Hiding My Heart

Chapter 41

I moan and stretch my arms over my head, cracking my back as I sit up blinking in confusion. I'm on the couch with a light blanket lying on my lap. I blink and look around the empty living room. Feeling my phone jam against my hip bone I grab it and switch it on looking at the time. One o'clock.  

Seven hours passed already? Not even a second ago I was crying with my mom sitting on the couch, talking. But did we really talk? My head was pounding just slightly and it felt as if I had been ran over by a truck.  

"Oh you're awake." I look up at the sound of my mom's voice. She holds a bottle of pills and a glass of water in her hands. 

I nod still confused until everything came back to me. After I arrived home and I found myself in my mom's arms I had cried myself to sleep. The exhaustion and only a few hours of sleep had taken over and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. 

I watch as she comes into the rest of the living room placing the bottle of pills and water on the table in front of the couch. 

"I brought some medicine; you used to always get bad headaches after you cry, just like me." She says embarrassed a little. 

I nod my head in thanks and grab the pills and taking two, washing them down with the water. We are quiet after I finish, neither of us speaking. I know I've waited for this day, I needed answers but I didn't know how to ask. After the argument with her in the first place that drove me out of my house I didn't know how to go about things. 

"You know you can ask anything right?" She says softly. "I don't want to keep things from you anymore." 

"Are you drunk right now?" I ask looking at her sharply. I didn't want to talk to her if she was drunk, I needed her sober if I was going to get my answers. 

She looks surprised at my question but composes herself a second later. "I haven't touched a beer since you've been gone." She says. 

I narrow my eyes in doubt, searching her face. Even though she too looked exhausted I couldn't smell any alcohol on her breath or even around the house. Her eyes weren't red; they were more alert than anything.  

I bite my lip and nod. "Why didn't you just tell us?" I finally ask. "Brayden and Natalie-" I break off. 

She looks down at her lap in guilt. "How do I tell a young child that their real father didn't want them? Natalie was six when Joey came into our lives, and when she called him daddy... I didn't stop him. He told her that he was her father, Brayden's too. He knew that I didn't want the kids to know about their real fathers. Because their real fathers didn't want anything to do with them, they were abandoned and never tried contacting them. He knew I didn't want that for them, he vowed to be the best father to them he can." 

"And when he left... I was too scared to tell them. Scared that they would hate me and try to find them. I didn't want them to be disappointed at who their fathers were. The last time I checked Natalie's father was in prison and that was when she fifteen, I don't think he's out yet. And Brayden's father has a family of his own, kids of his own, living the perfect life. I actually contacted him after Brayden was born; he told me he wanted nothing to do with Brayden, that having a child out of wedlock would look bad on him. His parents told him to never contact me again or he would lose his trust fund. Stupid I know. I can't tell them that one of their fathers is a criminal and chose money over him. It's not fair."  

I sigh and look at my fingers in my lap. "Are you ever going to tell them?" 

I look at her this time watching her closely as she answers. He shoulders sag and she hangs her head. "I have too; it's the right thing to do. I've already kept so much from them and I don't want to have you to also. I don't want you to feel as if I put my problems off on you. I wish you didn't find out like that."