Infinite ✓

[17] - Dumb Love

[17] – Dumb Love

 

When Rory got home on Friday, he seemed to pass the rest of the day in a numb state of shock. He robotically made dinner and basically threw off all the questions Andrew asked him worriedly, kept saying I’m fine over and over again that it became a mantra in his head, almost making him believe that it was the case when his heart and mind knew it wasn’t. He ate dinner; he watched some TV, browsed a little on his laptop, took a shower and then went to sleep. It almost felt like that evening before he’d gotten home was a dream even though he knew it wasn’t.

The next morning however, was when it really hit him.

He woke up and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling and feeling horribly lost. His heart felt like it was somewhere at his feet, making his chest feel extremely light and hollow, a horrible cold chill running up his spine and he felt scared and alone and absolutely horrible.

His hands curled on the sheets as he heaved in a dry sob, eyes clenching shut against the sudden painful squeeze in his chest as he thought about Jeremy. If they hadn’t argued or broken up, Jeremy would be texting him awake like he did every Saturday morning and they would text all morning until he showed up for work or all day if they didn’t have any work planned for the day. Rory wondered if he should call in sick on Monday because he really felt like crap but he knew he couldn’t.

They were going to use Monday to start the preparations for the summer show which was only about a month away.

Gosh, time flew fast, didn’t it? But he really didn’t want to see Jeremy. He felt like he didn’t want to see Jeremy ever again. And it wasn’t that he hated him or anything, in fact, it was quite the opposite. He didn’t know if he was ready. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to pretend that this was the best decision he’d ever made, that he would wait for Jeremy.

He needed someone to talk to. He thought about the people in the office, about Simon and even thought about Frederick but he couldn’t bring himself to open up to any of them. Simon already knew anyway and he couldn’t stand the thought that the other employees were going to look at him with pity because of what happened – he had to hold his head up high and pretend that he was okay.

Swallowing thickly, he fumbled for his phone around his sheets, hands trembling slightly as he scrolled through the numbers until he came to the desired one. He dialled it before he could chicken out.

It was answered on the second ring, “Hey, what a surprise! Rory, how are you?”

Rory very nearly let the tears fall and had to close his eyes briefly to compose himself, “hey dad.”

“It’s about time you called home, eh?” his dad, Joe, boomed into the phone, laughing cheerily, “although it is a bit early. I hope you don’t have work this morning? You shouldn’t be calling if you’re going to have a busy day.”

“I don’t go to the office until two o’clock most Saturdays,” Rory replied, licking his lips and pulling the sheets up to his chin, snuggling underneath them and curling into a ball, pressing the phone harder into his ear like doing that would magically make his father’s warm voice and strong embrace surround and ground him.

There was a brief silence and then his father asked, “Okay, what’s wrong?”

Rory tried to laugh but he winced at how dry the sound came, “Does something have to be wrong for me to call you?”

“I would say no but we both know that’s not the case.”

“You’re just horrible.”

“You know you love me,” Joe said with his signature booming laugh and Rory couldn’t help but already feel slightly better. Talking to his dad did that to him. In their family, Andrew was closer to their mum while Rory was closer to their dad. He didn’t know how or why but that was just the way it was. Especially when Rory had come out to them a couple years ago, Joe had become increasingly protective than usual and Rory had basked in his father’s attention. Despite the family being extremely close, Rory knew that Andrew would call their mum if he was in trouble just like Andrew knew Rory would be calling their dad.