Two of a kind (phan and kickthestickz)

Chipter 35

Some of this is a little weird as I wrote a lot of it when I was tired, you will probably guess where I was falling asleep. Also the doctor who references because I saw the 50th yesterday and all I can say is holy shit. Times a million.



It had been a week. And things were getting a bit weird. Having Dan around him was great but painful at the same time. It was also really confusing, sometimes Dan would be all chatty and happy and other times he would be quiet, and Phil was getting worried again. He just didn't understand what to do and how to stop his mind from destroying itself. So he sort of stayed away. Was quiet in lessons and more and distant from Dan and as close to Damian as possible, who he seriously hoped had gotten over him. (They were becoming more platonic really he thought.)


He had gone up to town alone the other day though to find something for Pj's birthday, which was the Saturday. He looked around for ages, haunting clothes shops and music shops and as many geeky things as he could find. In the end phil found a mug that looked like a camera lens, and because Pj had a affinity for filming things and taking pictures he thought it was perfect. He brought him that and a black beanie (because who doesn't need a black beanie?) and then quickly stopped off at Shakeaway and got himself a milkshake, remembering when himself and Damian went when they were meeting Chris and Pj to explain the whole shit they were in. It didn't help the that girl with the bright hair was there again, and seemed to recognise Phil, adding her number to his cup which he binned as soon as he was done. He didn't think she noticed he only ever seemed to be around with boys, or the flaming homo coming out of him. Oh well, hopefully soon she would stop working there so Phil wouldn't keep feeling guilty. Cross fingers.



Somehow on the Thursday he managed not to say a word to Dan. He accidentally blanked him all day, even when he openly talked to him, and then tension had risen. He was self conscious about everything he was doing and seemed to be noticing everything about Dan. His hair was slightly wavy and he looked tired, his eyes were slightly red at the edges and his hands were curled into fists on the desk, his fingers smudged with ink meaning he had been pressing down with his pen too hard. Phil realised halfway through a lesson that he had slowly turned into Sherlock, and tried to keep his thoughts on his work, instead of wanting to wipe away the tiredness from Dan's eyes and make him all better. Which is how he ended up avoiding him. He was so busy trying not to think of him he couldn't focus on talking to him, or anything really. Socialising was becoming difficult, and he could only do it when Dan wasn't around.


Friday then became the most awkward experience ever. Neither of them said a word to each other. Sat in silence while they classes around them chatted happily. The only time Phil talked in class was when he was alone with Damian in maths, and that was his main socialising of the day, and he hardly remembered any of it. He did manage to find out that Damian had got Pj a bow tie and braces for his birthday. If that didn't say what kind of person Damian was from that present then Phil didn't know what would. He dodged Damian after school though and rushed home, telling Damian he had to help his mum with something and leaving him with a hug, when really he just wanted to avoid Dan. He couldn't stand anymore awkward silences made from tension between them. And there was enough tension to cut with a lightsaber.



He woke up the next day and smashed his hand against his alarm, groaning. It wasn't the time he would usually get up, but the incessant ringing of his clock just made his mindset think school, and not a great day hanging out with his friends. And Dan. Blanking Dan for the past few days probably hadn't been the wisest idea, especially if they would have to act normal today to not ruin Pj's birthday. He realised he hadn't actually wrapped his present yet and dragged himself out of his bed and still in his pyjamas, rummaged around on top of his wardrobe to grab wrapping paper, scissors and cellotape before pulling Pj's mug from his desk draw and laying everything out on the floor, only then realising his problem. He only had Christmas wrapping paper. Oh. Oh well. He put the mug in its box on the paper and cut enough spare around it so it would wrap well an taping up the edges. Then he had a brainwave. Well
More of a ripple really. He grabbed a black sharpie off his desk and started crossing off everywhere on his present that said Christmas, crossing off the last 4 letters of each sentence. He then added a couple of words to the end of each and chuckled at his work. All over it it now read 'happy Chris and Pj' with random scribbles in the middle. He did the same with the hat and taped them together. Perfect. Pj hated wrapping presents anyway so this would probably make him hate it a little less.


He finally stumbled up and placed the present on his desk again, now fully wrapped and hobbled into his bathroom, showering and making himself look presentable before deciding on clothes and grabbing his breakfast. He realised he could had woken up about half an hour later and still have time to spare and groaned when he saw the time. He cursed himself for wanting to be punctual and getting ahead of himself.


After a massive bowl of cereal he texted Chris asking if he should get there early or not, to which Chris replied:


Well I am going to get there about 10 minutes early so arrive on time so I can give Pj enough kisses that you guys don't complain later x


You are too thoughtful sometimes :3 okay I will come at the normal time, just for you x


Phil replied and shoved his phone in his pocket, wondering if he should do anything for the next half hour or so. He decided he would pack a bag, grabbing food he had bought when buying Pj's present and shoving it into a backpack, along with his actual present. He still had some time left so he flicked on the TV, and channel surfed until he saw that Doctor Who was on. Problem solved.


