Infinite ✓

[11] - If This Isn't Love

[11] – If This Isn’t Love

Rory has always known that he was selfish. Not overly selfish like he didn’t share his food or money – no, nothing like that. He was selfish in the aspect that he wanted true love before he died.

Only selfish people would want that, right? Because if he did get true love, the person that loved him would forever be sad and strained because of his illness. And if he died while still in love? That would be completely horrible.

This was exactly why he was stressing about Jeremy.

He’d been so stupid. He’d originally agreed to go out with Jeremy, thinking that Jeremy was going to take what he’d wanted from the beginning – which was to sleep with him – but something must have changed because when they went on their first date, Jeremy had planted the softest kiss on his lips, right on his doorstep before bidding him goodnight.

It was everything he’d ever dreamed of.

And then one date turned to two and then two turned to three and now they’ve steadily been dating for two weeks now.

They still hadn’t had sex yet.

And Rory knew that Jeremy was falling for him. He wasn’t so naïve and blind to not know what was happening.

“Selfish,” he whispered to himself, his eyes brimming with tears, “I’m so selfish.”

How could he have been so naïve and hopeful? Did he really think he was going to live long? Despite his family’s and friends’ positivity, he knew it was just that – only words and feelings. He had the worst case and there was no guarantee that he was going to survive.

And here he was, about to make the person he’d admired and crushed on from afar, despite his player tendencies, he finally had him but he was so stupid in thinking that it would be a win-win situation. Just thinking about how much pain Jeremy would be in if he died made him feel like crying. How could someone put another person that they loved through so much pain? How could HE do that to Jeremy?

There was a tentative knock on his room door.

“Hey, you’ve been cooped up in there for some time now,” Jeremy’s cheerful voice came from the other side of the door, “you okay?”

Rory quickly wiped the tears from his eyes, calling out hoarsely, “yeah, I’m fine! I’ll be right out.”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting downstairs,” Jeremy replied and Rory could tell from how tentatively Jeremy spoke that he didn’t believe that he was alright.

Rory got up and walked to the mirror. He brushed his hair away from his face and scrubbed his palms roughly over his cheeks. He swallowed hard. He knew what he had to do. The best thing to do for Jeremy was to break up with him.

He knew he shouldn’t have let it go this far, but he was weak and had wanted Jeremy so damn badly, like he’d wanted nothing else. Jeremy was like that breath of fresh air after he’s been drowning. He was EVERYTHING. And he knew now was the time to let him go, now that Jeremy’s feelings weren’t as deep and intense as his.

He nodded sternly at his reflection to reassure himself that this was the right thing before heading out of his room and down to the kitchen.