Little Things

Remembering

some nights,

like last night

it is just all

too real

the waiting to go up to bed

where I knew you would be waiting

to open the door and

lead me to you,

when you would wrap your arms around me

carry me gently

lay me down softly and

for once I would feel safe and at peace

with myself and who I am and who I hope to be

but unlike last night,

I was alone.

there was no you waiting for me upstairs

and yet the same songs were playing

so instead of smiling and

looking into your eyes I 

stared at the sky and let the tears carry me

to a different place,

I curled into a ball and remembered the weight

of your arm around me and

your body above me,

I turned my head and remembered the pressure

of your lips against mine with

your hand pressing into my back or

maybe resting on my collar bone,

I shivered and remembered the way you would

caress my arms and back so lightly

with your fingertips barely touching my skin,

I shut my eyes tight and remembered the happiness

that burst through me every time you whispered

I love you

in the middle of the night.

my heart is bleeding more

than it ever has before

I have tried so hard to move on,

to forgive and accept and forget

I deleted all of the notes you sent me from my phone

I keep you out of mind as much as I can but

you still take over my thoughts

and your fingers still run down my sides

and I still see your smile in my head,

I haven't looked at the photos of us

in a while but they are 

so real in my mind,

still seeing your face 

wether it's in person or a digital copy

takes my breath away because you are just so

amazing and 

you are just someone I have always wanted to meet

and be with.

I have learned that distance

isn't what tears two people apart,