Life I Left Behind (A Daryl Dixon Story)

Chapter Forty-Two

Charlie

Present Day

I woke up to the sound of the bed creaking underneath me, aware of the sudden absence of the warm body that had been next to me. I forced my eyes open to see Daryl at the foot of the bed, pulling on his boots. I could tell it was almost dawn by the soft light that drifted in from one of the window outside the cell.

"What're you doin?" I asked sleepily. I watched, with a little disappointment, as Daryl grabbed his shirt from the pile on the ground and shrugged it on. He turned, looking surprised to see that I was up.

"Go back to sleep. It's too early." He grunted and finished lacing up his boots.

"So go back to sleep with me." I murmured, my eyelids still heavy with sleep. I forced myself into a sitting position, leaning back against the wall.

"I'm gonna go see who's on watch, maybe try and relieve 'em for an hour or two." Was his gruff response. He made to stand up from the bed but I reached out and grabbed one of his hands.

"Not so fast, Dixon. I don't think you're leaving here without giving me a kiss first." I said, tugging gently on his hand to pull him closer. I saw the hesitation flicker behind his eyes and I suddenly realized what this was. "You don't…regret what happened last night, do you?" I asked quietly.

Daryl immediately shook his head. "Don't be an idiot, Charlie."

"Then don't pull away from me. We both want this, Daryl. We're gonna make it work." I assured him. I placed a small kiss on the palm of his hand, watching him relax. "Now kiss me, you moron." I added lightly.

"You sure are bossy, girl." He huffed under his breath, though I recognized the playful tone that had returned to his voice. The tension in the room melted quickly as Daryl leaned over to me and brushed his lips against mine. I entangled my hands in his hair, pulling him close. Once again, it was over too soon, though, as he pulled away and stood up from the bed. He gave me one last small smile before leaving the room.

I pushed the blankets off me, stretching my arms over my head before forcing myself to stand and start dressing. Once fully clothed again, I sat back down on the bed, feeling around until I found my hair tie that had escaped at some point during the night. I was pulling my hair into a ponytail when suddenly Carol appeared in the doorway, a small bundle in her arms. I froze, knowing there was absolutely no way she had missed Daryl's departure from the room just minutes earlier. I felt my cheeks heat up, no doubt turning bright red. So much for not getting caught.

Carol cleared her throat as she stepped into the room, a knowing smile playing about her lips. "There a reason Daryl Dixon is sneaking out of your room at the crack of dawn?" She asked. I scooted over on the bed, making a space for her as she sat down. I leaned closer to her to get a glimpse of the sleeping baby she was cradling close.

"He was just…stopping by to ask something." I said, although I knew how lame the words sounded. I was a horrible liar. Carol perked an eyebrow at me and I groaned, burying my face into my hands. "Okay, okay…it's exactly what you think it is." I admitted, my voice muffled as I spoke into my palms. When I finally uncovered my face, I was sure my face was the reddest it had ever been in my entire life.

Carol let out a laugh. "Honey, you don't gotta be embarrassed about it. Especially in front of me. Haven't I been telling you this whole time that the boy's got a soft spot for you? I think it's sweet." She said, a huge smile on her face. "I won't say a word, though. If you're trying to keep it a secret.

I nodded. "I think that would be best for right now. We haven't really talked about, you know...what we are now or anything like that." I said quietly. "God, I'm starting to feel guilty though. After everything that happened yesterday with Lori…and meanwhile Daryl and I are…well, you know."

Carol shook her head. "What happened yesterday was horrible and tragic, but you shouldn't let it stop you from doing something that's gonna make you happy, dear."

I let out a sigh. "Thanks, Carol."

"No problem, Charlie. You wanna hold the baby?"

I peered down at the tiny infant in her arms before nodding. "Yes please." I held out my hands as Carol carefully passed the Grimes baby to me and I held her close, watching her little chest rise and fall with every single breath. "She's perfect."

"I know. She's a beautiful little girl." Carol beamed. I smiled back at her, realizing how much this little baby girl must make her miss her own daughter. It made my heart hurt for her. I looked back down at the baby. She really was perfect, untouched by all the madness going on around her. No idea what the world was really like. I wished there was a way for us to protect her from that, but deep down I knew there wasn't. "I came to get you because we decided to have a meeting. Rick's gone, took off last night and still hasn't come back. I think he went looking for Lori's body." The older woman said sadly. "I told the others to leave him be. That he'll come back when he's ready. In the meantime, though, there's a lot we need to figure out."

"Okay. Do you mind if I carry her downstairs?" I asked, rocking the infant back and forth in my arms.

Carol shook her head. "Not at all."

We both stood up then and made our way through the row of cells and down the stairs into the common area. The others were already all gathered there, Daryl included. Our eyes met and I felt a jolt of electricity rush through me. I watched as his gaze traveled to the baby in my arms, his expression unreadable. I forced myself to look back at the rest of the group, though, relieved to see everyone else there and unhurt.

