Why? (Destiel Highschool/College/Coffee Shop AU)

Chapter 21

Castiel's P.O.V. 

"you can't love somebody else, if you can't love yourself first" 

well that's bullshit

i have never been a big fan of myself

i would never say that i "love" myself

but dean...

i loved him, i really did

 i shake my head as i close the book in my hands

no wanting to replay last weeks incident

*flashback*

"YOU LEFT ME REMEMBER?!" i say shouting at him 

a tear falling down my face

he wipes a tear from his eyes 

"i'm sorry cas, b-but we could fix this-" he says putting his hand on my shoulder 

"IT WAS NEVER BROKEN DEAN!! REMEMBER!?!...we're not together anymore..." i say looking at the ground shaking my head

how did it get this bad between us?

i miss dean

i really do 

but i can't help but be angry at him

i just can't 

he sits their hunched over and crying 

i couldn't do it anymore

i just walked out of the room 

i left

just like he did to me...

*flashback over*

i look around the quiet dorm room

dean left for the morning

i was hoping he would be gone most of the day 

that's pretty much how it went

either i was home all day and he was out 

or he was home all day and i left

it's a little hard considering we both don't really have a lot of friends 

we don't know anyone at this school besides each other

and besides when we have classes together

we try to avoid each other at all costs

i could still hear his heartbreaking sobs

and a lot of the times i wish we could've talked about it

but we don't we avoid each other

even though we are roommates

we both tried to change it, but we couldn't

guess that was karma for messing with Karen

i didn't have any classes today

and i'm guessing dean didn't either, considering it's almost 12:00 pm, and he's still sleeping

he has all morning classes, so he can have the evening and night to study and whatever

i know cause that's when i have time to myself

in the morning

when he leaves...

i look over at his sleeping body

remembering all the good times we used to have

as kids

as teens