Why? (Destiel Highschool/College/Coffee Shop AU)

Chapter 18

Castiel's P.O.V. 

I storm into my house, or chucks house, i'm still new to this

i throw the letter unto the kitchen table

pacing back and forth deciding whether or not i should open it

of course i'm going to open it

that's a stupid question

...but

what if he wrote this to tell me how much he hates me

that he remembers the torture i put him through

i thought i was saving him

but i hurt him 

i hurt him because i was selfish 

i don't think i could handle reading dean's hateful words

"what's that?" i hear chuck saying from right next to me

i jump back a little bit 

"god! i didn't even see you!!" i tell him clutching my heart 

he chuckles and smiles at me 

"i'm flattered that you called me god, but i prefer chuck" he says patting my back 

walking past me towards the coffee machine

that guy drinks so much coffee 

i asked him why he drinks so much coffee once and he says that now he's a teacher he can't drink liquor anymore

because he used to be an alcoholic 

so coffee is his substitute 

"it's a letter from dean" i say without thinking much about it

i feel comfortable around chuck

like he was my actual father

i already told him the whole ordeal between dean and i 

and he didn't care at all that dean was a boy and so was i 

he even gave me some advice about it

that was until i got this letter

then everything changed

"well, why are you not reading it yet?" he asks

i give him a worried look 

"what if he says he hates me, i mean i have been avoiding him.." i tell him 

"castiel, you can create a billion 'what ifs' but your never going to feel better by thinking of more of them, but you will if you just stop letting those 'what ifs' control your life" he says looking at me sincerely  taking a sip of his coffee

i look back at the letter holding it in my hand now

i look back up at chuck and he just shakes his head chuckling slightly 

"would you stop being so dramatic, and just read the damn letter!" he says pointing to the letter 

"fine" i say opening the letter like it was a life or death situation 

soon enough i was reading it 

...

Dear Cas,

i'm so sorry that this happened, none of this was your fault. 

i ruined everything, like i did back when we were friends,