Love Me If You Dare

29

 This past month has been amazing, Alex and I have been hanging out a lot and she's really cool. I like her but I don't know if I like her enough to actually be with her, I'm still in love with Reaye and sometimes I catch myself wishing Alex was Reaye and I hate it. I wish feelings could be easy and everything about them weren't so complex. Alex is a really good person and she cares about me a lot. We were going for a walk and we ran into Annie again. Every time I see her my blood boils. I tried to hold my anger back and because I tried to control myself and my autism I ended up having a fit. I don't smoke weed anymore so I don't know how I’m going to control it. Alex and I always say friends over everything and I was thankful she's my friend because she was a lot of help during my fit. She didn't try and hold me and she didn't try to convince me to stop. Instead she just sat there and talked to me like nothing was even wrong. We sat for two hours while I ticked and stuttered and slapped my hands. I slapped my head and cried a little. Alex didn't look at me weird or odd. She didn't get up and walk away from me. She just stayed there adamant to walk me home to make sure I’m OK Alex was absolutely adorable and it made me feel like I should tell her more about me.

“Hey D. What was that about back there?”

“Which part?”

“All of it. Who was that girl who kept staring at you. Who was that boy that continued to mouth shit at you? And more importantly, what was up with that episode?”

“That was my ex who likes to talk shit about a birth defect because she's pissed at me. That boy is some stupid fuck who’s ass I want to beat. And that was one of my autism fits. I hate them, I hate that I don't have control of my body when I'm like that and thank you so very much for just staying with me.”

“You're welcome love. I felt bad and I thought that if I left you someone would give you shit and that would have pissed me off. You're amazing and I hate to think that people harass you about problems you have no control over.”

“I wish everyone else thought the same way you do. You're amazing Yourself.”

She leaned in and kissed me and I didn’t want her to stop. It's been so long since I’ve felt someone touch me in a way that made me know they care about me as more then a friend. I wish I had never met Reaye. If I never met her then I could fall into Alex. I could give her everything I have to offer and everything I hold it in my heart but it already all belongs to Reaye. I miss her and I want her back but Alex is a fantastic sexy distraction. I felt bad though, I always said it's not fair to be with someone if you wish they were someone else and to be fair to myself I’m not with Alex, We're just friends who are attracted to each other, I haven't even slept with her because I'm not sure I'm ready for her to know about my problem that I’m most self conscious about.

“D can I ask you a question?”

“Of course you can.”

“OK um please don;t think I’m a slut but why have we not had sex yet?”

“DO you want the truth or a lie?”

“The truth always.”

“OK well I have I have a birth defect, my left labia is bigger then my right one and that's what that kid was mouthing to me, Annie has caused me a lot of hell. People keep saying shit about it like it's supposed to be a penis and it smothered Annie and she couldn't breath when she went down on me so I haven't really let anyone else see that part of me.”

“Oh OK, I understand now and honestly I don't blame you, I would be reserved with people if I had the same problem myself. I give you kudos though because you carry yourself with such self confidence I would never expect something to be wrong with you. You die your autism so good to the point where and no offense but I thought you were making It up for attention I mean you seem completely normal but then I noticed your hands and how you have a hard time focusing your attention and then you had that fit and well honestly. Everything is admirable about you and I know you're In love with Reaye and that you're not ready to be with anyone and that's fine because I’m not ready to be with anyone either but I do love spending time with you and getting to know you because you're one of the most unique people I’ve ever met in my life and I think you're beyond fantastic.”

I was on the verge of tears but managed to choke out “thank you”

“Why are you crying beautiful?”

“Because that was so fucking sweet, I don't think you can realize how much that means to me, You just said everything as if I don't have problems at all.”

“Because I don't think you have problems, I also don't think you're mentally challenged I think you're mentally different with a lot of characteristics that strengthen your personality. I have a question.”

“I have an answer.”

“If you could change yourself. If you could fix your vagina and get rid of your autism and OCD would you do it?”

“Honestly? Fuck no! My problems make me who I am. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger is true and I wasn't even supposed to live past my birth and I’ve grown up to be an ambiguous, loving, strong heart and minded person.”

“I agree. Now what do you say we go back to my house and I can show you exactly how much I appreciate you.”

“What do you have in mind?”

she kissed me and gently bit my lip not knowing it drives me fucking bananas. I stood up grabbed her hand and ran with her back to her house. We ran faster then I thought we both could holding hands the whole entire time. When we got it her house she unlocked the door and pushed it open kissing me the whole entire time. She was little, maybe four foot eleven the tallest. I towered over her by inches considering I’m five foot six. I picked her up and I felt like I was holding a bag of flour, she weighed next to nothing. She tugged on my hair to directional me as to which direction to go to get to her bedroom. I kicked open her door and accidentally put a hole in it, she didn't seem to care though. We kissed madly as if this was the first time we've done this. I threw her on the bed and she stripped her clothes off. I took everything off except for my boxers and tried not to think about what her reaction would be. She took them off for me and just looked me up and down with her head cocked to one side.

“Are you OK?”

“I'm fine, are you OK? You're looking at me with some sort of expression.”

“Yeah, I'm just taking you all in. If I’m being honest. I don't see why you're so self conscious, it's not a big deal really.”

“You're just saying that.”

“No I’m serious, if you don't believe me then get over here so I can show you how much of a deal it isn't.”

she gave me a seductive sort of smile and wagged her finger at me telling me to stop being a tease. I don't know about her sexual history I don't want to know but I don't think this is the first time she's been with a girl. She knows what to say and do way to much for this to be her first time. I climbed on top of her and lost all track of time. We kissed and rocked into each other at a steady pace. She took the lead which was weird to me, I've never really been dominated before but as she pinned my hands to the bed and told me not to move I found it highly exhilarating. She knew all the spots to kiss me and all the spots to bite me. She put her head between my thighs and didn't make a comment on my problem or my massive amounts of fluid that showed how much I wanted her. She lapped at my clit and squeezed my thighs I gasped and panted and my hips involuntarily bucked against her face. Alex continued to lick me at a steady pace and I was climbing fast. The whole core of my body began to warm up and breathing started to become more jagged. When I thought she was almost done she put two digits into my sex and pushed as hard and deep as she could. I screamed louder then I ever have before and begged her not to stop. When I laid still and could only breathe and not have a reaction she stopped and looked up at me slyly.

“So how did I do for my first time?”