.

"Well, there must have been a time in your life when you felt powerless, right? Your abusive father, no control over your destiny . If we can bring some of those memories to the surface, we might find the root of your control, and trust issues. First I want you to close your eyes, and focus on your breathing" Sean said, and I shut my eyes, leaning back on the couch.

"I want you to count each breath, okay? In, 1, and out, 2. Just give it a try" Sean said, and I did so.

This is ridiculous.

"Now I want you to think of a time when you felt completely, and totally powerless" Sean said.

(Flashback:

"Joe.. their arguing again" I sighed as I walked into his room with Mitzie on my side.

"Like always" Joey sighed as I sat on his bed.