I got to see Thomas today :D But we're still trying to ignore our feelings and be less "about" each other. Focus on our goals and get our lives together and figured out before we focus on each other. It'll be two weeks on Friday that we've held this deal & I'm already freaking out that I've lost his love. It's stupid I know, but him loving me was so new you know? I just don't want it to fade away...although I realize that if it does than it wasn't real love & that's probably what I'm truly worried about: that it isn't really love that he feels for me & that the infatuation will wear off and then I'll lose him and if I lose Thomas...
I love him. It'll be 50 times as worse as breaking up w/ Keith. I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably move to Italy just to get away from all the pain and seeing him & then I'd learn Italian that much faster and better and I could fulfill my goal and there you go. It's been my dream for so long now to learn Italian and move to Italy & help out there. I just don't feel any direction from God at all. I wish I knew if He were behind this at all or if this is just my dream & it's not His care at all. Is Burmese what he wants me to help out with? I've heard it a couple times and have been given opportunities to go. I know I should talk and ask about it with Him in prayer. I keep meaning to, but I always think of so many things to pray about I just can never seem to get it all out.
It's like my To-Do list; there's so much on it & a lot of it repeats. Praying is like washing a car: you have to do it regularly or things get neglected & you feel bad about yourself. I need to change. And I'm going to. I am resolving to change. Now I just need the motivation...things are getting a tiny bit better at Dad's house. I mean, I still don’t understand Faye some (actually MOST) times, I still hate my father underneath everything, he still is an alcoholic & Faye's his enabler, but I guess things are less rocky than they were last year. Another thing I need to pray about. And I need a job, a regular real one so I can get out of here. I'm so done dealing & living w/ Dad & Faye. I'm ready to be a free woman & do things on my own and worry about me & God & no one else. Ugh. So tired of having a stupid curfew and asking to go places and getting in trouble for stupid-A** things. I'm through with them being so freaking unreasonable over insignificant little things! I want to scream at them and run away. [So I guess things AREN'T getting better at dad's house...]
-Rane C.
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The Diary Project 2-Relationships
Non-FictionRane's almost out of high school and she's already out of her first relationship. How will her newly budding friendship with Thomas fare? And will she be able to hold her life together as she moves into the newest phase of her life?
