Relapse / / h.s.

Chapter Thirty-Seven.

     The  after-effects of rain were present all around me. The streets shone with the cleansing of the rain and even the leaves on the trees looked greener. The sun was starting to shine from behind the clouds, casting warmth and light over everything.

Today was going to be the day. I was going to do this.

It took a lot to get out of bed this morning and go to the floral shop to buy the bouquet of red roses. It took a lot to see all of the picture still attached to Lillian's mirror and remember it had been seven whole months since the last time I'd seen her.

It hadn't been that long, but I loved her. It felt like a whole lifetime since i heard her laugh or listened to her sing.

  I had concluded this: I loved her. I still love her. I will always love her.

  It was only right that I go visit her. And it was only right that I took Elena with me. In my mind, it was no longer just Lillian and I, it was Elena as well.

  Lillian would like her. I know she would have.

  "We're doing this," she sighed  as she rubbed her hand over mine on the middle counsel. Her hands were soft and warm as always and in the tight space of my truck I could smell her floral-scented lotion.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "We are."

  Despite the anchor in my chest, we were. We were actually going to do this.

"Is it..." She started, but then stopped suddenly as if she didn't know if she wanted to say what she was thinking. "Is it weird that I'm.. that I'm nervous? A little- maybe, maybe a lot."

  I interlocked our fingers and gave her hand a squeeze.

  "You shouldn't be," I assured her. For once, I didn't feel like I needed that extra push. Well, not yet anyway. "I think she would have liked you. Had she, you know, met you before. She definitely would have liked you."

She tried to hide it by turning her face toward the window, but I could see her smile.

I parked my truck out on the lifeless street and when I got out, I couldn't help but marvel at it- at the way a dark place could be so serene. The only sounds came from the birds as they sang from their trees.

  We walked down the dirt path in silence. I clutched the bouquet in my hands as we walked I decided quickly that I didn't like this place. Everything was too quiet.

  "This is weird," Elena spoke and I breathed easily again. "This place is giving me the chills."

  "It's not too bad," I sighed. I knew the general proximity of where we needed to be, but I didn't know for sure where it was. "It's just a little... quiet is all. Just a little-"

  "Here it is," Elena stopped walking suddenly, her brown eyes trained on a speckled granite headstone that was isolated from the others. It rested beneath a big willow tree,  away from all of the others and had a half-wilted bouquet of different flowers already resting against it.

   I took a step closer to read it.

      Lillian Brielle James Styles
      May 10 1996-January 28 2015
     A daughter, a sister, and a wife.

   I could feel my heart literally sink down into my stomach and the lump rise into my throat. Seeing her tombstone was something different. Seeing it made everything so real.