Rock Bottom

10: Momma' Dearest

"Lord, please save her for me. Do this one favor for me."

Drinking isn't my specialty, but after today's events I made an exception. I shook my glass of Tequila and sighed softly to myself. I think I'm drunk, but I'm not quite sure. I thought when you get drunk your emotions fade away. It's different this time. Right now, all of my emotions are taunting my mind. My past is floating back up and I want it to stop. Thinking about the past is what sends me into a downward spiral.

Memories of my conflicted childhood. All of the pain and the torment I went through never seems to go completely away. It only hides in the shadows until it sees fit to come out again. The same questions haunt me twenty four-seven. Questions that I'll never get answers to. 

"Mama, can you take me to my audition?" I asked my mother who sat on the couch reading a copy of some random home style magazine. 

She looked me and up down and snickered. 

"What audition, Mia?" she questions. 

I frowned, "Remember, I'm auditioning for the new ballet studio opening up downtown. You said you would take me," I reminded her.

"Do you seriously think I would let you leave the house looking like..that," she scoffed in disgust.

I glanced down at my baby pink leotard and my ballet shoes trying to figure out what I'd done wrong now. 

"Like..what, mama?" I asked softly.

She inhaled a long, deep breath before speaking again.

"Mia, you look like a pig. You will not go to that audition looking like that because you're representing me and that's that. Now go upstairs and take that silly leotard off!" she snapped.

Crushed, I turned around and made my way back up the stairs. A stray tear traveled down my face as I walked back up the stairs. I can't describe the way I feel anymore because I'm so familiar with it. I'm numb. I'll always be seen as not good enough in her eyes. Sad part about it is my dad only knows the half of it. I choose not to tell him because I know it won't do any good for my mother and I's relationship so what's the point?

"Why aren't I good enough, mama?" I slurred, talking to no one in particular.

I grabbed my cell phone and dialed mama's number. I need to know! 

"Hello, who's calling?" she answered in a cheery tone.

"It's your only daughter, mama. You missed me?" I asked her.

She sighed, "What do you want, Mia?"

"I want to know why you don't love me!" I replied.

She paused, "Goodbye Mia," she said quietly before hanging up the phone.

"UGH!!" I screamed in rage. I launched my glass across the room and watched the pieces of glass shatter and hit the carpet. 

I rushed to my room and grabbed my Pandora's Box; the box where I kept my white.  I sorted out three lines on my coffee table in my living room. I snorted the first line and waited a few seconds for the drugs to travel through my blood stream. I snorted the second line and then the third directly after. 

Shortly after, I got my fix a wave of euphoria rushed over me. Everything around me grew blurry and my heart rate slowed down. An intense sense of drowsiness rushed over me so I did what my body told me to. I closed my eyes and put my mind at ease. 

"Mia, wake up! MIA!" I heard shouting.

"Go away," I mumbled.

For a second, whoever it was stopped shouting. I sighed in relief and fell back asleep. My joy was short lived when I felt cold water hitting my skin causing me to jump up.

"Yo, what the fuck?!" I shouted.

Ramone stood by bedside with an empty pot and his hand on his hip. Disappointment's written all over his face and I ran my hand down my face. 

"What do you want, Ramone? I made it clear that I don't fuck with you anymore," I snapped while taking off my drenched clothes. 

Irritated is an understatement right now. Not only did he blow my high, but why is he in my face.

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever Mia. What happened to your face?" 

I sighed, "I'm fine. I ran into a wall," I lied not wanting to hear his mouth.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Mia, you better tell me who the hell did that. If it's who I think it is, I'm going over to his crib and shooting him in the ass!" he snarled.

"You're being dramatic. Get out cause ion' even fuck with you right now!" I frowned. 

"Okay? Bitch, I'm still your manager and I'm still your best friend. Get your ass up and get yourself together. You look a mess! When you done showering, you're going to get on the phone and call your other best friend and apologize to her. What you said was fucked up and you know it was! You need to stop pushing away the people who're trying to help you because you're only fucking yourself over in the end."

"I called my mother earlier," I said softly.

Ramone's face softened. He knew all about my mother, but he doesn't know about the purging. He would probably go blow her house up cause his ass is crazy.

"What happened?"

"I asked her why doesn't she love me and she hung up. I just don't understand why my own mother doesn't see as worthy of being her daughter," I explained.

Ramone sighed and took a seat next to me, "Mia, baby. We all fuck up because that's human nature. However, it's up to you to learn from your mistakes and prosper. The path you're traveling down Mia is dangerous and I'm telling you some good shit. You may think that you're fine now because you can control your addiction. Addiction is nothing to play with. Addiction can drag you down in the deep pits of pain, anger, emptiness, and the list goes on. Get some help!" he preached.

I sighed and ran my hand down my face, "No. I don't have an addiction so why would I need help? Now drop it or get out of my apartment," I cleared my throat and walked past him to go to the bathroom so I could clean myself up.

Not really a drama filled chapter, but I gave a lot of background information. 

Before you guys go attacking Mia, remember denial is a defense mechanism. She's been through a lot and she doesn't really know any better. In her mind, she's doing what's right.

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