Okay, when I said "not thinking about the end" I didn't expect it to come that night! Last night Thomas called me up all depressed & said his parents had talked to him and now we're back to square one: we have to stop flirting & pretend not to like each other. GAH! Why can't we like each other & stay that way?!? Huff! Last night we talked for an hour just staying on the phone in silence. I occasionally huffed & he'd puff but we succeeded in blowing the house down...twice my phone/his phone disconnected so I got to cry in between & then when we talked again he'd notice it right away & then try to cheer me up.
Ugh he's SO FREAKING SWEET & NICE to me! There's no way in hell I'm going to get over that boy. We've started to have semi-serious-future-conversations though. In 2 years when I'm 20 & he's 21, we'll see/date. And even on that I'm skimping because I'd like to be 21 & have the guy (Thomas obviously) live through his first test year of alcohol so I can see how he's done/doing. [Thomas is doing very well with alcohol and he's 22 now.] And I think it'd be awkward if we were still living at home while dating...but I guess that's where the whole taking our time thing comes into play. He wants to date for a long time & so do I, so there'd be time for some changes.
It's interesting. I told Thomas that I think he'll be over me in two years & he told me that he finds me holding onto him impossible. But we'll see. My psychic prediction is that I'm totally still all over him & he's backed away, possibly into another girl's arms. [Spoiler alert: remember this prediciton.]
Although, I'm the first & possibly only girl he's liked sooo I could be wrong. [I'm not this vain anymore, I take back this sentence.] But now I'm not that depressed because he let me make him happy & we're waiting till Monday to officially stop. Yes, I know putting off the inevitable but we're teenagers; we like to hang onto stuff as long as we can even if it hurts us. So there! Lol.
Ugh! I want to be with him, be his, to be his, wrapped in his arms, talking to him, dating him, touching & feeling him. [We got that like 5 entries ago...] I'd say I'm in love but I won't & can't. keith definitely taught me self-control in the love department. *rolls eyes* I say "I Luff You" instead because I made that up to describe my feelings towards things that doesn't necessarily merit love. I don't know how I'm going to survive these next two years.
-Rane C.
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The Diary Project 2-Relationships
Non-FictionRane's almost out of high school and she's already out of her first relationship. How will her newly budding friendship with Thomas fare? And will she be able to hold her life together as she moves into the newest phase of her life?