"Okay, so." Glenn began. I realized then that he was trying to assume the role of leader while Rick was absent. I appreciated this, knowing full well that Rick was in no shape or form to be doing any sort of leading. "First things first, yesterday we all know what happened. Someone from inside the prison cut a hole in the fence and triggered the prison alarms. Rick, Daryl, and I found the generator room and inside was someone dressed in prison uniform. We figured he must have been one of the few inmates who managed to survive and was trying to run us out for moving in on his territory. We had no choice but to take him down." Glenn said, shaking his head. "Anyways, we need some people to help repair the fences and clear out the walkers from the yard again. And we also need volunteers to go get some supplies. Mainly baby formula because I bet the kid is hungry as hell." He said, nodding towards the baby in my arms.

"I'll go on a run." Daryl piped up. "I remember seein' some daycares when we're on the road. Bet I could find 'em again."

"I'll go, too." I added, glancing over my shoulder at Daryl. He opened his mouth to argue, no doubt to spout off some bullshit about how it was too dangerous. I shot him a look. "I'm coming with you whether you want me to or not."

"Alright, fine. We need to get goin' then, though. Glenn's right, that kid needs to eat."

Beth was seated at one of the tables near my right and jumped up when I nodded at her to take the baby from my arms. "Do we need anything else while we're out?" I asked, after carefully handing the infant to Beth.

"Not that I can think of. Just get as much formula as you can get your hands on. We'll go through it fast." Herschel answered me, peering over Beth's shoulder to smile at the baby.

I nodded. "Lemme grab my things and I'll meet you outside." I said to Daryl, who was standing by the door waiting for me.

I hurried back to my cell to grab the rest of my weapons, making sure to holster my gun, though it was the last thing I really ever wanted to use. Within minutes, I was outside blinking in the bright sunlight. Daryl was already on his bike, revving the engine.

"Come on, woman! Ain't got all day!" He hollered at me over the noise. I rolled my eyes ad jogged over to him, carefully climbing on before wrapping my arms around his middle.

"You know where we're going?" I asked.

I felt him shrug. "Got somewhat of an idea." I heard him say before gunning the engine, the bike shooting off through the gate that T-Dog had pulled open for us. He waved at us as we passed through, shouting out something that sounded like 'good luck'.

It was the first time I had been outside the prison since we had arrived a few weeks earlier. It felt good to get outside the walls and leave it behind, at least for a little while. Not much was said while we drove, though the bike was so loud it would have been hard to hear much of anything as it was. Instead, I watched as we passed by miles of forest and fields on the country road, passing by the occasional abandoned farm. Eventually, we came to what looked like a small little town, tucked in the middle of nowhere. Daryl slowed down on the bike, finally coming to a stop and shutting the engine. The quiet was immense after hearing the roar of the engine in my ears for the past half hour or so.

"I remember seein' this town on our way through. Good as place as any to check." Daryl said, loading his crossbow.

I nodded, the ghost town sending eerie chills up and down my spine. I pulled out my hunting knife, keeping it in my hand just in case. We made our way up the desolate street, eyeing all the buildings for some kind of sign that the broken down little shops had what we needed. We hadn't gone very far before I caught sight of what looked like a school or daycare. I pointed towards the building, where there were rows of finger paintings in the windows and various flower stickers peeling from the glass.

"Let's try there." I suggested. Daryl followed my gaze and nodded, leading the way across the street. The door was jammed shut and it took Daryl a few tries, ramming it with his shoulder, before it finally gave. He pushed it open as far as it would go and we both slipped inside. I saw on the other side that a heavy table had been propped in front of the door to keep it from opening.

It looked like a pre-school, one that had been bright and colorful and cheerful. The walls had been painted what looked like sunshine yellow, but had now faded. Papers and art supplies littered the floors as we crept further inside, eyes and ears open for any sign that we weren't alone. I could imagine what this place had been like before the outbreak, full of kids and laughter. It was probably a happy place here. Now it was dirty and run down and reeked of death, much like everywhere else I'd been. I found myself hoping, though, that each and every one of the little ones that had been here had somehow found a way to stay alive. I couldn't bear the thought of so many children dying.

"This looks like the nursery." Daryl suddenly said, poking his head into a room that ran off the hallway. I followed him in. At least half a dozen cribs sat in the room, as well as two changing tables and a sink. I stepped over a raggedy looking doll and towards the cupboards over the sink. I pulled one open and let out a sigh of relief, smiling over my shoulder at Daryl.

"Jackpot!" I exclaimed. I started pulling out a can of formula and setting it on the counter. By the time I had finished checking every last cupboard, we had three canisters. It wasn't a lot, but it would get us by for now. Daryl had just finished putting them all inside a backpack when I suddenly heard a rustling sound that seems to be coming from just outside the hall. I froze, meeting Daryl's gaze. He pressed a finger to his lips before signaling to follow him out into the hallway.

