Heavy Hearts (BoyxBoyxBoy?)

Chapter 1

Chapter 1-

I wake up with a scared Aunty Pat sitting by my side on the bed, gently rubbing the hair from my forehead.

"What's wrong?" My voice is rough with sleep.

"You were screaming in your sleep, again." She says sadly, sniffing. I shift my eyes from her to my little sisters' drowsy face as she stands in the doorway. "Was it the same one?"

I look back to my Aunty and nod my head. Her face falls and the sad look possesses her eyes again. If I could just have one wish I would wish that she didn't have to feel my pain, I don't want her to be miserable just because of me.

She kisses my head and smooths out my hair with shaky hands.

"It's okay, tomorrow's a new day." She says softly while she stands and walks to the door. She takes 12 year old, Scarlett's hand and slowly shuts the door, not before I catch her last words. "We'll get through it."

The rooms engulfed in blackness and she's gone, her footsteps getting further and further away. I try to force the images back, I honestly do but it's like they're printed into my mind. They can be forgotten for a second but they're always there in the back of my mind.

I turn my back to the door and try to get back to sleep. The moment my eyes are closed the memories come back and I'm forced to open my eyes again. I can't even escape the past in my dreams. Slowly I wait out the night by watching the alarm clock on my bedside table change from 1am to 7am. The previously set alarm goes off and I smack my hand against it. It shuts off and tiredly I step out of bed. Not once in 3 years have I had a decent sleep and it's finally beginning to catch up to me.

By now all I want to do is just lie down, and not get up. Everyone says a new day is different, but did anyone ever think that maybe the day has been lived before? I don't want to live in a day that seems to just get harder and harder, the weight on my shoulders slowly pushing me into the ground. Right until I'm six feet under.

There's a soft knock and my door, when I don't answer it swings open quietly. On the other side stands a tired Aunty Pat. She smiles, a small delicate smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Ever since I came her smile has slowly began to fade. Soon she won't even be able to smile. I don't want that for her, I want her to be able to smile and be who she once was, bubbly and full of dreams. Now she's stuck in just the one place, wherever I am.

She sighs and sits next to me. Resting her head on my shoulders. "You can't blame yourself for everything, Palmer. You're going to have to forgive yourself one day."

"It's my fault." I whisper, staring off towards the blank wall of my bedroom.

She begins, "I know He-"

I cut her off sharply, angrily. "Don't you dare say his name, you don't know what he would want so don't say a damn word." I get through clenched teeth.

I feel her tense slightly before sighing and standing up. She stands there for a few seconds, and then turns to me. "I know you we're close to your brother but one day or another you're going to have to let him go." She says in almost a whisper.

I shake my head as she leaves, closing the door. "He was more than a brother; he was my best-friend." I whisper to nothing in particular. Rubbing invisible dirt from my pants, I stand up and walk to the bathroom connected to my room.

When I look in the mirror it's no surprise to see how tired I look. Anyone that looked at me could straight away see the tiredness in my piercing blue eyes. I strip and hop into the shower. I stand there watching the water run over my body, watching it fall into the drain beneath my feet. I close my eyes and lift my left arm up, running my fingers along the torn skin I memories every scar and bruise. I open my eyes and relax my arm back to my side. Aunty Pat and my sister don't know I cut; I'm planning to keep it that way.