One New Message

3

"Hey, it's Kalani. Sorry I missed you, leave a message and I'll call back as soon as I can, bye!"

Black has always been one of my favorite colors. Not anymore though. Looking at myself in the mirror, with this horrible black dress on, I have never despised a color more.

We laid you to rest today. I don't think I've ever felt more numb. I didn't cry on the way there. I didn't cry in the church. I didn't cry. I didn't cry until my eyes met your empty coffin. It didn't feel real until that moment. It was a reminder that we weren't even able to bring your body back because there were no remains. The fire department said that you must have disappeared in the burnt remains of your car. I still feel sick thinking about you setting fire to your car, with you inside. Sometimes, I think that maybe you didn't mean to kill yourself. Maybe your locks got stuck and the car burst into flames before you could escape. It's better to think that than anything else.

Your parents chose the dress I suggested, and I wasn't prepared to see the delicate silver chain sitting in your coffin with half a heart on it. My necklace holds the other half. I've probably worn away the writing engraved in the back of it thanks to the countless times I held it in my fingers today. It made me feel closer to you in some way.

I also saw him at your service today. The minute my eyes met his, I felt my blood boil. I never liked him, I knew he was bad news. I wish you would have listened when I told you that.

"Oh my gosh, Demi!" she squeals before jumping beside me on my bed.

"Oh my gosh, Kalani!" I mimic, causing her to punch me on the arm. "Uh, ow!" I yell out in fake pain before returning a punch for good measure.

"Right stop, Dem I have news and it's exciting so please be serious for like ten seconds of your life alright?" she pleads, and I nod in response.

"Okay, serious. Tell me your news" I reply, anxiously waiting for whatever she's about to tell me. I can't help but admire my best friend's features. She truly is stunning, and I can't help but feel a little insecure about that.

"Dem, did you even hear me?" she whines, and I immediately snap back to reality.

"I'm sorry, I don't know where I went there" I apologise, giving my best 'sorry' eyes. "My attention is all yours this time, I promise" I say before smiling at her.

"Jason asked me out this morning, I have a boyfriend!" she giggles excitedly, but all I can feel is a pain in my chest. The panic sets in and the voices in my head tell me that I'm about to lose my best friend to some boy and that I'll end up alone. Irrational thoughts. "Demi, aren't you happy for me? I actually have a boyfriend!" she repeats, louder this time.

"Of course I'm happy for you Kal, congrats!" I fake excitement, but to her it's real.

She pulls me into a quick hug, and I take the few seconds to treasure her embrace. I'll miss that when she's too busy for me.

If only we had both known what Jason was really like. That he was an abusive and manipulative person. I can still remember hearing your screams over the phone as you begged me to come and get you from his house. I remember seeing him forcing himself on you, and the way you would plead for him to stop. I also remember how good it felt to smack him over the head with the bed side lamp so you could escape him. Sometimes I wish I picked up something harder, or hit him harder so that he would be permanently unconscious. I know that's bad to think, but he hurt you. No one hurts my best friend.

All people seem to ask me today is if I'm okay. They have these miserable, pitiful looks on their faces as they ask the dumbest question ever. I feel like if you were here with me right now, you'd be laughing with me at how morbid this entire situation is. But you're not here. And I'm not laughing.

The last thing you told me was that you would be home soon, and that you love and miss me. Never did I think that instead of you returning home, in your place would be an empty coffin with nothing but your favourite dress and necklace inside.

I have to go, but I wanted to hear your voice again and keep you updated on life without you.

Ps, it sucks.

I miss you Kalani, bye.