2:56 :: h.s

vingt quatre

13:45

Melanie and I slept together last night and I regret it.
She hasn't stopped texting me since I had her leave my house.
After I kicked everyone out at seven-thirty, I packed my stuff and had Cody drive me to the airport.
The flight wasn't too bad - first class is always a grand time.
My mom picked me up from the airport about twenty minutes ago.

I lay in my bed and feel more comfortable than I have all week.
My room is freezing and I find it comforting.
A few of the things on my book shelf have been moved and one of my books is sitting on my nightstand.
Knowing that Rae has been here makes my heart flutter.

My mom went back to work after she dropped me off so I have the house to myself.

Maybe I should go see if she's at the swing?

I climb out of my bed and throw my shoes back on.
The weather is warmer now, so a t-shirt is perfect.
I check the mirror to make sure my hair doesn't look too messy.
I grab my keys from the counter, lock the front door, and go out the back.

Halfway to the swing, I see a blue, red, and black shirt walking around a corner.
I pick up my pace a little bit, step off the trail, and hide behind a bush.
Rae walks by me without noticing and I hop back onto the path.
I follow behind her and slowly pick up speed.
I can feel the algid air radiating from her.

I put my hands over her eyes and whisper, "guess who."

I feel her cheeks rise.
Her hands pull mine down as she spins to face me.
Her smile grows and her arms fly around my neck.
I'm welcomed with cold arms and a warm smile.

"Hi!" She squeals.

I laugh, "hi."

"How was the trip?" Rae asks as she pulls away.

I shrug, "not too bad. I got to see my old friends and hung out at their houses so."

"That's good, it's been boring here. But, I mean, when is it not?" She jokes.

I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I missed you."

She looks to the ground and glances shyly at me, "I missed you, too."

I feel that if her blood still flowed, her cheeks would be bright red.

"Shall we go to my house?" I ask.

She looks back at me and begins to walk again, "sure. So, what else did you do?"

"Well, last night my friends threw me a massive going-away party at my house, which I really didn't care for, and that's pretty much it. I just kind of laid in my bed the entire time and went out for food with friends."

She nods. "Cool, I stayed here. I didn't really feel like traveling so I stayed in town. I did find a river though. It takes about the same amount of time to get there as the walk from your house to the swing, so if you're ever interested in a swim, there ya go."

I chuckle, "depends. Would you be swimming with me?"

Rae cackles, "I don't even know if I can swim!"

"Well, what's the harm in trying? You're already dead, and you don't breathe, so it's not like you could drown and die!" I try to keep the tone light.

"I mean, you're not wrong," she shrugs, "when it gets warmer we'll try. I don't want to go by myself, and I know you're from a desert so that water is way too cold for you right now."

"It's a date. I mean, a deal. It's a deal." I fumble with my words.

She chuckles, "what am I gonna do with you?"

She stops and turns to me.
I stare into her grey eyes.
I feel my heart pounding against my rib cage.
Her smile falls and her eyes move to my lips briefly.
I swallow.

"Can I try to kiss you?" Her voice is small.

I don't respond.
I place my hands on either side of her neck and press my lips against hers.
I feel the ice beginning to corse through my veins and slowly drip into my bones.
Her hands find my waist and rest on my hips.

This feels better than anything Melanie, or any other girl, could do.

Rae is colder than the Arctic Ocean, and more beautiful than a waterfall of stars.
And I am undoubtedly, unintentionally, and completely, unwillingly in love with her.

I know she can't feel it, I can tell by the way her hands are gripping my t-shirt and her lips press harder against mine.
I pull away, I need to breathe.
My forehead rests against hers.
Her eyes are closed.
She's disappointed, I know, and I would do anything to make that pain go away.

"I'm so sorry," Rae whispers.

"Why are you apologizing?" I give her quizzical look.

She shakes her head and pulls away, "because I can't feel you."

My hands drop from her. "You shouldn't be apologizing. You didn't ask to be here, you were brought here against your will, and that's not your fault."

"But I want to feel you. I want to know what your hair feels like between my fingers. I want to know how warm your skin is. I want to know if your lips are as soft and gentle as they look. I want to know what you smell like. I want to know you, Harry. I know your personality and what sets you off, but what is any of that when there isn't anything physical? Every time you touch me you get goosebumps, and eventually your skin turns purple, and I'm afraid that I'm hurting you. I'm sorry, Harry, I'm so sorry."

I have a feeling that if she could, she'd be crying.
I don't know what to say.
My heart feels like it's been split in two.

I'm in love with a girl who doesn't remember what it's like to smell roses and who would give up anything to be able to feel.

But she's already lost almost everything.