Summer Without Cancer ( Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 34 ~

A/N* - I'm crying so much right now

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"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

― Lao Tzu

- Viv -

12th September, Friday morning, eight am. It was beginning to look more like autumn. I had asked Harry to open to windows wide and pull the blinds up high so I could see. He did but my eyes were sore from straining now and I was back to watching him watching me.

It was quite nice watching Harry gaze at me. His eyes looked a more vivid green this morning and his messy mop of hair looked so much more detailed. In fact everything did. If someone told me the outside of my window was actually a painting I would've believed them because the colors were so perfect and bright on the leaves. My room seemed bigger for some reason and the air was still, not the slightest breeze.

I kept asking Harry to smile and he would be then he's stop. And Id tell him he had a lot to smile for and he'd tell me he loved me and smile again. Then I asked Harry to place my hand on his cheek and he did and he held it there for a long time while we stared at each other. Harry had really beautiful features. It's no wonder girls are so fond of him. Then I asked Harry to kiss me and he did, so tenderly. He kissed my lips my cheek, my nose my ears my neck my forehead over and over again. Then he lay back down again and let small tears fall from his eyes. I didn't think I had any left and even if I did, today was not a sad day. Today was a day of serenity.

I had to use to oxygen tank all day and it seemed to worry Harry. He kept checking it to make sure it was on properly and then he'd pace back and forth and ask me a hundred and one questions like, do you want some tea? Or do you need to use the loo? He knew I'd answer no as my appetite had been gone for days and if nothing was going in, nothing was going out.

The day was going by at a weird pace, like I was still and the world was rushing around me. Harry seemed to pace for hours but when he asked me was I ok while he showered it was only eleven o'clock. I nodded but he stared at me like I hadn't and maybe I hadn't but even so I was strangely sure I had.

"Vivvy?" Serena appeared at my door in her cute little school pinafore and side plaits. They were nothing like the ones I did in her hair, awful and you could see every hair out of place, but that was mama, she was never meant to be a hairdresser.

I looked at her and slowly put out my hand so she could sit beside me.

"Tell me about your day Stelle" I croaked, squeezing her hand.

I happily listened to her day. It sounded simple which was the way I wanted it to be. She told me about her new friend Christopher who happened to live down the road. Christopher's brother had been in the year ahead of me and had died of a brain tumor when I was fifteen. I guessed he was sympathetic towards her and I was happy, she needed a best friend. No one bullied her in her new school, no one treated her like she had a disease and today, for the the first time in months, I wasn't worried about Serena. I wasn't worried at all.

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Stelle,

You never asked why I called you Stelle. I guess when it's something you've been called for years it's like a second nature. Well, I call you Stelle because in Italian, it means Star. Which in my eyes you are. Unique and bright and the reason I've kept going all these years.

I hope you read this letter when your a bit older because right now I don't ever want you to feel sad. I don't know how to describe this to you and I don't know how your going to be told but your big sister has been asked to help god up in heaven, you used to tell me about angels in the sky and I guess you could say that's what I'm becoming. I won't be here to hold you Serena when you have your first heartbreak or give you that necessary sanitary towel when you have your first period. I will however be watching over you and whenever you feel scared or sad. Talk to me. Write me a letter. Draw me a picture do whatever you want just don't hold those feelings inside. Your a tough girl and your going to need to be tough when you discover the real world. It's not a nice place and you'll meet some horrible people but you'll meet nice ones as well. Don't give away your first kiss to easy either, treat em' mean, keep em' keen!