Summer Solstice

Fears, Friends & A Dance

“Is this about me learning my boundaries, or you learning yours?” Tor’s voice sounded strained, and he took a step back.

“I know what our limitations are, but I also know what we’re capable of, are you willing to take that chance? Because I won’t be lenient on this.” Konai’s shoulders stiffened as his tone changed.

“Konai… I’m okay. I was okay before, and I think I’m okay now.” Tor’s voice still sounded strange, and I peeked around Konai’s shoulder again. Tor was slowly shifting his weight from side to side, as though he were embarrassed or nervous. He also glanced repeatedly around the open woods and back to Konai.

“Tor? Are you okay, do you need me to leave?” I tugged on Konai’s arm to move it out of the way, but he remained frozen in place, a barrier between me and the other guardian. If my leaving meant that Tor could stay and enjoy an evening with the other guardians, then I would leave. I might miss Konai, but staying here seemed to mean a lot to Tor.

Tor glanced down at me and took another step back. “N-no, I’m just….. I need a minute, to think.” He looked away and then at Konai.

“Tor….” Konai tried to take a step forward, but Tor held his hand up and he stopped. I immediately missed the warmth of Konai’s body as he shifted to take another step, and I wondered how dangerous it would be for me to move towards him. I decided not to take that chance.

Konai sighed and extended his hand slowly, “I know how you feel, and I’m sorry, but it will be better tomorrow, I promise.” He turned and gestured to the other boys still sitting at the fire behind us, “I’ll understand, all of us will… if you need some time.”

“I’m sorry, this isn’t….. I can’t.” He took another slow step back.

“You can’t what, Tor?” I asked softly, moving as slowly as I could to the side, so I could see him. I was seriously confused, what couldn’t he do? Could Tor not be around me, or could he not handle being around all of us? “And what’s wrong with your voice, you sound different.”

Tor frowned, then exhaled slowly. Painfully. “I’m sorry.” He backed up another step, and as Konai reached a hand out to him, Tor turned and ran so quickly that all I could see was the trail of leaves and snow that were kicked up in his wake. Konai sighed and dropped his hand, then closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Teddy walked up and patted him on the arm, “It’s okay, he’ll come back.”

“We’ll go get him.” Koda and Tin both stood, but Konai shook his head.

“No, this is between me and him, I’ll go.” Konai pointed back towards the fire and the two boys sat down.

Teddy grabbed his arm gently, “Are you sure you’re okay to do this? You’re not very strong.” He’d whispered it low, as though he didn’t want me to hear him. The two guardians stared at each other a moment, then Konai smiled.

“I’m as strong as I need to be Teddy, I’m just a little tired. Stop worrying about me, or I’ll start calling you ‘mom’.” He placed a hand on Teddy’s shoulder, “Don‘t worry, I‘ll be fine.”

“Of course you will, I’m going with you.” Teddy grinned and took a step forward, “For… moral support.” He wrapped an arm around Konai’s shoulder, an encouraging gesture, and Konai smiled appreciatively. Teddy squeezed his shoulder and dropped his arm, then he turned to look at me.

Konai paused and turned too. “Andrea, I’ll be right back, okay?” He didn’t take a step towards me and I shivered. I missed being close enough to touch him, and part of me wished he wouldn’t go. I wanted him to stay, but knew he had some things to straighten out with Tor. Well, I wasn’t sure exactly what things, but I knew that he needed to speak with the other guardian, privately.