its not LOVE. It's HORMONES

Extra: Finding a New Me.

Here is part two! This a story about Rebecca. Enjoy!

NOT EDITED!!!!!!!!!!!

Extra: Finding a New Me.

Dear Diary,

Every time I write in this book I feel like I'm a child. I don't know why I do it. I guess its therapeutic, but as the first semester of sophomore year comes to an end, I can't help feel obligated to write another long ass update. Well for one, I get to see my stupid brother and sister, but instead of dreading seeing their face like I did in high-school, I can't help but feel excited. I especially can't wait to see Rose. Me and her have gotten surprisingly close. We skype every day, and I couldn't help, but feel like an idiot for being mean to her, and missing out on that sister relationship. She has become my best friend. She's the person who understands me the most, and tells me how it is. I couldn't ask for a better partner in crime. I sometimes have to laugh at myself for breaking my relationship with her over a stupid boy, Elliot.

Writing his name now I don't get the same feeling as I use to, and I can't but feel like a new person because of it. It is as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulder. During the summer between freshmen and sophomore year, me and Elliot went on a date. And it was everything I wanted, but as we talked, I couldn't help but feel tied down.

I know it sounds crazy, but it felt like chains were holding me to him like a suffocating feeling. I always wanted Elliot to like me back or even fall in love with me, but I soon realize that I was so focus on being Elliot's girlfriend that I forgot to just be Rebecca. I was so focus on Elliot liking me because I  based my self-worth on how he felt for me. My confidence and self esteem was based on how other people perceived me or loved me. And I realize that was my biggest flaw.

I needed to love myself before looking for love. Because if I was able to love myself, then I didn't have to focus on what society thought of me. I was free, and wasn't having freedom something we all strive for. Loving yourself in my opinion is the key to happiness because you were able to live your life without regrets because every decision wasn't based on what the person next to you thought, but what you wanted it. I do take into consideration what other people think of me because you can't live without caring about how other people perceive you because that is unrealistic. We have to live with these people, but I understand I have to take their opinion into consideration and now base my life on it. I hope that make sense. It does in my head haha.

So when Elliot leaned in for the kiss, I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea. He probably thought I was high because I had wanted this moment since I could remember. But I knew if I kissed him then I would probably become my mother, and that was something I didn't want to do. I didn't want my life to become dependent on someone. I needed to become independent.

So that's what I did.

The beginning of first semester of sophomore year gave me a new start. I know freshmen year of college was supposed to be a new start, but for me it was the opposite. I moved into my own apartment which was a new beginning become I was in a new home not a constant reminder of how I was during senior year of high-school. I finally switched my majors from being undeclared to moving towards a degree plan that allowed me to become a social worker. I know me a social worker, the bitchy Rebecca. But as I left high school, I left all baggage with it. I was no longer pressured to fall into cliques or try to maintain a popularity status.

As the semester went along, I joined the hip-hop dance club. As much as I love cheerleading I didn't really enjoy the 'cheer' part, but I enjoyed the actual routine. Plus, me cheering on guys was something I was separating myself from. Dancing allowed me to find people; to gain a group of friends that I am slowly learning to call my college family. But dancing allowed me to explore myself and enjoy life. Also the fact that it allowed me to workout, made me feel great and love my body. I think the biggest change was that I stop putting on make-up. I use to think make-up made me beautiful, and when I realize that I had this mentality, I knew I had to change it. So I stop putting on make up. And at first I felt ugly and expose, but now I appreciated my beauty, and when I do put on make-up sometimes, I don't do it to make myself beautiful, but I do it to enhance my beauty.

But as the semester comes to an end I have come to the realization that I have come to a point where I love myself. I am no longer a girl who wants to be labeled as Elliot's girlfriend, but I am a girl who is called Rebecca and then anyone's girlfriend, and I couldn't help but feel happy because of it.

Yours Truly,

The Less Bitchy Rebecca.

Okay Rebecca's done. I really loved writing this chapter. I guess every girl kind of goes through this. For anyone who is reading this please love yourself. Don't look for guys to determine your self-worth. I was a victim to it, and I just really want to emphasize this idea!

Okay whose next

A) Elliot

B) Iris

C) Leo

D) Sareen

E) Blaine 

Check out my new story "Falling for the Bald Boy!" The first chapter is published!