Broken remains of exo

Chapter 11

I was startled awake by my alarm clock the next morning,and pulled out of one of the worst nightmares ive had yet.
//Flashback//"
" Luhan!" I called out as i entered the house."I'm home!" The house was really cold and also eerily quiet-too quiet and i immediately knew something was wrong.something was very wrong.I quietly made my way upstairs trying to be really quiet,i sensed trouble.As i neared our bedroom,throught the slightly ajar door i saw blood.Loads of blood and Luhan repeatedly stabbing a girl in the chest.She was still alive.She looked so terrified,as she stared into my eyes,silently begging for help.I felt shivers going down my spine and as i took a step back to retreat and run away the floor boards creaked under me and caused Luhan to snap his head in my direction,pure rage and hatred in his eyes,cutting right through me with his stare.He threw the girls body on the bed and slowly started walking towards me,laughing insanely."Well,hello there,Sehun" he mocked me with his tone,i shivered once again trying to take another step back but my back hit the wall.Luhan took a few long strides towards me full of arrogance and agression hit me against the wall and grabbed my neck in a choke hold.His smile only got wider as he watched me struggle and turn purple."Oh sehunnie,baby,dont be scared...ill only hurt you a little bit"He chuckled darkly and with that he stabbed me in the stomach.I nearly collapsed but he was still holding me.We both heard the girl in the other room fall off the bed and Luhan quickly dragged me back into the room,handcuffed me to the headboard and made me watch as he mutilated the girl.I was crying;chocking on sobs and vomiting at the sight.When he was done he walked over towards me kissing me roughly and stroking my chest."now its your turn,Sehunnie"he smirked as he pulled out a gun.I froze."Lu-l-luhan,wh-what are you doing?please,put the gun away" he laughed."You're pathetic Sehun.Goodbye,see you in hell"and with that he pulled the trigger..

Sehun,SEHUN!!!! Wake up!!i jumped bumping into Chens shoulder.I looked up at him,complelty terrified."Its ok Sehunnie,your ok it was only a night are"i stiffened at the nickname as Chen stroked my back.I was crying in my sleep and my bed was drenched in sweat.The alarm clock was still ringing hurting my head with its shrill noise.Chen quickly reached over and turned it off.He sat beside me for a while hugging me and stroking my hair and excusing himself.I thought nothing of it as i got out of bed,and still on shaky legs made my way to the bathroom.I took a freezing shower to try and clear my mind but i didnt work.Where did this crazy dream even come from?i shuddered as i slipped away into my own train of thought.I came to the conclusion that the members are worried about me, and i need to talk to Kyungsoo because I promised him.I got out of the shower,got dressed and head downstairs,my head still spinning.I manage to walk into a wall and trip over someones shoes in the hallway before i to get to the kitchen and grab some coffee.I hate coffee but it keeps me awake so i drink it quickly and cringe at the flavour.I hate it but the aroma makes me think of Minseok and Minseok makes me happy so since im still scared from my nightmare and slightly emotionally unstable from my breakdown last night,i decide to go confind in him,and use him as my source of happiness,because Chanyeol is being too loud today.

Before getting to Xiumins room i stop by Kais and Kyungsoos bedroom and see D.o,
Chanyeol,Baekhyun and Chen practicing.I stop by the door and since its open i look in.Theyre singing promise.I get lost in their beautiful voices and in their emotions.This song means everything to all of us and i can feel every word they sing in my soul.It hurts,because all we ever think about when we hear this song is Kris,Luhan and now,Tao.You can see from their expressions they really got into the song.Chen and Kyungsoo have their eyes closed while Baekhyun has a single tear rolling down his face and Chanyeols eyes are also red.He doesnt cry though,he rarely cries.I feel tears building up in my own eyes so i decide to get going to talk to Xiumin.

I enter Chen and Xiumins room and i find Suho who is sitting on Chens bed,talking to Xiumin,but they both stop talking as soon as they notice me walk in and turn to look at me with concerned expressions.I flash them a confused look and raise my eyebrows,wordlessly asking for them to tell me what is going on.As usual Suho gets straight to the point"We heard you crying yesterday night" suho says,very seriously looking at me demanding an explanation.I glance around desperatly looking for any way to escape or avoid the subject,but i know i cant.Theyre my band members they deserve honesty.I sigh."yeah,thats true.Kyungsoo comforted me and tucked me in and i went to sleep." I tried to make it seem like its not a big deal,but im not that good at keeping my composure."Why were you crying?somethings wrong.Sehun you need to tell us,i think this situation is more serious than we all thought.."Suho trails off.He abruptly rises shaking his head and moving towards me"Sehun,get dressed.Were leaving"He looks back at Xiumin,who only nods and shakes his head and smiles sadly."Wae?.." I mumble,really confused,i thought i had the situation under control.

I just finished putting on my shirt when Suho burst through the door,grabbed my arm and started pulling out of my room.I groaned confused and startled by his sudden actions,i still had no idea as to what was happening.He pushed me into the car,got in himself amd started speeding down the highway.I got scared as i held on to the door tightly,i rolled up into a ball and try to calm down,i know Suho is tense by the way his jaw is clenched and his knuckles white on the stirring wheel holding it with more pressure than needed,i can also see how his veins stick out on his arms.In the rear view mirror i can see how his eyes are squinted..he is clearly distracted and nervous?sad even. Maybe he just doesnt want to talk to me and is using his body language to signalise it.I just avert my eyes and look out the window,avoiding the conversation we both know we need to have.

When i cant take it anymore i blurt out "Suho!...wh-whats going on..?" My voice dies down since i ever surprised myself with the random question.I hear him sigh quietly."we-i mean me and Xiumin;no actually me and all of the other members have noticed that you are struggling" Suho as always,cuts right to the chase.Im surprised once again,what does he mean? "Struggling?what do you mean by that?!"i question,almost offended,could it be that the members know me better than i know myself and they're actually getting onto something?"Well...we suspect that you might have a mental illness of some sort..Xiumins brother suffered from depression and anxiety before,so he knows a bit about it.He says he noticed your acting a little different,that you lost your spark..we just miss our old,bright,cheerful and bold maknae,and we feel you got lost in yourself."Suhos voice breaks as he quickly looks away from the mirror so that i dont see him cry.But i do.

For some reason i feel guilty..i made them all sad again...I quietly start blaming myself for everything bad that has happened,the angry voice in my head getting louder,abusing me yet again.I clutch my head tightly,feeling dizzy.I quickly try to grab a hold of myself,i dont want Suho to worry anymore.Maybe hes right...maybe theyre all right..maybe there is something wrong with me.Surely not everyone has such a problem with themselves and cant sit quietly without feeling themselves slowly going insane.My head still wont stop spinning,tripping over itself as it takes me into dark places where i have no control.

Ive been daydreaming and before i know it,Suho gives me a tight hug and im pushed into an office.A therapist or a psychiatrist office.Im getting diagnosed.I gulp as i look at the doctor.Its a male,who looks to be in his late 40s.My head hurts now and the voices are still going,getting louder and more prominant.Im going crazy.I fall on my knees off the chair as i clutch my head,shaking it vigorously.Its gotten so bad that im begging the noise to stop.I look up at the doctor with tears gushing out of my eyes."Save me"i hiccup,before i pass out..

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It physically hurt me to write this chapter,its an emotional rollercoaster.
ill try to post more regularly from now on:)
Until next time
~Byun BAEkyun^.^~