After

Chapter 47.

I blink a few times to clear my frantic mind. I told him I would answer truthfully, but I am afraid to.

"Well?" He repeats for the second time since his initial question.

"Yea" I mumble and hide my face with my hands just to have him pull them away. Even his touch on my wrists sets flame to my skin.

"Yea what?" His voice is strained, like he is desperate for my answer.

"I missed you" I gulp, expecting the worse. What I did not expect is his sigh of relief, and the smile that appears across his beautiful face.

I want to ask him if he missed me but he begins to speak before I get the chance.

"Really?" he asks, How many times is he going to make me answer this? I nod in reply and he gives me a shy smile, Hardin shy? He seems to be pleased by my admittance, probably because he knows he has me wrapped around his finger.

"Now can I go back to sleep?" I whine, I know he isn't going to reciprocate my confession with one of his own and it is really late.

"Only if you sleep with me, as in the same bed of course" he smiles.

I sigh and lay down on Steph's bed , careful not to touch Hardin. A sudden yank on my legs causes me to yelp in surprise, Hardin lifts me off the bed and throws me over his shoulder. He ignores my kicking and pleas to put me down until he reaches my bed. He rests one knee on the bed and lays me down on the side against the wall and then lays down next to me. I glare at him silently, I am afraid if I fight him too hard he will leave and I know I don't want that.

He reaches down and picks up the pillow that I tossed at him earlier and places it between us as a barrier.

"There, now you can sleep" he smirks and I smile back at him, I can't help it.

"Goodnight" I half giggle.

"Night Tessa" he laughs back and I roll over on my side. I am not anywhere near tired so I just stare at the wall.

A few minutes later I feel the pillow move from in between us and Hardin's arm wrap around my waist and pull me to his chest. I don't move it, or call attention to his actions. I am enjoying the feeling too much.

"I missed you too" He whispers against my hair. I smile knowing that he can't see me. I feel the light pressure of his lips against the back of my head and my stomach flips. As much as I love it, I am left more confused than ever as I drift off to sleep.

...

My alarm goes off too early and roll over to shut it off. The memory of Hardin coming to my room last night flashes through my mind and I snap my eyes open to find Hardin sitting up next to, staring down at me with an amused smirk.

"You're cute when you're asleep" he teases and I sit up as quick as I can.

"What's the alarm for?" He asks and hands me my phone. I switch it off and climb off of the bed.

"I am going to get a car today, so you can leave whenever" I tell him and he frowns.

"You're obviously not a morning person"

"I am.. I just don't want to keep you" I feel a little guilty for being rude, but I had expected him to be rude as well.

"You're not. Can I come with you?"

"To look at a car? Why would you want to do that?" I am suspicious of his motives.

"Why do I have to have a reason? You act like I am plotting to kill you or something" he laughs and ruffles his hair.

"Well, I am a little taken aback by your cheerful mood this morning.. and you wanting to go somewhere with me" I admit.

"I just want to.. I don't have anything else to do" 

"I think counting the tiles on the ceiling would be more fun than coming with me" I do want to spend more time with him but my judgment is so clouded by him. He confuses me too much, there is too much back and forth between us. 

"Look, if you don't want me to go just say it and I will go" His annoyance is evident.

"I do, I just.."

"You just what?"

"I am afraid that you will be ..unpleasant to me the entire time" I turn away from him and gather my clothes. I need to take a shower before I go anywhere.

"I won't be. I promise, just let me show you that we could..  that I could be nice. It's just one day" he smiles. I feel like we are constantly trying to be friends, not be friends, stay away from each other, stay the night with each other, so much energy is put into whatever this is between us. Noah will surely break up with me and never speak to me again if he knows that Hardin stayed the night with me, in my bed, holding me as we slept. While I am lost in my thoughts it finally seems okay for me to admit that listening to Hardin's steady breathing in my ear while he slept was worth never speaking to Noah again.

I don't know what it is that keeps me constantly afraid of losing Noah, maybe it is my fear of my mother's reaction if we broke up, or maybe that my old self is so tied to Noah, he has always been there for me and I feel like I owe it to myself and him to continue our relationship. But I think the biggest reason is because I know Hardin can't and won't give me the type of relationship I need and honestly want from him.  

"Earth to Tessa!" Hardin calls from across the room. I have been standing here mentally debating with myself and forgotten Hardin was even in my room. "Is something wrong?" He asks and steps toward me.

Oh, nothing just that I am finally admitting to myself that I have feelings for you and want more from you but I know you will never care about anyone, especially not me.

"No, I was just thinking about what to wear" I lie. His eyes move down to the clothes in my hands and he tilts his head but doesn't say anything.

"So, can I come? It will be easier for you anyway so you don't have to take the bus. That's what you were going to do isn't it?"

He is right, it would be easier. "Yea"

"Yea what? You're going to let me take you or you had planned on taking the bus?"

"Both" I walk towards the door and he follows me.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"Coming with you"

"I am going to take a shower" I dangle my toiletry bag in front of him and he grabs it from me.

"Me too" he smiles. Damn co-ed bathrooms. He walks past me and opens the door without looking back. I rush to catch up with him and grab ahold of his shirt.

"Nice of you to join me" he jokes and I roll my eyes.

"We haven't even began the day and you're already annoying me" I tell him and he laughs.

A group of girls walks by us and into the bathrooms, they don't even try to be sutble about staring at Hardin. They aren't staring at him because of all his tattoos and pericrings, they are staring at him because he is hot.

"Ladies" Hardin smiles at them and they giggle like school girls. Well they are technically school girls but they are adults so they should act like it. I scold myself for being so angry at every girl that Hardin comes in contact with, he is single and he can do what he pleases, I just wish it was with me.