After

Chapter 29.

"So what type of food do you like?" Hardin asks and I laugh. What a normal question for him to ask me. We really don't know much about each other besides the fact that we usually don't get along and we are complete opposites. I pull my matted, almost dry hair into a bun and think for a second about what I want to eat.

"Well, I like anything really as long as I know what it is, and it doesn't involve ketchup" I tell him and he laughs.

"You don't like ketchup? Aren't all Americans supposed to love ketchup?" he teases me.

"I have no idea but it is disgusting." We both laugh and I look over at  Hardin. His hand is still on my thigh and I hope he never removes it.

"Let's just stick with a plain diner then?"

I nod and he reaches to turn the music up but stops and puts his hand back on me.

"So what do you plan on doing after college?" He asks me. He has already asked me that before, in his room.

"I am going to move to Seattle immediately, and I hope to work at a publishing house or be a writer, I know it's silly" I say, suddenly embarrassed by my high ambitions. "You already asked me that before remember?"

"Not it's not. I know someone who knows the CEO of Vance Publishing house, it's a bit of a drive but maybe you should apply there for an internship, I could talk to him." 

"What? You would do that?" I am surprised, even if he has been nice for the last hour, this is beyond what I expected.

"Yea, it's not a big deal" He seems a little embarrassed. I am sure he isn't used to doing nice things.

"Wow, thank you. Really. I need to get a job or internship soon anyway and that would literally be a dream come true" I tell him and clap my hands. He laughs and shakes his head.

"Your welcome" He pulls into small parking lot with an old brick building in the center of it. "The food here is amazing" he says and climbs out of the car. Hardin walks to the trunk and opens it, grabbing another plain black t-shirt, he must have an endless supply. I was enjoying him being shirtless so much that I forgot he would eventually have to put one back on.

When we get inside we seat ourselves and the place seems deserted. An old woman walks to the table and hands us our menus. Hardin ends up ordering a hamburger and fries and I do the same.

"Good huh?" He asks as I take my first bite. I nod and wipe my mouth off. The food is delicious and we both clear our plates. The drive back to the dorm is relaxed and I tell Hardin about growing up in Richland, he says he has never heard of it. He isn't missing out on much, the town is small and everyone does the same things and no one ever leaves. Except me, I will never move back there. He doesn't offer me much information about himself but I am hopeful that he will soon. He seems very curious about my life as a child and he frowns when I tell him about my dad's drinking. I had mentioned it to him before while we were fighting but this time I went into a little more detail. His long fingers rub circles onto my leg as he drives and I am disappointed to see the WSU sign as we drive onto campus.

"Did you have a nice time?" I ask him. I feel so much closer to him now than I did a few hours ago. I know he can be nice if he tries to be.

"Yea, I did actually" he seems surprised. "I would walk you to your room but I don't want to play twenty questions with Steph" he smiles and turns his body sideways to face me.

"It's fine, I will see you tomorrow" I tell him. I'm not sure if I should lean in to kiss him goodbye or not. I am relieved when his fingers tug on a few loose strands of my hair and tuck them behind my ear. I lean my face into his palm and he leans over the divider and touches his lips to mine. It starts as a simple and gentle kiss but I feel it warm my entire body and I need more. Hardin grabs my arm and pulls it to gesture for me to climb over the divider. I quickly oblige and straddle his lap. I feel the seat recline slightly, giving us more room as I lift his shirt a little to slide my hands under it. His stomach is hard and his skin is hot.

His tongue massages mine and he wraps his arms around my back tightly. The feeling is almost painful but its a pain I will gladly endure to be this close to him. He moans into my mouth as I put my hands further up his shirt. I love that I can make him moan too, that I have this effect on him. We are interrupted by my phone ringing.

"Another alarm?" he teases me and I laugh.

"No, it's.. Noah" I say as I grab it and look at the screen. Hardin's expression changes and I hit the ignore button and toss my phone back on the passenger seat. I am not thinking about Noah right now, I push him to the back corner of my mind and close the door. I lean back in to continue kissing Hardin but stop me and leans away.

"I think I better go" his tone sends chills through me. When I look up at him his gaze is distant and ice immedtialty replaces the fire in my body.

"Hardin, I ignored it. I am going to talk to him about all this, I just don't know how or when. It will be soon though, I promise" I tell him. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I would have to break up with Noah the moment I kissed Hardin the first time. I can't date him if I have already betrayed him. It would always hang over my head like a dark cloud of guilt and I don't want that. The way I feel about Hardin is another reason I can't be with Noah anymore, I love Noah but if I really loved him the way he deserves to be loved, I wouldn't have feelings for Hardin. I don't want to hurt Noah but there is no turning back now.

"Talk to him about what?" he snaps.

"All of this" I wave my hands around. "Us" I explain further.

"Us? You're not trying to tell me you are going to break up with him.. for me are you?"

What? My head starts to spin. I know I should climb off his lap but I am frozen.

"You don't want me to?" My voice comes out as a whisper.

"No, why would you? I mean yea if you want to dump him go for it,  but don't do it on my behalf"

"I just .. I thought.." I start to fumble my words.

"I already told you that I don't date Theresa" he says. The only thing that makes me able to climb off of him is the fact that I refuse to let him see me cry, again.

"You're disgusting" I spit and grab my stuff. He looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't.

"Stay away from me from now on, I mean it" I say and he closes his eyes.

I walk as fast as I can to my room, I manage to hold in my tears until I get inside and shut the door. I am so grateful the room is empty as I slide down the door and break into sobs. How could I be so stupid? I knew how he was when I agreed to be alone with him, yet I practically jumped at the opportunity. Just because he was nice to me today I got it into my head that what? He would be my boyfriend? I laugh through my sobs at how stupid and naïve I am. I really can't even be angry with Hardin, he told me he doesn't date, but I thought today we had such a nice time, he kept his comments to a bare minimum and he was actually pleasant and playful. It was all an act, just so he could get into my pants and I let him.