I gripped my knife tightly in my hand as we followed the sound to a closet at the end of the hallway. Daryl motioned for me to pull it open, his crossbow at the ready. I nodded, grabbing the metal door handle. Once I was sure he was ready, I pulled open the door and quickly ducked out of the way as an arrow whizzed through the air, hitting something with a thud.

I saw Daryl's shoulders suddenly relax as he lowered the crossbow. "Son of a bitch." He said, shaking his head though there was a small smirk on his lips.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion before peering around the door to see his arrow embedded in a little possum. I let out a laugh. "False alarm."

"Well, at least we have dinner now." Daryl said, the smirk on his lips growing. I eyed him wearily.

"I hope to god that you're kidding. That thing has probably been stuck in there eating glue and crayons for weeks."

Daryl rolled his eyes. "Don't be such a baby." He teased.

I shook my head, but couldn't stop the small little smile that formed on my lips as I brushed past him and headed back to the nursery. I gathered up the backpack filled with formula, pulling the straps over my shoulders. I looked up to see Daryl leaning against the door frame, waiting for me.

"You know, Carol saw you leaving the cell this morning." I suddenly said, turning to look at him.

He shifted uncomfortably. "I know. Almost ran into her on my way out."

I brushed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. "Well, I told her not to say anything to anyone. Not until we decide what we want to tell people…about us. If you want there to be an 'us' that is." I said quietly, fidgeting a little. I felt stuck for words, unsure of how to say what I was really thinking. I couldn't just outright ask Daryl to be my boyfriend or something. Even in my head it sounded incredibly stupid and juvenile. I finally decided, though, that I had to make it clear that he was what I wanted, more than anything. "I want to be with you, Daryl. I want to be together. If that's what you want."

He shuffled his feet a little, switching his weight from one foot to the other before finally lifting his eyes to mine. "Come on, Charlie." He began quietly. "You know damn well that's what I've wanted for as long as I've known you."

I couldn't fight back the smile tugging at the corners of my lips as those words left his mouth, the ones I had been desperately hoping I'd get to hear. I crossed the room in a few short strides before gently pulling him closer to me, my hands cupping the back of his neck. "Then you can't be afraid to act like it. If we're gonna do this, then I want to do it right. No hesitation." I said. "Remember what I said this morning? We've both waited a hell of a long time for this to finally happen…I don't want you to push me away. I care about you, a lot." I admitted, my voice a little shakier than what I would have liked it to be.

"I won't." Daryl assured me, confidence ringing in his tone. I felt his arms encircle my waist as he dipped his head down to brush his lips against my own. It didn't last long, but it was enough to send my pulse into overdrive. When he finally pulled away, he looked at me long and hard. "I ain't goin' anywhere, girl. I promise."

I buried my face into his chest, breathing in his musky scent as he held me closer. "What should we tell the others?" I murmured into his shirt. "Should we wait to say anything?"

I felt Daryl shrug. "Might be for the best right now, with what's happening and all."

I nodded before finally pulling back. "I think so, too. But just for a little while."

"Just for a little while." He agreed.

I smiled, creeping up on my tippy toes to place a kiss on his check. "Let's head back then, Dixon. We got a baby to feed."

It didn't take long to get back to the prison. When we walked inside, I was made aware of the loud cries of a newborn infant.

"Did you find any?" Maggie asked, hurrying over to me. I nodded as I unzipped my pack on the table, pulling out one of the formula containers along with a bottle. Maggie brought over a jug of water and helped me carefully mix it together.

"There. That should be enough." I finally said, holding out the bottle to Maggie.

"Can I?" Daryl asked suddenly, stepping in between us. Maggie and I shared looks of surprised before nodding. I handed him the bottle and watched as he approached Carl who was rocking his little sister back and forth in a desperate attempt to calm her down. Daryl gently lifted her, cradling her into the nook of his arms. We were all quiet as we watched him coax her into taking the bottle. There was a unanimous feeling of relief when the baby finally began eating. Daryl lifted his eyes away from her, meeting my own gaze, a small smile on his lips.

I sank down into a chair as I watched him. He was unbelievably gentle with her, especially for someone I knew to have almost zero experience with kids of any age. The way he held her, it was like he was holding a china doll made of glass. I could tell the others were surprised to see this nurturing, gentle side of Daryl that I had always known was there. Watching him hold that baby was incredibly sweet and made me even crazier about him.

"She got a name yet?" He asked Carl.

The young boy shook his head. "I was thinking about maybe calling her Sophia. But then there's Andrea, too, and Patricia, Jackie…and Lori. I don't know." He said, the utter sadness apparent in his voice as he named off every female we had lost. He averted his eyes to the floor.

"You like that, lil asskicker." Daryl suddenly said, speaking softly to the baby. "That's a good name, right?" He asked, a smile on his face. I grinned a little, Maggie laughing next to me. There was a peacefulness in the room suddenly as we all watched Daryl cradle this little force of life in his arms. For a few minutes, it felt like everything might be okay.