He only realised what the time was when David Tennants Doctor was about to regenerate.
"I don't want to go," the Doctor whispered, tears starting to stream down his face.
"I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO EITHER," Phil shouted, tears starting to head towards his eyes. He quickly looked up at the clock and realised he had 5 minutes to get to Pj's house, which was 10 minutes away. Crap. He grabbed the remote and smashed the off button, slinging his backpack on and quickly pulling on shoes, cursing at the laces before running out the house, almost tripping over his feet. He got to the end of his road and then realised- he hadn't actually picked up the present. He raced back, fumbling with his keys in the door and zoomed upstairs, grabbing the gift and shoving it in his backpack before rushing out his house again and running along the roads to get to Pj's house. He was going to be late.



He got there 5 minutes after he was meant to be there and was panting when he rang the doorbell. Pj appeared at the door grinning and Phil instantly hugged him.
"Happy birthday!" He said happily, pulling away. "Sorry I'm a bit late, I was watching ten regenerate and trying not to cry," Phil explained and Pj nodded solemnly.
"I understand. Now come in! Everyone is here and I want to open my presents!" Pj said excitedly, grabbing Phil and dragging him inside. He was pulled into Pj's front room where everyone was already siting, chatting and laughing. Pj sat on the sofa next to Chris, kissing his cheek and nuzzling into him a little. Phil sat down on one of the chairs and smiled at Damian.
"Hey Dame," he said happily, then he accidentally caught Dan's eye, smiling softly and looking away. "Hey Dan," he added quietly and Dan nodded back shyly. Damian shot Phil a confused look but then spoke up before the awkwardness spread over the room.
"Okay Peej open my present first!" He said, opening his bag and pulling out a squishy parcel covered in spotty paper and handed it to him.


Pj ripped of the paper excitedly and the braces and spotty bow tie fell out onto his lap.
"I love them! Thank you Dame," he said happily, standing up and putting the bow tie around the neck of his shirt and clipping the braces to his trousers and pulling them on.
"Oh I like geeky Peej," Chris said winking and Pj winked back.
"Okay mine now!" Dan cut in before Pj and Chris started making out. He handed Pj a small rectangular package in the same paper as Damian's and Pj opened it, revealing a small bright green mole skin notebook.
"It's great it's just what I need, thanks Dan," Pj said graciously and stroked along the spine.
"It won't start biting Pj it's not for Care of magical creatures," Phil joked and Pj laughed putting it aside. "Mine now," Phil told him and pulled it out of his bag, handing it over to Pj.
"'Happy Chris and Pj'?" He read and laughed.
"I only had Christmas paper so I customised it," Phil explained and they all laughed. Pj separated the packages and and opened the soft one first, smiling as the beanie appeared in his hands and pulled it on, sorting out his fringe after. He then opened the square package and saw the mug box and grinned.
"These are awesome! Thanks Phil!" He said and blushed, he looked so happy.


"Right, now for my present. Pj close your eyes okay?" Chris told him, standing up and walking out of the room and they heard the front door click.
"Is he going outside?" Pj whispered to them and none of them knew what to say, but then Chris walked in with his present. A big red bow was tied around it and he gestured for Phil, Dan and Damian to move everything off the coffee table. One it was clear he laid it down gently on the table and plucked a string gently.
"Open your eyes Peej," he said quietly and his eyes slowly opened and filled with tears when he saw what was in front of him. The guitar he had fallen in love with a few weeks back from the music shop.
"How did you? How...?" He asked quietly, still gazing at it.
"I had been saving up to get myself something but, when I saw how much you wanted this I thought getting you your guitar was more important," Chris shrugged modestly. Pj jumped up and tackled Chris into a huge bear hug, both of them stumbling as Pj smashed his lips against Chris's in a simple but passionate kiss, pulling back after a few seconds and wiping a tear from his cheek.


"I love you so much," Pj told him and kissed him again. "But you shouldn't have, it was so expensive! You didn't have to spend that much on me," he told him, smiling a huge smile as his eyes watered.
"I did because I love you with all my heart okay? Now play some funky music white boy," he told him and Pj laughed, kissing him again before picking up the guitar and sitting down with it, plucking a few strings and a look of awe spreading over his face.
"What should I play?" He asked everyone and they shrugged, and Pj looked at Chris, who just smiled at him. He started to pluck a tune and sing quietly along to it.


"Well I'd like to visit the moon, on a rocketship high in the air, yes I'd like to visit the moon, but I don't think I'd wanna stay there. I'd like to look down at the earth from above but I'd miss all the places and people I love so although I might like it for one afternoon, I don't wanna live on the moon," he sang softly, staring at Chris shyly and blushing while he sang. As soon as he finished Chris stood back up and kissed him, the guitar pressed between them and Phil grinned, knowing how there would be no one better for either of them than each other. He saw Damian smiling too and even sent the same grin over to Dan, who returned it, and Phil instantly felt better.



