2:56 :: h.s

trente

19:06

Rae and I walk toward the swing in silence.
I have a small basket with a sandwich and chips inside, and a water bottle in my hand.
Rae made the sandwich and asked if I wanted to go on a picnic.
I shrugged and off we went.

Yesterday, we went to a nature reserve and Rae showed me where she had her first kiss.
She leaned against the tree and went into detail about how awkward it was.
She was fourteen and nervous as hell.
She said the guy practically pinned her against it, but nearly peed himself when he actually kissed her.
He pulled away and asked if she wanted to leave.
She said yes instantaneously.
She also mentioned that they ended up dating the next year, and broke up two months later because he tried to have sex with her.

Now we walk and very small drops of rain fall from the clouds.
It's a warm day.
The rain is making the air humid but it isn't too bad.

"Where was your first kiss and what was it like?" Rae asks as she walks through the tall - and now lively - grass.

I push through as she sits on the blanket and I join her.
I take a deep breath and think for a moment.

"Why do you ask?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Because I told you about mine yesterday and I want to know about yours." She replies.

"Okay. Well, I think I was twelve. It was also against a tree, and I felt so cool. Like, I'm pretty sure I was the only one of my friends who had ever kissed a girl. I'll admit, I did add a little more steaminess to the story, but it's whatever."

She chuckles, "what was her name?"

I scoff, "to Hell if I remember. She moved away a week later, or something."

Her jaw drops and she sits up on her knees. "That's horrible! She will tell that story to her future husband and she'll remember every detail! When, where, and how it was! And she will surely remember who with. I can't believe you," she shakes her head and sits back down.

"I think her name was Isabelle, or something. I remember what she looked like, I just don't remember her name." I take a bite of the sandwich.

Rae moves back to lean against the tree and pulls her legs to her chest.

She does that a lot.
I think it would be weird if she didn't.

"Tell me what she looked like," she cocks her head to one side.

I swallow my food, "she had long brownish-blondish hair. Her eyes were brown. And she wore this God-awful neon orange shirt. I'm surprised I didn't go blind."

Rae gently hits my shoulder. "Yeah, well I'm sure you didn't look perfect back then either."

I raise an eyebrow, "are you implying that I look perfect now?"

She rolls her eyes. "Quit being so full of yourself."

"Quit being annoying."

"Quit talking with your mouth full."

I laugh loudly, "you sound like my mum!"

"Well your mom is a lovely lady, so thank you."

"Not nearly as lovely as you, though."

She glares at me. "Shut up."

I finish my sandwich and lean against the tree with her.
I'm wearing the maroon sweater she loves so much.
The entire time we were getting food ready, she would say how it looked so much better on her than me.
I'd flip her hair in front of her face and she'd put her hand up my shirt.
Then I'd fling myself into the counter to get away from the cold, and receive a pretty gnarly bruise on my hip.

I look over at the grass and pull out a small, white flower.
I twist the stem between my fingers for a moment before turning to Rae.
I hold the flower between my thumb and forefinger in front of her.
She smiles softly then takes it.
She puts it behind her ear and smiles at me.

"Am I pretty, now?" She beams.

I give her a small smile, "you've always been pretty."

Her smiles grows and she plays with her fingers.

I have an idea.

"Hey, what if I braided your hair, in a really messy braid, and then put flowers all in it. Your hair is incredibly long and messy already."

She laughs and I feel my heart against my rib cage.

"Whatever you want, Styles." She shakes her head.

I position myself so I'm kneeling behind her.
I try to comb her hair slightly with my fingers but it doesn't work.
I shrug it off and begin braiding her hair.

"Where did you learn how to braid hair, anyway?" She asks as she pulls out some grass.

"My ex-girlfriend thought it would be important for me to learn. Just in case I have a daughter." I explain and fix a place I made a mistake.

"Oh . . . Did you um, did you love her?"

I stop for a moment and continue. "No, with her it was more of a 'oh, our parents work together, let's date because they want us to' kind of thing."

"Hm . . . What was her name?"

"Melanie."

"Was she pretty?"

I chuckle lightly and turn her head to look at me, "why are you asking me these questions?"

She looks down and shrugs.

"Well, you have nothing to worry about. We're over and we live sixteen hours apart."

"That didn't stop you before," she mumbles.

I don't respond to her comment.
I know she's right, but it hurts too much to think about.
I regret sleeping with Melanie every time I look at Rae.
And her bringing it up doesn't help.

I finish braiding her hair.
We both stand up to pick some flowers.
Once we find a few, she sits back down and I decide on places for the flowers.
When I'm done, I pull on each side of the braid to give it volume.
I tell her to look at me, and I take some of the smaller bits of her hair to frame her face.

"Lovely," I compliment.

She rolls her eyes as she stands.
I grab her hand before she goes too far.
I pull her back to look at me.
Her arms are crossed over her chest.
I place each of my hands on either side of her face.

"Listen to me, I didn't love Melanie half the amount that I love you." I kiss her forehead and linger for a moment. "You got that?"

She nods and I try to stop focusing on the fact that I just told her I loved her.