2:56 :: h.s

dix huit

14:43

I'm sitting in the parking lot, waiting for someone to let me out, and looking for something to listen to.
It's raining, again, and I'm trying to find something that fits the mood.

Halsey sounds good.

I click shuffle and notice that someone is letting me out.
I wave to thank them.
Drive plays throughout the car and I turn the volume up.

When I get home, it's fairly warm in the house.
She wasn't here today.
I throw my backpack on the chair and get out my homework.
We have to write a poem for English and it has to be about something that has affected our lives.
I was thinking about writing about how my dad cheated on my mom but I'm not sure.
Out of everything I've been through, that's the thing that affected me the most.
I open my journal to start writing but I see handwriting that isn't mine.
I look at the page and begin reading:

March 20, 2016

Yo dude, it's Rae. I found this laying on your counter after you fell asleep so I thought I'd write you a lil' note. You're snoring really loudly right now and it's super cute. Your hair is everywhere and it's also cute. Anyway, I just wanted to put this in here as a reminder that whenever you need someone to talk to, I'll be here. I mean, I'll be here until it's time to go to the afterlife, I guess.
I also wanted to thank you for hanging out with me, and not getting creeped out all the time, and for braiding my hair when I ask you to, and for letting me borrow your t-shirts when I walk here in the rain, and for overall just being a bomb-ass person.
I'm gonna go now, your mom just pulled in the garage.
See ya, babe (;
Never let me say that again.

I find myself with a small smile on my lips.
Her handwriting is quite nice.
When she called me cute, I felt my cheeks warm up a bit.
She always looks so small in my clothes and I love it.

I flip the page to a clean one and begin to write about my parents and my fathers betrayal.

::

16:37

I just finished my homework and my mom texted me to let me know she'll be home early.
I kept looking outside to see if Rae was coming up but so far she hasn't.
Yesterday was like this, too.
And she never came.

I guess what scares me the most about knowing her is that she could go into the afterlife in the middle of the day and I would never know.
I'd just be left wondering where she went and if she was ever coming back.
God, that's unsettling.

Maybe I should go to the swing and see if she's there?

Over the course of these couple weeks, after school she'd walk me there and show me things that help her find her way.
For example, a branch with a vine growing along it is checkpoint one.
A small patch of dead flowers is checkpoint two, and so-on-and-so-forth.

I figure I should just go so I put on my boots, leave a note for my mom, grab my keys, and start walking.
The weather is becoming warmer so I don't need anything more than a long-sleeve shirt.
There are birds chirping as I walk into the woods and I follow the checkpoints.

I eventually spot the swing and move the overgrown grass out of the way.
When I look at the blanket, Rae isn't there.
I look around the tree a bit, looking up into it just in case, and conclude that she isn't here.
I decide to take a seat on the blanket and admire the trees and plants coming back to life.

I wish Rae was like them.