Secrets (An USM Fanfic) - DISCONTINUED

Ultimate Spider-HAM?!

Enjoy 😄

Spider-Man's POV

GRUMBLE

GRUMBLE

Ugh, great! I know you're hungry stomach, but I can't exactly stuff pancakes in these tights. Besides, today is the most important day of a teenagers life, Picture Day! Year after year, my pictures have not exactly turned out like the Mona Lisa. This morning, I have prepared myself to the fullest to take a picture perfect uh...picture. It sounds a bit shallow, but you have to control of your brand or someone else will. Swing through the city, I landed on top of a billboard with the face of a famous billionaire, playboy, philanthropist plastered on it. Seriously though, I save this city everyday and I get no appreciation.

Do I get a giant poster of me smiling? NO!  All I get is Menace, Vigilante, Wall Crawler, and other heinous nicknames I received from no only JJJ but from everyone in New York! Ugh, the struggle is real. "Yo Spidey!" A voice called to me. Looking down, I saw a man with a hot dog cart holding the famous Frankfurter out to me. "Want a hot dog on the house? As a token of appreciation?" He offered. When I heard 'appreciation', I immediately swung down to the man and took the wiener and bun. "Really? Wow thanks!" Not only it was a token of appreciation, but it was free too! Who doesn't like free food. Lifting my mask, I munched on the hot dog, thousands of flavors melt in my mouth.

Engaged in my meal, I didn't noticed malevolent laughter coming from the man next to me. "Did you enjoy your hot dog, Spider-Man?" He cackled. Suddenly, I saw green mist revolve around the man to reveal a familiar Asgardian with a horn helmet. "LOKI?!" I choked on my food and spit it out the already chewed up weiner and bread. "You got some nerve showing your horn head back here after what you did to Aelita! Wait, did you do something to my hot dog? You didn't spit in it did you?" I asked, lifting the wiener checking for Asgardian drool. "No, but I was tempted." He answered with a smirk. I sighed in relief and took another bite of the hot dog. "It was merely enchanted." He added and I spit my food again. Suddenly, the same green mist that transformed Loki encased me as well.

When it dispersed, I felt shorter and I smelled ham? Looking at a window, I saw I was a...

PIG!

"Why of all things you transformed me into a PIG?!" I oinked, touching my long snout. "Considered it compensation for our last encounter, you interfered with my plans of conquest! It was only fair I returned the favor to 'you are what you eat' morality tale." He sneered, pointing at me. "You think this is going to stop me, Joki?!" I yelled, lunging at him but he transformed to a emerald cloud of mist. I fell through him and landed on my curly behind. "And do what, Little Pig? Wee, wee, wee all the way home? Heed this lesson, Mortal. YOU MESS WITH THE WRONG-"

Not wanting to hear anymore of this, I launched six web balls at his mouth shutting him up. He fell on the ground and spat them up. "Change me back, Loki, before I go hog wild on you!" I threatened. Suddenly, I heard horns blaring from far away and an eerie fog washing over the city. "What...was that?" I reluctantly asked the God of Mischief. "That, my dear Spider-Pig, is your cue to run." The Asgardian chortled, turning into mist and running off. Looking deep into the mist, I saw three men riding giant snow white wolves equipped with a double sided axe, a bow and arrow, and a spear. One was bald while the other two stooges had long ponytails.

The bald one looked at me with hungry eyes. "Huzzah, there it is. The meal that we seek!" Baldy sneered, pointing his axe at me. "Let the hunt BEGIN!" He yelled, charging straight at me. "SLAY THE SWINE!" The two lackeys shouted, launching a thousand arrows at me. Swine?! Meal?! "Wait! I'm not a real pig!" I shouted, dodging the blizzard of arrows. Baldy jumped off his wolf and swung his axe at me, but I moved out of the way. "A talking pig? Excellent! I will hang his head and it's curly behind above my fireplace next to the others." He grinned sinisterly. Running as fast as I can, I launched a web on a tree branch and swung into a nearby park. "Wait! You're making a big mistake! I'm not a- What others?!" I yelled. One of the ponytailed lackey threw a spear at me. Fortunately, my Spidey Sense kicked in before it struck me. Rushing toward me, Blady had his axe raised and I jumped on the pole of the spear into the tree tops.