The Boss [LGBT]

Chapter 19

I really can't explain things. I simply can't. I mean, it was wonderful and the best feeling ever. That's all there is to it. Lafayette told me that he wanted to keep it a secret from Michael and Emilio. I didn't know why but then he said it would just be fun. "They'll be really pissed when they find out we've been hiding it from them," he explained.

"I can tell my parents right?" I asked.

"They already think we're together so why not?"

"You're not going to reveal to the world about us though..."

"Not yet. All in good time."

"Okay. Whenever you're ready."

He smiled at me in the mirror, and I walked over to do his tie. Things were lovely. They truly were. Waking up in his arms, him making breakfast naked, morning blow jobs, showering together, getting dressed together. Work was normal still. We'd kiss more, but otherwise it was the same old routine. I guess I never realized how much Lafayette and I had already been basically dating before. I mean, we did the same things, we were just physical now. I changed a little now that we were together, meaning I worried more. For some reason I felt like he still wasn't happy. I had never realized that he was depressed before, because he was good at making it seem like he wasn't. He had a good fake smile and fake laugh, which I find slightly ironic because I always smile and laugh genuinely. Thinking about it like that, it made me think of how we were similar, but also different, and that of course worried me, too, because he might realize our differences and not want to be with me because of them, but I'm just a worry-wart. It's just that he's older than me and that he has had experience in many things I haven't...

I was sitting at my desk thinking these things, not seeing him look at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked from his desk, leaning back.

I shrugged. "I'm still thinking."

"I love that you think, but sometimes I question why you think sad thoughts. Try to do what I do and think nicely."

"You think happy thoughts?" I asked.

"Well, yeah."

"Oh."

"What? Did you think I constantly thought of sad, morbid thoughts?"

"No, I just figured you thought about things that, I dunno, stressed you out or something."

He paused, glancing at me. "Come here," he said.

I went over to him and he pulled me onto his lap, pulling my legs over him. "I do think about things that aren't the happiest, but that's not why I'm the way I am. I simply feel sad and empty, but it's not because of what I think about. I try to feel better by thinking nice things, and when I think of not so nice things it's fine. I do avoid thinking about horrible things that you think about, though. You always worry about people passing away or things like that, but I try not to."

"Well, maybe you should."

"I should?" he asked.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm always happy and what not, but I think about those thing. You're not happy and don't think about those things, and surely you do think about those things at times, right?" I said.

"Yes, like when you go out without me I think about bad things that could happen to you."

"And so when I arrive home alright you feel even more happy because nothing bad happened to me."

He smiled at me, taking in what I said. "You're a lot smarter than what you think you are Em. I don't get how you think you're stupid. You're the most understanding person I know."