Sorry For the Sin

Chapter seventeen

Okay turns out I'm not very good at sticking to a schedule of any sort. Hope you people of the internet like this next chapter please link and comment it means a lot. -R

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The girls spent most the evening in silence; they didn't know what to say and they didn't want to talk about it, Patsy and Delia sat comfortably on Patsy's bed – they weren't going to hide it any longer. Patsy was leaving they had lost it all, they had spent so much time trying to hide something, there was no point hiding it any longer – it didn't matter what the nuns thought about it. Patsy would do anything for a night cap but she didn't want to tempt Trixie, she was leaving Trixie all alone she couldn't show her drink as an option – not now, not ever.

The girls faced a game of cards with a slow record spinning in the background. The record sent Patsy back to a night at the gateways but she didn't want to try and remember a good time because then she would have to face how bad this bad time truly is.

There was a knock on their door, which Trixie was quite thankful for as Delia was beating her hands down. They looked a little in shock; who would be bothering them? None of them spoke as Trixie got up from her bed and went to the door, dancing a little in her step to try and keep the mood as light as it could be.

"Nurse Crain," Trixie said in surprise. She hadn't thought about who may be standing behind the door but nurse Crain wasn't anywhere close to the top of her list.

"Hello, Nurse Franklin – I was wondering if Nurse Mount was in" Trixie opened the door a little to show Patsy was on her bed, she was sat cards in one had a cigarette in one hand with Delia casually trying to grab it out her hand. They were smiling which made Nurse Crain smile.

"Nurse Mount," Nurse Crain said, snapping Patsy's out of her Delia trance.

"I am ever so sorry to hear that you will be leaving us – I don't know what you have lined up however I thought I would make you aware that there is a midwifery post going in Stratford. I have written the details down. They are expecting you call" She smiled a harsh kind of smile, they didn't see Nurse Crain smiling very often so Patsy didn't expect anything more.

Nurse Crain handed the piece of paper to Trixie

"Thank you," Patsy said. She wasn't sure what else she needed to say. That was very sweet of nurse Crain but Patsy wouldn't be able to get a job in midwifery not if they asked why she was leaving Poplar. No one would hire her with this rumour around her. She needed to thank Nurse Crain all the same. That was the nicest thing that she had ever done for Patsy and she really did appreciate it.

"Again, I am sorry you're leaving Nurse Mount," She said before sharply turning her back and heading back to her room.

"Stratford," Trixie said "That's no too far away" She continued trying to make light of a situation that had become very real very fast.

"I guess not," Patsy said leaning her hand with her cigarette down by her leg

"Got it" Delia chirped up grabbing the cigarette out of her hand and putting it out in the ash train. She kissed Patsy on the cheek as she did so. Pasty smiled at Delia continued effort.

Trixie handed Patsy the paper with the details on "I guess I better give them a call tomorrow – it's not like I have another option."

"It's going to be okay cariad," Delia said, she didn't want to stop focusing on Patsy but she couldn't help but wandering what was going to happen to her. Delia assumed she would be allowed to stay but she didn't know – she would have to find a dig somewhere if they didn't let her stay. Delia did not want to imagine her mum's face. She knew if her mother knew she would have her on the first train back to Wales and there would be nothing Delia would be able to do but do what she was told. Delia didn't want to add to Patsy pain but she wasn't sure she could stay here if the one thing she stayed for was going to be out of reach. She didn't know what to do but she knew she couldn't think of herself she had to think about Patsy.

The weekend passed on slowly while everyone walked to talk about the events no one wanted to ask questions – no one asked anything at all. Trixie smiled a hollow smile and Delia couldn't help but let her mind wander – while she and Patsy weren't open around the home they shared. They didn't have ear anymore. Patsy was packing her things in the same boxes Delia's arrived in the moments of sadness were hidden but fake laughs and nonalcoholic nightcaps.

Trixie tried not to cry; she knew that how she felt wouldn't change anything and it didn't matter what she thought. She wasn't going to be able to alter the religion that the nuns cared so deeply for.

Saturday was long. The weather hadn't cheered up and either had Patsy ad Delia. Trixie was out at a birth. So it was Patsy and Delia with a record and vacant stares. They spent hours in silence looking at the room that Patsy had started to pack away. She couldn't imagine a life outside that room; she never thought she was going to. Patsy didn't believe that she would ever have to leave the home of Poplar. The idea terrified her but she kept on a brave face. Thanks to Nurse Crain she at least had another job – it wasn't popular and it wasn't two doors down from Delia but it came with a room, in a nurses home and it paid. She was a midwife but she was losing Delia, Patsy thought she would be happy after what felt like a lifetime without being a midwife but in reality, she couldn't have been more wrong. She felt empty and alone no matter ow hard she tried. Patsy wondered why more words weren't spoken that day but the truth was she didn't share her secret life with anyone so know one really knew the truth – Both her and Delia shared the parts of their lives that were bearable or shareable with strangers. She laughed about things that were eating her up inside because that was the easiest thing to do. And life, after all, was all about finding the easiest path. The path of least pain and least lies. While both Patsy and Delia's life was always going to be full of lies they didn't think that they would be separated over them – parted over the truth. Even in the darkest of days like that Saturday with boxes surrounding here, there was something about Delia that made Patsy feel so young inside, but not in a childish way. She woke the real side of Patsy the best, all the facets of herself that only require love to be whole. Patsy knew that if she has the chance to spend eternity with Delia in peace and freedom she would be able to sink to serenity but she also knew that if the events of the last few weeks were anything to go by an eternity by Delia's side as looking further and further away. She knew that Delia made her heart strong in times of pain. Her smile alone burnishes her soul time and time again in a way that she hadn't felt before the bubbly welsh nurse came into her life. Before she and Delia met she was one, now she was half yet she somehow felt better than she was before.