Calories

Chapter Ten

I wake up to the sound of my alarm. For fuck's sake, why does school have to start at fucking 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

I sit up and turn off my alarm, rubbing my eyes. I kick off the blankets and stand up. I'm still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, so I walk in the hallway and yell at Mikey to get up. He says he's up, so I go back to my room to find clothes before going into the bathroom to take a shower.

I take off my shirt and find myself looking at myself in the mirror. I know I should just see a person but that's not at all what I see. All I see are the parts of me that are pure fat.

My stomach sticks out further than it should. It shouldn't stick out at all, actually. All I want is a flat stomach. And a thigh gap. I already have a thigh gap, but I want it to be bigger.

I push the thoughts out of my mind before taking off the rest of my clothes and stepping on the scale to weigh myself. 115 pounds. My next goal is 110 pounds, but my ultimate goal as of now is 100 pounds. But honestly, I'd just love to see that number drop to the double digits.

I put the scale back and turn on the water and step into the shower, letting the water run down my body. I quickly wash my hair, not wanting to be late for school. I step out of the shower and quickly dry my body off before getting dressed.

I wish I could dry my hair but I don't have time. I go downstairs to see Mikey eating a bowl of cereal.

"Hurry up, we need to leave," I say.

"Calm down. We won't be late. We'll be really early if we leave now. You just want to see you're boyfriend," Mikey says. Is Frank my boyfriend? We didn't talk about it. I'd like it if he was my boyfriend, but we sorta just fucked and it seems like that's where we left it.

"Fuck off," I say. He finishes his cereal and throws his bowl in the sink. We both grab our backpacks and get into my car. Mikey isn't saying anything, and I don't say anything. The car ride is silent.

We get to school after the awkward car ride and I walk in, hoping to see Frank. Luckily for me, he's already at our shared locker.

"Good morning, Gee," he says.

"Good morning, Frankie," I say back. He hugs me, and I wasn't expecting it.

"I never gave you that blowjob, did I?" he whispers in my ear. Why is he getting me so turned on so early in the morning.

"Everyone will think we're gay and call us fags for the rest of highschool," I say to him, ignoring his question. He is right though. He promised me a blowjob if I ate my food, and I did.

"Might as well make this worth it then," he whispers before he pulls away slightly from the hug. Before I know it his lips are on mine and it's wonderful but terrifying at the same time.

So many people are going to make fun of us for this. We might have been able to get away with the hug being a "just friends" thing but now everyone is going to assume that we're fucking. Not that they'd be wrong, but still.

The kiss ends. Someone would probably beat the shit out of both of us if we made out. I feel stares on us, but I choose to ignore them.

"What did you eat after I left?" he asks me, genuinely looking concerned.

"I had lasagna for dinner," I say.

"Good," he says. The bell rings and I have to go to class, which doesn't make me happy. That means I have to leave Frank so he can go to his class. I just know people will make fun of me and I know people will make fun of Frank too.

But I go to my class anyways. The only good things about class is that there won't be any food to tempt me and Frank won't be there to question me about my eating.

Most of the day goes by in a blur up until lunch. I know I was called a faggot at least four times but I ignored it. If I can manage to ignore the lesson then I can handle ignoring a few people too.

The only thing about lunch that I look forward too is seeing Frank. I go straight to the lunch table that I see Frank sitting at.

"Hi!" I say as I sit down.

"Do you have food?" he asks me. That's cool, don't say hi.

"No," I say.

"Then go get some," he says.

"But Frankie," I whine.

"I'm not talking to you until you have food in front of you." And I know he's serious. I hesitantly get up and walk over to the lunch line. The line is pretty long and I don't even want food to begin with. This completely and totally sucks.

I finally make it to the front of the line. Tacos. Oh boy. A small pile of greasy meat on top of carbs. Perfect.

There aren't any other options, so it looks like I'm stuck with this. I grab a tray and walk over to the fruit and grab an apple that doesn't look too bruised. I pay for my food and sit back down at the table with Frank.

"Thank you," he says. I'm sure he's expecting me to eat this food, but I'm not going to. All I can do when I see this plate is imagine what it's going to do to my body.

"No one else is at our table," I notice.

"They don't want to sit with the fags," Frank says.

"Ok," I say. I look back down at my food but still have no desire to eat it.

"You're supposed to eat your food, not stare at it," Frank says.

"I can't eat this," I say. I pick up the tray and walk to the trash can. I throw away the food and walk back to the table.

"Why did you do that?" Frank asks me.

"I'm not hungry," I say. That isn't a lie either. Just looking at the food made me feel nauseous.

"You need to eat though," Frank says.

"Will you ever just leave me the fuck alone about my eating? Our only conversations revolve around fucking food and I'm tired of it," I say loud, but not quite yelling. Still, we get stares.

"Fine. If it's what you really want then I'll leave you alone about food," Frank says. This makes me smile. He'll finally stop bothering me about food.