six inch heels (a.t.) (ON HOLD)

03.

after the club...

lexi's pov

~

I walked in to my loft, drained as usual after working at the club. but this time, it was different; I actually felt tired of this.

all this bullshit I've been doing, this simple routine I follow every day. it's been the same thing every fucking day for the past five years. I guess today really showed me how tired I am of living this lifestyle.

nights like these make me miss the good days in canada. the truth is that I miss my parents. I miss all the heart-warming memories we shared and how loving they could be at times. I missed seeing my parents happy together. I miss us all going out on a perfect sunday, making the best out of the cruel toronto weather we faced. I miss us just all being together happily.

but whenever I think of this, the bad memories always accompany the good ones. all the nights of loneliness and just my self-destructive thoughts to consume me. not knowing whether or not I'd see the light of the next day in this prison I called home. blood stains on my sheets and purple bruise marks all over my body. still to this day I have scars painted across my body.

who knew that my parents could be so damn bipolar? it was a constant cycle; unconditional love, then nights of terror.

these thoughts make me shudder. for every good memory, there will always be a bad one.

well besides the fact that I was almost raped at the club tonight, I'd say tonight was a success. I made a total of fifty-one thousand, seven hundred and something dollars. that one singing nigga--from who I didn't care to learn his name--attributed that fifty thousand, so I'm quite lucky tonight.

I know it might've been hypocritical to take his money after I did that long ass speech about how money doesn't solve issues, but who in their right fucking mind wouldn't take fifty thousand dollars?! you'd have to be lying if you say you wouldn't take it.

it's fifty thousand dollars for christ sakes!!

I plant the money in my safe, double-lock the safe doors with a lock and a combination code, then close the secret compartment in the wall. that also has to have a password entered to get in to. I keep my money hidden away and safe; I ain't never gonna get robbed.

the other one thousand, seven hundred and something dollars is going to be deposited in my bank account.

since tonight was a pretty vexatious night, I decide to just skip classes today. since it's around five a.m., usually I'd start to get ready for my morning classes which start at seven a.m. considering that I'm even more tired than usual and worn out, I'll just sleep in a while.

I unpack my duffle bag and crawl in to bed. before I forget, I turn my speaker on and listen my bryson tiller, drake, and aaliyah playlist. they're the only artists I really listen to.

my mind eases and I drift off to sleep.

~

it's six thirty p.m. when I wake up from this coma. I hear the song try again by aaliyah playing in the background, encouraging me to get up and out of my bed.