The Yellow House- Editing (New Chapters Added In)

Winning Me Over

The next morning, I laid there keeping my breathing even. The blanket was still firmly pressed to my back, and I felt Leo's arms wrapped tightly around me through it. I knew that when I let him know I was awake, this moment would end, and I'd have to let him go.

We couldn't carry on like this, and the sooner we stopped this the less it would hurt. 

Then again, in the future, would I hate myself for not letting this take its course? Would I lay awake at night with 'what if' dragging painfully through my dreams?

I fought the urge to groan with frustration, and concentrated on breathing deeply as well as his delicate warmth that was fluttering slightly against my cheek. I couldn't be sure with my eyes closed, but I guessed it was his cheek that was resting gently next to mine. 

For a long time, I stayed there, not wanting our time to end. Eventually, I felt him move next to me.

"I know you're awake." He said quietly; sadly. I scrunched my eyes closed more tightly, taking one last deep breath and memorising his hold. I rolled over slowly to face him, becoming even more wrapped in the blanket. I studied his eyes and his face. It held sadness, and apprehension. He knew what I was going to say. I decided that it could wait a few minutes.

"How?" I asked, just as quiet.

"You haven't stopped talking all night." He said, the tiniest ghost of a smile crossing his lips.

"I don't talk in my sleep." My eyebrows furrowed. "What was I saying?"

"My name, mostly. You were... asking me not to leave. You shouted at one point, then started crying." He looked pained. I was embarrassed. Apparently I did talk in my sleep- when I was distressed enough.

"Oh." Was all I could manage, watching my pillow intently. "You look sad." 

He paused for a moment, then sighed before explaining.

"I didn't like seeing you crying again." He shifted uncomfortably. "I also felt guilty. When you first fell asleep and started calling out to me, I was happy. You were either dreaming of me, or I was in most of your thoughts. I thought that was good, since you were thinking about me a lot."

He frowned deeply before continuing: "Then you started to cry, and it was obvious you were upset, and I felt awful for being happy about this to begin with. I couldn't do anything, but you shouted less when I held you."

The fact that my body had known it was him without smell, sight or sound had butterflies rising. Doubt was bleeding through me, and I had to cut it off before I changed my mind. I sat upright, turning my face away.

"Kiwi..." He said softly, and I felt subtle warmth touch my cheek and arm. Something inside me was pulling me towards him, but I struggled against it, getting up off the bed and walking to the opposite side of the room. I turned to look back at the bed. Leo remained there, his hand still reaching out from where it had been stroking my cheek. His expression revealed little of the pain that he was clearly feeling.

How did we get here? Two weeks ago, he left saying we couldn't be together. Just yesterday, I was so unbelievably pissed off that I was kissing Darren in an attempt to hurt him. Yesterday I wanted, more than anything, to see him break. Today, though, the sight of him breaking would take me down with him. 

"Leo, we shouldn't be like this. We can be friends, but that's all." I said. My heart ached when I noticed that there was no pile of books by my bedside. That meant he'd stayed up all night holding me and trying to stop me crying. "You shouldn't be here all the time too. I know you can't leave, and I don't want you to ignore me again, but I think there should be some distance."