"Right, movie time!" Chris shouted as soon as he moved away from Pj after a short while.
"Someone close the curtains," Pj called and pulled Chris's onto his lap and cuddled him tightly. Damian went over to the curtains and shut them, turning off the lights but keeping one lamp on.
"I'll get snacks," Phil told them and grabbed them from the kitchen quickly, walking back through and shoving them on the little coffee table.
"Everyone of the sofa we can fit," Pj ordered and the all squashed on, Chris still on Pj's lap (and half of Damian's) while Dan sat next to the couple and Phil was wedged in next to him at the end. He would rather be in Damian's place, he wasn't sure about sitting this close to Dan, their body's pressed against each other tightly, but he wouldn't complain.
"What movie are we even watching?" Dan asked and Pj moved his arms around Chris and grabbed the remote from the table and turned the DVD player and TV on, waiting until the menu screen appeared. The woman in black. Phil held his breath, he hated scary movies but had always pretended he didn't. He hoped he could cope as Damian turned off the remaining lamp and they were pressed into darkness.



He wasn't coping very well. His body was fully tense and the woman hadn't even appeared properly yet, but now Daniel Radcliffe was walking into the bedroom full of creepy toys, and he shook slightly as the first one started playing.
"That monkey is obviously the murderer," Chris said loudly, munching popcorn. They all sniggered apart from Phil, who was trying his best not to run out of the room. Chris made another comment which made everyone laugh, but Phil couldn't catch it, he was far too scared. While the others were laughing he felt Dan lean closer to him.
"Are you okay? I know you hate horror films, don't worry, it won't hurt you I promise," he whispered to Phil quietly and Phil nodded, his mouth glued together by sticky fear.


The movie got worse. Phil almost felt as if his blood had stopped running he was so scared. He wish he could control his body and make himself normal, laughing at the scary parts instead of them, well, terrifying him. Suddenly the woman appeared and Phil jumped violently, his hand reaching out and gripping Dan's arm tightly. He quickly let go, gripping his own knee instead.
"Sorry," he muttered to Dan.
"It's okay, it is pretty terrifying," Dan replied and Phil nodded, releasing his grip on his knee now that the film was less tense. After a while he was getting a bit uncomfortable and stretched out a little and Dan did the same next to him, stretching his arms upwards and laying them on the back of the sofa. Phil would have don't the same in his situation, but he was still too tensed up from the film.


The next time he jumped, it was a big one. He let out a tiny whimper and instantly turned and his his face in Dan's shoulder, feeling his arm move protectively around him. He felt slightly more safe, but then Dan jumped and the music hit Phil's brain, making his hand reach out and snatch Dan's, gripping it so tightly he was probably cutting off the circulation, but Dan just squeezed him tighter and rubbed small circles on the back of it, making Phil relax a little more.


Phil was slowly cutting away from the film, hardly hearing the audio anymore that was making it so much more scary. But this was letting his brain think. It started screaming at him, asking what he was doing cuddling, cuddling, with Dan! He shouldn't be doing that at all... But it made him feel safe, Dan made him feel safe- but Dan had cheated on him and lost his trust- yet Phil was trusting him to keep him safe from harm right this second? So when Dan jumped Phil stood up quickly, gabbled something about getting some water and rushed trough to the kitchen, leaning heavily on the sink before grabbing a glass and gulping it down, then pouring another and rolling the coolness across his forehead, breathing heavily and trying to calm himself.


*****


"What was that about?" Chris whispered quietly once Phil had left.
"Er guys, Phil is kinda really scared of horror movies. I found out when I asked him to watch Scream with me and he wouldn't take his head out of my shirt for most of the movie. I told him a wouldn't say because people would tease him so I haven't said anything until now, but guys can you just act natural and like you don't know to save his pride? And make it easier by not watching horror films when he's around if that's alright?" Dan asked them all and they nodded silently. "I'm going to go check if he's okay, keep watching,"


*****


He was slowly managing to get his breathing back to a more normal level when Dan walked through the door.
"Are you okay?" He asked tentatively and Phil shook his head.
"No," he replied quietly. Dan held his arms out for a hug but Phil quickly shook his head again, still looking at the ground, clasping his glass tightly. "No. No funny business. I shouldn't have cuddled you earlier I'm sorry," he said and Dan stepped closer to him and tilted his chin to look him in the eyes.
"I am not trying anything with you Phil I promise. I know that might not mean much to you consider you still can't trust me, but I just want to give you a hug and make you feel safe. I am not trying anything okay? Now come on, hug me," he told him, holding out his arms again and Phil hesitated for a few seconds before putting down his glass and melting into them, clutching him tightly. "It is fine Phil I promise. Nothing will hurt you. I would never let any scary monster do that, apart from myself, which I wish I had been able to stop. But I will protect you from that woman as she won't be able to harm someone with eyes your colour. It is a fact that she only goes for people with green eyes, meaning Pj is screwed and Chris might not survive," he said making Phil chuckle and pull away, sniffing a little.
"Thanks Dan," he said, smiling slightly at him and starting to walk back through the kitchen, stopping a little before the door and turning around to face him. "And I don't think you're a monster," he added quietly, before leaving the room properly and sitting back on the sofa at the edge, Dan walking in and sitting down a few seconds after him.


