After

Chapter 66.

When I wake up it takes me a moment to remember that I am not in bed with Hardin. The sun is shining through the bay window and I sit up quickly. As my eyes adjust I am convinced that I am going mad.

"Hardin?" I say quietly and wipe my eyes again.

"Hey." He says back. He really is here.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I snap. My heart aches already. He is sitting in the chair with his elbows on his knees.

"Tessa, we need to talk." He says, the bags under his eyes prominent.

"Have you just been watching me sleep?" I ask.

"No, of course not. I just came in here a few minutes ago." He says. I wonder if he had nightmares without me in bed with him. If I hadn't witnessed them myself I would think those were part of his games as well, but I remember holding his sweaty face between my hands and seeing the fear in his green eyes.

I stay silent. I don't want to fight with him. I just want him to go away. I hate that I don't actually want him to go away, but he has to.

"Can we talk?" He repeats and I shake my head. He runs both hands through his hair and takes a deep breath.

"I have to go to class." I tell him.

"Landon already left, I turned your alarm off. It's eleven already."

"You what!"

"You were up late and I thought you.." He begins.

"How dare you even.. just go." I am beyond angry that he would turn off my alarm, he knows how I am about missing classes, but the pain from his actions yesterday is still fresh and it overshadows the anger from him turning off my alarm but I can't show any weakness or he will pounce on it. He always does.

"You're in my room." he points out. I climb out of the bed, not caring if I am only in a t-shirt, his t-shsirt.

"You're right, I will go." I say, the lump in my throat is growing and the tears are threatening behind my eyes.

"No, I meant.. I meant you are in my room.. Why?" His voice bleak.

"I don't know.. I just.. I couldn't sleep.." I admit. I need to stop talking. "It's not really your room anyway, I have slept here just as many times as you have. Actually more now." I point out.

"Your shirt didn't fit?" He asks, his eyes focused on the white shirt. Of course he is making fun of me.

"Go ahead, tease me." I say, the tears pooling at the bottom of my eyes.

He makes eye contact with me but I look away.

"I wasn't teasing you." He stands up from the chair and takes a step towards me. I back away and raise my hands to block him. "Just hear me out, okay?"

"What else could you possibly have to say Hardin, we always do this. We have the same fight over and over, only worse each time. I can't do it anymore. I can't." I breathe.

"I said I was sorry for kissing her." he defends.

"That isn't what this is about, well that's part of it but there is so much more. The fact that you don't get that proves that we are wasting our time. You will never be who I need you to be, and I am not who you want me to be." I wipe my eyes as he looks out the window.

"You are who I want you to be." He says.

I wish I could believe him, I wish he wasn't so incapable of feelings.

"You're not." Is all I can say. I know he is aware that I am crying but I can't seem to stop myself. I have cried so many times since I met him and if I get tangled back into his web, this is how it will always be.