Calories

Epilogue

*Frank's Point of View*

In the middle of my first class I get a call on my phone. I feel it vibrate against my leg and I'm glad I put it on silent instead of having a loud ringtone. That would get me in trouble. Instead of everyone noticing my phone go off, the few people sitting near me notice.

I find it weird that someone would call me during the school day. Could it be really important?

I can't answer my phone in class, so I ask the teacher if I can go to the bathroom. The teacher hesitantly allows me to leave the classroom. Usually I don't behave very well in class, but so far today I've been good so she lets me leave.

I rush to the bathrooms and anyone who saw me probably thought I was going to have an accident or something because I must have looked pretty determined to get to the bathroom.

I finally make it to the bathrooms and I lock myself in a stall. Thank God no one else is in this bathroom. I turn on my phone and see that the call I missed was from Mikey. Why the fuck would he call me? How did he even get my number?

I decide it must have been important, or he sat on his phone and dialed my number with his ass. I assume that it was probably important and I call him back.

"Hello?" I hear Mikey's voice say. His voice sounds sort of strained, as if he had been crying.

"Why did you call me? I'm fucking at school if you somehow didn't know," I whisper.

"It-it's important," he stutters. What is wrong with him?

"Well then fucking tell me so I can go back to class!" I whisper in a yelling tone.

"I don't know h-how to say this..." he says.

"Well fucking spit it out. I don't have all day!" I say.

"Well... Gerard is sort of... Um... Dead," he says.

"He's dead?" I ask, not believing him. I mean, sure, Gerard had been starving himself, but he did it to the point that he literally starved to death?

"Y-yes. I thought I should tell you," Mikey says. I can hear him sobbing.

"Okay, thanks for telling me. I... I have to go now," I say before hanging up. This can't be real. This can't be happening. He can't be dead. He has to be alive.

I thought I was over Gerard, but that's proven untrue when tears start sliding down my face. I've never been one to cry, but I really can't help it now.

Gerard is gone. He isn't coming back. I won't get to see him again. I won't get to feel his soft touch against my skin again. His smooth lips against mine will forever be only a memory. The time the two of us spent together won't be forgotten, but it's painful to think about.

The boy that I have been friends with ever since I moved to New Jersey is gone and he probably died feeling mad at me. Why couldn't I have helped him in a better way? I could have been more gentle with my words. More understanding. I can't even begin what had to have been going through his mind for him to decide he even needed to lose weight in the first place. I could have been more efficient with the way I helped him for sure.

I wish I could take back every argument we had, especially the last two arguments we had. We never argued much besides that, but every little disagreement fills me with regret.

I want to be able to have one more conversation with him. I loved him. I gave him the choice between me and his eating disorder and he ended up dying because I couldn't help him.

I should have found someone who could help him. Or told his parents. Anything to prevent this from happening. But I didn't. That was probably the best thing I could have done for him and even if he would have hated me for that, at least he would be alive now.

I know this isn't my fault, but I can't help but blame this entirely on myself. I should have complimented him more often. I should have stopped hiding my feelings for him and told him sooner. Maybe then he would have a higher self-esteem.

I can't handle going back to class. I decide to walk home. I need time to think, and I can't go back to class covered in tears. People think I'm a badass, not a crybaby.

The walk is long, but I eventually make it home. I'd rather walk for a while than sit in class with thoughts and memories of Gerard lingering in my head all day.

The whole way home I think of ways I could have prevented Gee's death. This is my fault. Even though other people could have helped him too, I could have helped him the most.

I walk into my house. Neither of my parents are home since they're both at work. What now?

Gerard Way was my everything. Even towards the end I still cared about him, and I regret not being there for him. Every second away from him was painful, and recent events amplify the pain.

I can't. I can't do this. I can't live with myself after what happened. Everyday I would hope to see Gerard in the halls. Just his presence brightened my day. If I were a plant he would be the sunlight keeping me going.

He was my sunlight and now he's gone. What am I to do now?

Well, without sunlight, a plant would die. I can't go on without my sunlight. I can't go on without Gerard Way.

This is how I end. Without him I am incomplete, so why keep going?

This needs to be quick. I can't keep thinking about him. Every memory breaks me a little more.

I find the gun that my dad keeps in his room. This should make this as quick as possible.

I hope to see Gerard in the afterlife, if there is one.

"I love you, Gee," were my last words, before I put a bullet in my head.