The Player's First Crush

12: The Player's First Crush

Annabelle:

I walked outside with Daniel following him to where ever he wanted to go. It's been too long since I have hugged him or took walks with him. This used to be a daily routine, there was never a day that we would go without seeing each other, unless one of us were on vacation. I wanted to smile and hug the life out of him, but I knew this was only temporary. He's trying to forget about his grandma and I'm conveniently here to help him. There was still that part of me that wanted to believe that he wanted me back, but I wouldn't let that thought roam around my head for too long. Tears stung in my eyes, but I did everything in my power to keep them from coming down. I wanted to tell him something, but if I did the tears would fall down. I wanted to walk away so he wouldn't think I'm weak, but I also wanted to stay here with him. This might be the only time where we're actually walking together on good terms. This reminded me of how deprived I am of Daniel's touch. I shouldn't be thinking about this, I have a boyfriend, who is kind to me unlike Daniel, and who cares about me. But why can't I get Daniel out of my head? He isn't worth it, I keep telling myself.

"Annabelle?" I snapped out of my internal rant and looked up at him. His eyes gazing into mine as if trying to figure out something. I whimpered, afraid of bursting out crying right now.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I just realized he was staring at the tears in my eyes. For a second there I thought it was going to be those love at first sight moments you see in the movies. I nodded and looked away. I sniffed, making an ugly sound but it did a pretty good job at keeping the tears away for a little longer.

How did I make it through three years without him? And months with him hating me? I truly realized what I lost. My best friend. I tear made it's way down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.

"Annabelle," Daniel said softly. If that supposed to make me feel better, it didn't, it only made me more sad. I feel like he hasn't said my name in so long. "Is it because of my grandma, it's okay, she's in a better place." I sniffed. Of course he would be oblivious as to why I'm on the verge of sobbing. I didn't want to tell him the truth so I nodded. "She's in a better place looking down on us smiling," he continued. I decided to keep up the act, "You really believe that?" I sniffed again for dramatic affect.

"Yes," he whispered. Then the craziest thing happened. He pulled me into a hug. This is the first time in so long that I recieved a hug from Daniel. I wrapped my arms his torso and hugged him tight. It might actually the last time he gives me a hug. I heard him suck in air, almost trying to resist crying too.

"You want to go eat?" Daniel asked.

"Can we just walk in the park instead," I answered without thinking. That would have been my response three years ago but not now, not on these conditions. He nodded and started walking to the park. I stood there like an idiot because I didn't know what to do. I wanted to take a walk in the park but it will only make me cry remembering all the times we were in this park together.

"Annabelle, I thought you wanted to go to the park." Daniel looked confused. I nodded and walked toward the park as well. We both didn't say anything. I wish I could say it was a comfortable silence, but it's not. We didn't say anything because we had nothing to say. I didn't want to say anything that could spark up an argument. I'm doing a pretty good job at keeping the tears from falling, but I don't know how long it will last.

Daniel sat on the bench and I followed him, sitting beside him with a few inches of space between us. Neither of us said a word. I looked straight ahead when I felt Daniel looking at me. I didn't want him to see me like that. Vunerable.

It wasn't until I felt something salty that I realized I was crying. I cursed myself for being weak. I hated being like this, but I couldn't help it. Daniel brings the vunerable and weak side of me. Without thinking I got up and ran. Ran to the tree's where I could think to myself and cry by myself. I heard Daniel saying my name, but I couldn't go back. I can't be in the same place as him. I sat beside the tree and sobbed. I don't know why I'm crying so much.