"He was arrested on campus this morning," Tori was saying softly into the phone. "They caught him as he left class."
Alex sipped his coffee and kept his eyes directed on the TV. He couldn't focus on the what the news anchor was saying and he couldn't keep himself from hearing what Tori was saying, a repeat of what had already been said at least four times in as many hours.
Roman's fingers massaged the back of his neck firmly, lightly gripping as if Alex would run. Alex exhaled slowly, evaluating if that was a possibility before pressing back into them. Roman's lips grazed against his temple and Tori laughed softly at something on the phone.
Both men looked up when she entered the living room. The almost-toddler under the coffee table peeked his head out, cloth childrens book between his teeth as he gnawed at it. He blinked at Alex before rolling back underneath and reaching a pudgy hand out towards the bowl of snacks he had pulled under earlier.
"Weirdo," Roman mumbled under his breath. Alex playfully elbowed him as Tori sat on the arm of the couch.
"Can I get you anything?" She asked. Alex shook his head. He couldn't count the number of times he had been asked that since the detective handling his case had called. He was waiting for his parents to storm his apartment any moment and Ashley was doing his best to leave work early. Melani had gone to the grocery store and would no doubt spend hours cooking enough food for an army. He could hear the hitch in their voices and see the slight tremor in their hands. He had none of that.
He turned back to TV. The weatherman said it was going to rain for three days and Alex yawned and leaned more heavily into Roman. "Damn. I thought we could have a cookout at that park again this weekend," he said.
The silence tensed and he glanced up to find Tori looking back at him with concern in her frown, but Roman's expression was nothing more than calculating. His eyes scanned over Alex's features, their eyes locking for a long moment before he nodded and turned back to the TV. It further loosened the knot he had carried for so long without realizing how strangling its hold was. Roman trusted Alex. He trusted Alex with his own thoughts and feelings and Alex couldn't remember the last time someone had done that.
His parents didn't storm his apartment and Melani didn't cook enough food for an army. Ashley finished his shift and went home to Tori who had scooped up the sleeping baby and left to put him down for a nap. They gave him his space, maybe for the first time in a year he had his space, even if Roman was moving around him as if in orbit, but really, hadn't it always been like that?
The time stretched on in that manner. Tori would bring the baby for a visit and Melani would come to complain about schoolwork over dinner. Ashley would always hug Alex a little longer, like he had when they were roommates. Alex gave him a little more attention when that happened. He knew that he was as much as safety point for Ashley as anyone in their group was for each other. Then, the day for court came. It was faster than Alex had expected, but really, he hadn't expected anything. He numbly listened to the information given to him and shoved it as deep as it could the minute they walked out of the office. That numbness carried him through being questioned by lawyers and that ability to ignore allowed him to bypass looking his attacker in the eyes during the course. He suspected that was a great antagonizer to the breakdown that happened the day after court. His apartment was quiet save for the sound of Roman's puttering around. He sighed and looked up at the clock on the wall and that's when it hit him like a ton of bricks.
He was clawing at his throat before he realized that the panic had swept over him. His clothes felt like sandpaper against his skin and he tried to pull away from the fabric clinging to him with every tight, jerky movement he made in attempt to stand. His legs refused to moved. His skin was raw, his skin didn't fit correctly. His lips were cold and the room was hazy. His heart was beating so fast that he could no longer feel it, or maybe it had stopped. Maybe he was dying. He had felt this before and... he was going to die this time. He thought he may have cried out but the ringing in his ears was deafening.
