Too Powerful? [COMPLETED!]

24- Heartbroken

Alex:

"Alex! Open the door!"

I could hear his muffled voice, and the loud, incessant banging on my door. I ignored the pleas, pulling my comforter over my head, sobbing.

How could he? Thinking of me as being unworthy of his attention? Considering other girls?

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to drown my emotions. I couldn't. All I could feel was a deep, wrenching pain in my gut, the kind of feeling that made you want to tear your heart out.

He's just a guy, Alex. Just one of the many guys who would break your heart, Alex.

But he's the first. I had never fallen for a guy so bad the way I had fallen for him. I gave another sob.

What will happen after this? Ever since the first week, Scott had always been there for me. He was the one I spent my days with. The one who I first turned to when I needed help. The one who made me laugh even when I was feeling down. 

He was my best friend here.

And now?

I turned over, and sobbed into my pillow, tuning all the sounds out.

I've lost my heart.

My brother.

My partner.

My protector.

My mentor.

My best friend.

At this thought, my heart squeezed even more.

How could this be so?

How could he have played such an important part in my life? How unfair is it that he means everything to me, but I nothing to him? How did I build my entire life around him, without me even noticing it? 

Tears leaked from my eyes, my stomach heaving with every sob. I had never felt this broken hearted in my life. Now I knew why people called it so. It literally felt that way. As if there was nothing inside of me, nothing to live for. As if I would never be happy again, never complete.

Despite myself, I began to think about how it felt like when I thought that Scott liked me. The pure happiness I felt when he thought about me, which was so very often. The butterflies in my stomach when I caught him staring at me, the summersaults of my heart I felt when he thought I looked pretty. In fact, I had imagined scenes of him confessing his feelings for me, of the trips we would take when I finish my training. Sometimes, I even allowed myself to conjure images of Scott and I, in a little quaint cottage. Having candle light dinners, cuddling by the sea.

But now?

I felt as if I could not stop crying. The plans, however far away it seemed, gone. Disbelief, that the one person who I had believed to honestly care about me, turning out to be just a figment of my imagination. I was alone in the world. Why should I stop crying? Even if I do, the pain of the loss would still be there, nothing would have changed. I didn't feel like getting up, despite all the noise. I didn't want to go on with life, pretending everything's okay. 

Nothing is okay. My parents are dead, I killed them. The only guy that was everything to me think it's stupid, the feelings he has. Or had. I wished I was anywhere but here, anyone but me.

I continued sobbing, my stomach hurting with every gasp, but it was nothing compared to how my heart felt.

Eventually exhausted, I gratefully allowed myself to be embraced by darkness, where everything was right. Let it be dark forever, I thought to myself drowsily, a few seconds before I lost my consciousness.

I don't have anything to live for.

Let it be dark forever.