Broken, Imperfect

Chapter 28

A/N: So this story is just over 6k and I'm so excited. I feel so accomplished and I feel so good about myself and all of you guys are so sweet. Like your comments, they're just wonderful. I love you guys so much, you're all angels. This story is coming to an end, and I think I might even make a sequel. This story has been so basic and I've felt bad about it but you guys make me feel good again so thank you. 💕🎀

Alan's PoV
School the next day wasn't nearly as hellish as I had made it out to be in my head.

For once, I was able to have a calm, peaceful week. Everything seemed alright, except for one thing. One person.

Austin.

He wasn't being an ass, or being distant. He was doing what he normally would do but, now there seemed to be something off about it. Ever since the whole Josh thing, he'd been as normal as he could be although our relationship was awkwardly saved by confessions of love. I knew it wasn't that. Maybe that played into it, but he wasn't still overly upset. We had talked through it and we were normal again, but like I said. Something was off.

It killed me that I couldn't figure it out. It was like having a name or something right there on the tip of your tongue but you just couldn't find it. You couldn't quite remember. That's how this made me feel. I knew something was off. I could feel it. Ask me to explain, and that's where I get lost.

It was at the very edge of my mind. As I let myself get lost in thought, the bell ending second period buzzed, and a student nudged me sharply to alert me, giving me a slight nod as I thanked them. I could have been sitting there all day.

I exited the classroom and Austin was waiting right beside the door as always. I laced our fingers together and we walked to third period in silence, thanking God that it was the end of the week. None of us could take much more.

I hummed slightly and Austin smiled at me but remained silent. We sat down and did our 'bell-ringer' work sheet asking about some concept or principle we had learned. Once I read it, I got excited because it actually asked for our opinion on Genetically Modified Organisms. As Austin read the topic he let a smile slip my way, knowing I'd have a lot to say. We set to work and we went over some new material until lunch.

Neither of us ate, and I prodded at Austin to tell me what was going on since he seemed different, and despite his reluctance, I convinced him to let me in on his mood and behavior.

"I think we should talk at home. Not in school" he said finally, and thinking that he was scared of ridding himself of emotions on school grounds around people he wasn't all that fond of, I accepted.

The rest of the day drug on, but I made it through as always. We got to his and we sat criss cross on his bed and I had thankfully slipped into some sweats.

"Alright Alan, this isn't easy for me but I think we need a break." He spoke as we settled. My entire body iced over. My breath caught in my throat and silence enveloped us.

"W-what?" I choked out.

"I just feel like after the whole thing with Josh, we both need time to kind of get ourselves together. We can come back around in a month or so if we still want to, and we can go at this like we are meeting each other for the first time again. Minus me being an asshole." Austin said calmly, gently rubbing his hand across my cheek.

"But I.... I thought we were...." I couldn't even put what I was thinking into words and I felt a tremor in my knees. "I let you- you-" I continued to stumble over words. "My virginity" I whispered finally, letting the horror of the situation envelop me.

Austins eyes were sad, but calm like I'd never seen them before. He scooted over next to me and wrapped an arm around me trying to comfort me.

"Alan, look, you know that I love you. You know that I do not take that lightly, and I have every intention of finding my way back to you if it is even remotely possible, but for now I think we need a little bit of time apart so we can get our heads straight. We rely way too much on each other and it's killing me. I'm filled with all of this doubt with my mind telling me one thing, my heart telling me another, and then you telling me yet another. I don't want to hurt you. That's never been my intention." He swore to me.

I was listening. I heard him. But my mind felt so numb. I felt like nothing. There times where I felt on top of the world, where nothing could bring me down and where I could see anything and everything.

Then there were times that I felt nothing. I felt like I was the lowest of lows. That nothing could affect me. Nothing good or bad. I was just a lump. An inanimate object. Nothing to be though of. I was a somebody, yet a nobody all at once and it was unbelievably painful to think that I'd have to take this on all on my own.

"I get it" I managed quietly. I removed his arm from around me and slowly climbed off of his bed, slipping on my shoes at his door. He followed me quietly, speaking as we went down the stairs but I wasn't listening. "Should I get my stuff now?" I said softly.

"Alan, like I said, I have every intention of us at least being friends. Always. You can get your stuff as you need it. It's whatever works best for you. I'm hoping it will end up back over here at some point." Austin told me, his voice never changing.

"I can't be friends. Not just friends" I said almost to myself. Austins eyes were sad, but for some reason neither of us could cry. Not even if we tried. We weren't sullen or broken. It was almost like I had subconsciously realized that he was right and I had accepted it that's how this all felt. That it's how he felt. Like we knew it had to be done, and we were doing it, but it was so confusing. We didn't know how to handle it.

"Alan, if this gets too much, I'll always consider you my best friend. Whether it be the way you want it to be or not. If you need me, you get up with me. Keep your key just in case. But do not come around for senseless things." He spoke quietly. I nodded numbly, but that only seemed to push his thoughts on. Made him speak more. "A month isn't as long as you think it might be unless you focus on it. Just let it fly by. It will be gone before you know it." He said gently as we reached my car. I nodded again, as if a simple shake of my head meant something. As if that simple movement was significant in any way.

I hadn't even gone yet, but I felt like I was a blur. I didn't even feel like a person anymore. I love Austin, too, and this didn't feel the way I expected it to, but I'm kind of scared too.

"Please say something" Austin murmured as I turned to him.

"I love you too" I told him definitely.

I reached out and hugged him once more before climbing into my car and leaving.

I wasn't going home, but I was going somewhere.

*Sorry guys. Just some editing.*