Alex sat at the table staring at the mounds of food on his plate. No one pointed out how slow he was eating or how he needed to take frequent breaks. They talked about everything under the sun until their bellies were full and hearts content. Liz took Alex's plate and wrapped it up before putting it in the fridge while Alex played with the ever growing baby babbling at him.
This Christmas was more depressing than the last. The lights didn't seem to twinkle as much and the normally adored scents of home and Holiday were dull. Gifts were passed around, and excitement was forced. Alex did his best to put on a show complete with grand smile and laughing. It wasn't the same, but he was okay, he was grateful.
As the sun set, the baby was sound asleep, exhausted from crawling into every nook and cranny he could find. Melani was on her third slice of pie and Tori and Ashley were staring at each other like they were puppies in love. Classic Christmas movies played quietly in the background, and much like the previous Christmas, to those outside looking in, life seemed perfect. Alex wanted to feel what they were feeling so badly. He wanted to sprawl out on the couch and sink into the joy that they were all experiencing.
Alex sat back and took it all in until his father quietly gestured for him to follow. He slipped on a thick coat and followed David outside. It was mild for that time of the year, but still cold enough to make him wonder if snow was coming that night. A mug was placed in his hands and he sighed as the warm cider slid down his throat.
"How are you doing, kid? Really?" David asked seriously, but gently.
Alex took in the night sky. He followed the trails of stars as he thought. "I think I'm doing okay. Today I am anyway. The therapist says that only today matters, but I think that's bullshit. What if today's okay and every day after sucks?"
David laughed, his head shaking slightly. "Tomorrow today will be yesterday."
Alex shook his head, taking a long sip of the bone warming drink. "I've been writing Roman letters since a short time after I started school. I have no address, but I don't think I'd ever want him to read those things. I just write it all down."
"Does it help?"
"It does. It's stupid, I know." Alex shrugged.
"It's not stupid. He makes you feel safe. It's a good idea; especially if it helps."
"Every night I wish that he would just come home. Even if he doesn't want me anymore, I just wish he was here. I know we're not kids anymore and life happens, but- I don't know. I need to know that he's safe and taken care of. We've always taken care of each other, ya know? Sometimes, I don't think I'll be able to breathe and it's terrifying. No one said being in love was so dangerous," Alex said, a blush forming on his cheeks from speaking so bluntly to his father.
"That kind of love is the reason for some of the greatest tragedies in history. You're stronger than that though, Alex. You both are, and everything's going to be okay in its own way," David said confidently.
Alex sat on the edge of the back porch with a tired, content sigh. His father sat beside him moments later and Alex let his heavy head rest on his father's broad shoulder. That's how they stayed until the back door was flung open and Liz was grabbing Alex's arm and thrusting a phone into his hand.
He looked at his flustered mother like she had grown a second head. He pressed the phone to his ear and seconds after he said hello, his mind was reeling. Mandy's nervous, tired voice responded to him and then spoke the words he never thought he would hear.
"Alex, I hope I didn't wake you," she said hesitantly. "I just wanted to let you know that Roman is coming home."
***