The next film they picked was lord of the rings, and they ended up watching all of them until it was late at night.
"Guys, I am very emotional and tired, I am going home," Damian said and stood up, yawning and stretching.
"Me too," Phil said doing the same.
"Yeah me too" Dan added and stood up too. "And you two probably want us out the way so you can celebrate Pj's birthday properly," Dan winked at them and they both went slightly red.
"Yeah we're leaving," Phil confirmed and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and seeing Damian and Dan doing the same. "Thanks Pj, I hope you had a good birthday," he told him, hugging him and smiling. He hugged Chris but didn't get the same kind of response.
"Phil can I talk to you for a second in the kitchen please?" He whispered in his ear and Phil nodded. Chris finally got off Pj's lap (who was now hugging Dan and Damian) and they walked through the Chris shut the door behind them. "I saw you cuddling Dan earlier," he said warily and Phil ran a hand through his hair. "It's okay don't come up with a random excuse I know you're scared of horror films, I have known you a while remember, so I was just wondering. It was out of scaredness right, you weren't leading him on were you?"
"I wasn't. I was really scared and a natural reaction. And when he came through in the kitchen I told him I was just scared and that no funny business should happen if he has gotten the wrong idea and he was a friend about it, gave me a hug and told me he knew that and just wanted to make me feel better," Phil explained and Chris nodded.
"Oh good," he said and smiled and they walked back through to the others.


"Where's Damian?" Chris asked as they noticed he was missing.
"He went home because he was struggling to stay awake but I thought I would wait and walk with Phil," Dan said and smiled softly at Phil.
"Thanks Dan, bye guys," he said.
"Have fun," Dan winked again and Chris twanged one of Pj's braces seductively and Dan and Phil quickly left the house, managing to escape with only hearing the sound of a jacket being pulled off.
"Well that is a horrible image now in my head," Dan commented as they walked along the cold streets.
"Yep, I feel a little sick," Phil said and they laughed a little, trailing into an awkward silence.


"I'm sorry I have been sort of ignoring you for the past few days," Phil broke, tucking his hands in his pockets and hunching over in shame.
"It's alright," Dan said casually.
"It's not really, you're my friend, my Dan, I have just had a lot to think about," Phil explained and Dan nodded.
"I know and that's okay," he confirmed and Phil smiled at him.
"You're the best you know,"
"I might know,"
"Well now you do,"
"That depends, see-"
"Daaaannn,"
"Okay, I am the best."


They stopped outside Phil's house and smiled awkwardly before Phil raised his arms and they hugged tightly for a few seconds, before pulling back. Phil stared at Dan for a few seconds and caught his eye. He opened his mouth slightly to thank him for being so lovely a friend but suddenly Dan's lips were pressed against his own. Before he started to kiss back he managed to push Dan away, glaring at him.
"No! Dan I told you no funny business and you just... I felt like I was trusting you again, but I don't get why I do when you do things like that. Just go Dan, and just stop." Phil told him harshly and turned and walked up to his door, twisting his key into the lock and walking inside and closing the door behind him without even looking back.


Dan Howell had broken his trust too many times, and now he had given up the hope he could ever forgive him.




Drama! And I only have 3 chapters left :o will I fix this all in time? (Of course I will)

ALSO YOU KNOW HOW I NEVER HAVE ANY LIFE UPDATES? I DO TODAY! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND :3 it's also kinda like a Dan and Phil thing as I haven't met her before as I met her on tumblr but she is perfect and too cute for words :3


Also (as I am a soppy piece of shit) as I have been crushing on her for a while in like chapter 30 if you remember the girls who were a couple in the shop, that was kinda me and her... Ra is Rachel (my girlyfriend) and Lissy is me as my full name is Anneliese and my family call me Lisi and Lissy is like that so yeah :3 I am gonna go curl up in a hole and blush for a while :p


Anyways (I can't stop smiling)


Stay smiley unlike Miley (as she's not doing the best really is she?)


Anni out!


*posts a letter through your door and when you open it it shines a rainbow over you and covers you in sparkles* (sorry about the mess)

Update: my girlfriend has been reading through the comments and loves you all