Melani twirled Alex's hair around his fingers as they lay on his bed. Ashley's head was on Alex's stomach, shifting every few minutes as he gnawed away at fruit snacks with Melani.
"You guys are going to get in trouble if you miss classes," Alex muttered as he fought sleep. Both of his friends scoffed and continued their activities. "Mike's right."
Ashley's fingers stopped and Melani sat up. She swallowed the remaining food in her mouth and scowled.
"Ro's an idiot. Always has been, always will be. That does not mean he doesn't want you. The moron probably thinks he's protecting you in case something happens," Melani said around a mouthful of snacks.
"What if something does happen?"
"Don't think like that, Alex. You said that you would be waiting for him to come home, so do it or don't. There's no shame in either," she stated. The empty bag in her hand hit Alex in the face and Melani laughed like it all really was that simple.
It was the middle of the night when Alex's grumbling stomach made Ashley chuckle. The two of them crept downstairs in search of a late night snack. Alex picked at his food despite his obvious hunger while Ashley simply sighed tiredly.
"I'm sorry about what I did. Kissing you, I mean," Ashley finally said.
"Do you have feelings for me?" Alex asked bluntly.
Ashley's eyes slightly widened before he sighed. "You're probably one of the greatest friends I've ever had, but I don't think I have romantic feelings for you. I guess Holidays and alcohol..." he shrugged sheepishly.
Alex chuckled lightly as he nodded. "You're a good friend, Ash."
Alex rested his chin on Ashley's shoulder when the larger man pulled him into a tight hug. He hadn't thought that college would bring anyone new into his life in a serious way, but it had and quickly at that. He was grateful for Melani and Ashley, probably more than he knew he would be able to tell them. They never judged or gave him generic advice like, cheer up or it will get better. They were blunt and to the point, even if it was less than favorable.
"I miss him so much," Alex voiced. Ashley sighed softly as his large fingers sifted through Alex's hair.
"I know. I know," Ashley said quietly.
***
The following months brought exhaustion above all. More often than not, Alex would wake up cramped into a small dorm bed with Ashley and covered with the textbooks they had been studying from. At some point after going back to school their relationship had grown, become one of deeper understanding than they understood themselves. Melani was a person that he knew he could talk to. She would help him sort out an issue and give solid advice that was meant to comfort. Ashley could do the same, but he was a nurturer, much like Alex. He knew that sometimes words just didn't help, that sometimes just having a warm body to lean on made things so much better, if only for a short time. There wasn't anything sexual about it. They both craved physical contact and found comfort in each other. It was strange to Alex how he could relate to two people so greatly, yet they were the complete opposites of each other.
Tori, true to her word, sent photos frequently and even some videos. They spoke over a few video chats and emails over the course of those weeks. She had even sent Alex a card for his birthday with his namesake's hand print stamped in paint. Alex could see the maternal flare in Melani's eyes as she would study the most recent baby photo. He knew that in the coming years she would want to settle down and start her own family. Melani would be a good mom, without question. He had no trouble envisioning her with a few small kids and a good husband at her side.
The smile would quickly turn into a frown when he realized that he wouldn't have that. He knew he could adopt, he could settle down with a partner, but none would be Roman. He didn't want to pick someone second best and start a life with them. He had never even really thought about that part of his potential future until it was dangled in front of him and then pulled away.
He let the chaos of college life take over, living off take out and soda while he crammed for an entire night or learning that if he ran, he could sleep in until twenty minutes before his morning class. It was a good chaos. It was an orderly chaos. The work would be there waiting to keep him distracted, though every time he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror he couldn't ignore the fact that he was changing.
He had done plenty of it since the start of the school year, but this change was different. The parties became more frequent and it became common for him to space out for an entire lecture. His appetite dropped and his alcohol intake grew. He always promised to call home more, but his calls were rushed and random at best.
Ashley didn't say anything while he pulled off Alex's clothes and dragged his smaller body into bed. He would set out a bottle of water and pain reliever before dropping onto his own bed for a few hours of asleep. Alex would scoff at Melani when she tried to talk to him about his sudden darker personality. Alex simply didn't have it in him anymore to care what anyone else thought.
"Alex, your mom is on the phone," Ashley groaned as he tried to shake Alex awake. Alex swatted at the hand shaking him and pulled his blanket over his head. "Open your eyes, asshole."
Alex threw the blankets aside, fumbling for the phone with a shaky hand. Liz sighed when Alex's hoarse voice came on the line.
"I've been trying to get ahold of you for three days, Alexander," she snapped, though the worry in her voice was evident.
"You know the place I live? It's called college. It keeps me busy," he mumbled as he rolled to his side to shield his eyes from the light.
"Are you hungover?"
"Of course not," he groaned as he began to drift back to sleep.
"What's happening to you, Alex?" She asked with a tired sigh.
Alex snorted dryly. "Life. I'll call you later." He hung up before she had a chance to respond. He tucked Ashley's phone under his pillow and yawned. The ache in his temples made it almost impossible to get back into a comfortable position and his whole body felt like it was trembling. Nausea made his stomach ache and his mouth tasted like a dumpster. He was used to it though. It didn't concern him when he woke up and tripped over his own feet because he was dizzy or when his throat was hurt and his voice hoarse from throwing up.
"It's one in the afternoon, Alex. Get up." Something soft hit him and he realized Ashley had thrown a pillow. He groaned and shook his head. Two large arms yanked him up making his head spin too fast for him to steady himself. "Look at you. You're a mess."
"You're not so beautiful in the morning either," Alex drawled. He staggered passed his roommate and slammed the door of their small bathroom behind him.
He cringed when he looked in the mirror and realized Ashley was right. Dark circles marred the area under his eyes and he desperately needed a haircut. At some point during the prior night someone had given him a rather dark hickey at the base of his throat. Finding out he had almost gone home with someone wasn't uncommon, but Ashley or Melani always found him and dragged him away first. Whether he was grateful for that or not was still up for debate. Part of him wanted to wait for Roman to come home. The hopeless romantic in him, waited for Roman to come swooping in and profess his undying love for Alex; they would live happily ever after and forget about the misery of recent months. The realist in him said that he was being a stupid little boy. It told him that he needed to man up and quit being a snot nosed brat. Roman would come home, but it wouldn't be to Alex; but that wasn't what hurt the most. What hurt the most was the fact that Alex would still be waiting.
