Not Without You

Chapter 13: I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Dan's POV

I had never been more scared in my life.

It had been 15 minutes since Phil's freak out. I sat him on the couch and left to make food. It was after supper so I made some popcorn before returning to the couch where I had left Phil curled up in a comforter.

Well, his first one. About halfway through making the popcorn, an ear piercing scream rings through the apartment. Almost shattering my eardrums. I run back into the living room to find Phil curled up in an even tighter ball, if that was even possible. his small form shaking as his eyes were shut tighter then I'd ever seen them.

My instinct told me to give him space but my heart told me he needed me. My best friend needed me and I wasn't gonna let him down this time. Not this time. Not again.

"Phil?" I questioned lightly. It did nothing. "Phil?" I called out a bit louder, straining my voice to not break.

"Mmhmm" Phil's sleeping form mumbled. Dragging the end like a chain on a dir road. "D-D-"

"Phil?!" I sat down next to him and put my arm around his shaking shoulders. Shhhh Phil its okay. It's me. Everything's okay.'

I cradled Phil close to me and I hummed the song I sang earlier to calm his nerves.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That was the microwave warning me that if I didn't retrieve its contents they would be left forgotten until the next unsuspecting victim tried to warm something up.

I wasn't sure what was happening today but something if anything was factual it would be that something is wrong with Phil and I was going to do anything in my power to help him.

Still humming the song, I started rocking side to side. Since my arm was around Phil he came with me.

I started full on singing now. I sang the only song I was sure I could sing.

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine,

You make me happy,

When skies are gray,

I took a deep breath before continuing. The butterflies in my stomach were a mess of wings and legs.

You'll never know dear,

How much I love you,

Please don't take my sunshine away.

I gave Phil a quick peck on the forehead.

I think this was the first time I realized what I was doing. I was driving myself insane. Phil was the first person to ever truly care for me and what had i done?

I had convinced myself that what I felt was platonic.

I wasn't so sure anymore.

I couldn't dwell on that thought, as much as I would have liked to curl up into a small corner of my bedroom and waste away till I could tell what all these feelings ment, as Phil had slowly started to open his eyes.

"Phil?" I whispered excitedly as he blinked a few times. I didn't blame him. It was particularly bright today.

He just nodded solemnly as he tried to sit up straighter (yeah cause that'll work).

I tried to take my arm out from under him but he countered my pull. For once, my arm stayed comfortably around him.

He was strangely quiet as we sat there. Whatever happened was not up for discussion. I understood that feeling.

The silence that had swept over us was quite nice. I could think.

I looked over at the TV. The screen was black. The bookshelf was carefully organized. My comforter was spread over Phil, clashing desperately with his colorful pajama bottoms. Star Wars.

The passing over vehicles interrupted our silence. For the first time in a while I hated the city.

Remembering the popcorn I attempt to stand up.

"Pl-ease" I heard Phils voice crack, "Please stay."

As much as I wanted to stay my legs were cramping and knowing how much Phil loved popcorn I figured it would make him feel better. Hopefully.

I turned my head and pressed my face to his ear.

"I'll be right back. I promise." I felt a slight release and I took that as an opportunity to stand up and stretch before giving Phil a soft smile and walking to the kitchen. As quick as that smile was it made me feel alot better to see my best friend smiling back at me.

I power walked to the microwave and I pulled the bag out. It was still warm but not burn your fingers off hot.

I poured it into a bowl and returned to the couch.

I pulled the comforter over my own legs too this time and cuddled up close to Phil.

I passed him the bowl of popcorn and he nodded which I took as a thank you.

It took my a minute to get used to the silent crunching of the popcorn before I decided to turn on the TV to finally break the ties with silence.

"So Philly what would you like to watch?" I tried my best to add cheer into my voice. I hoped it would rub off on my best friend.

His voice sounded weak but he managed out a small "anything" which made my heart shatter.

I couldn't stand to see anyone hurt even if I usually acted sarcastic and rude but I hated the thought of others in mental or physical discomfort. especially my best friend.

I flicked through the channels mindlessly. Instead of focusing on what I was scrolling by I focused on The slow but steady breathing coming from Phil.

I still pretended I was looking. I stole a glance over at Phil to see him staring straight forward at seemingly empty space.

"Ugh" I turned on Netflix.

Nothing seemed right. Everything was too happy or too gruesome and sometimes too sad.

"It's okay. Let's just listen to music." An unexpected sound came from Phil beside me. Almost like he had read my mind.

"I'd like that." I replied.

Just then I heard Phils phone go off.

I passed it to him and he answered.

Only soft muffling could be heard through the other side of the phone.

Phil's hand went to his mouth, I assume in shock.

"A-all right" he said before taking a deep breath, "Call me if anything happens."

He turned to me, his eyes filled with tears.

"I-its Martyn... He's in the hospital."