Too Powerful? [COMPLETED!]

22- Making Decisions

Fan Fiction #22 / Romance #284 / What's Hot #534

ZOMG. i am so so happy! thank you thank you thank you! i've moved up 300-ish spots in two days, that's insane! thank you so uber mucho much!

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Alex:

"No, Scott, I want to try again! I can do it, I'm not tired at all!"

For the umpteenth time, Scott just pushed me back onto the bed, and heaved a big sigh. I rolled my eyes, and poked my tongue at him. I couldn't help it, I was so annoyed!

Seeing my reaction, Scott laughed. How dare he! Here I was, forced onto my bed, absolutely seething with indignation, and he's... laughing at me? I felt hot tears prick my eyes.

"You're... you're actually crying, Alex?"

Scott looked thunderstruck. I guess he didn't know how much I wanted to continue practicing. That, or he still did not realize how much I hate not getting things done my way.

Angrily, I wiped away my tears. "I'm not crying! And since you're so gung-ho about not letting me practice, I demand that you leave me in peace!" I shot back at him, trying to inject as much poison into my tone as possible.

"Alex, don't get mad! It's just that... it's been a terribly long day, and it's your first practice and all so I didn't want to wear you out! Please, look at me!"

Scott tried to take my hand, but I pulled it away from him, still upset.

"Leave, please."

Scott stiffened, and slowly stood up. Before he left the room, he gave me a final look; a look of sadness, hurt, and confusion, before he quietly shut the door leaving me alone in my room.

The silence was deafening. I heaved a sigh of my own. To be honest, I wished I hadn't asked Scott to leave. He was right; it had been a long day, and I was feeling kinda tired. And cranky too. In fact, I didn't know why I was so desperate to keep on practicing... Sure, it felt good, knowing that I already had some control over myself, but...

I frowned, and slowly made my way to the mirror. A teenage girl with long brown hair stared back at me. I studied my reflection carefully. It was the same reflection I had been seeing for the past 18 years; yet, I realised that I had changed some in the past months. Perhaps not physically, but emotionally, personality-wise, I was a totally different person. After my parents' deaths, my emotions felt as if they were on a roller coaster. In fact, if it weren't for Rogue and Scott, I would probably have lost it a long time ago. Everything was just so different nowdays! I was so used to life working out perfectly for me, so used to have decisions being made for me, that these past months... I just feel so... confused!

Aimless and without a sense of direction.

Sighing again, I plonked myself on the chair, and grabbed my compact powder. Carefully, I pressed the pad onto my face, before reaching for my eyeliner. I did my eyes, and then applied dark green eyeshadow liberally on both my eyes.

Perfect, I thought to myself, as two smoky eyes stared back at me, haunted. Now all I need is some dark red lipstick.

I opened my drawer, and tried to find my lipstick. After five minutes of fruitless searching, I began to get very annoyed. Where the heck was it? I turned my drawer upside down, and with every item I turned over, I began to get more and more frustrated. I got down on my knees, and threw the unwanted items into a pile beside the door furiously, cursing under my breath.

Finally, finally, I found it. Somehow, the lipstick had rolled underneath my dresser and I snatched it up angrily. I unscrewed the cap and... it was broken.

I couldn't help myself; all the tiredness I had been feeling just got the best of me. I threw the lipstick to the mirror, shouting. Apparently, I was stronger than I thought I was, for the mirror cracked, distorting my reflection. A crazy-looking girl, with messy hair and smeared eyeliner glared back at me.

At first, I was so startled, I forgot to be angry. Who was this lunatic? Why was she in so much makeup at this time of night? When I finally realized who she was, though, I sank to the floor in shock, trying to gather my thoughts.

What happened to me?

And then, as I sat there on the floor, the cold tiles against my thighs, I remembered what caused me so much distress.

It was the Professor's words. How I should not give in to my emotions. But then, how was I supposed to get better? It was a fact; I had to let everything out, to let my emotions control me, if I wanted to control myself.

But the Professor...?

It had to be done, I argued. The professor doesn't know everything, does he?

But he is the professor!

And I am a unique case, aren't I? In fact, I could easily be the most powerful mutant there is, right?

But the Professor knows so much more than I do! Surely there exists some wisdom in his words!

My shoulders slumped. I was so confused. As I let my eyes wander, they eventually landed on a photograph of my family and I, taken last year. I gazed back at my smiling self, so carefree with my arms around my parents. I scoffed to myself. If only I had known what was in store for me, would I still look that happy? Would I have told my parents how much I loved them? Most importantly, would I have done something to stop myself from turning into the freak I am now?

As I stared back at the trio, the perfect family, I made up my mind.

I have to do this. I have to learn to control myself. I tore apart a family once, I can't, and will not do it again. I will not mess up some kid's life just because I had to listen to some advice.

And with that decision, suddenly, everything seemed much more easier. Tomorrow, I would awake to a brand new day, and start practising again. I could do this. I would get better, with the help of my friends. I would apologize to Scott the first thing tomorrow, and we would spend weeks after weeks together. I would have a life again, nevermind if it would be completely different from the life I had grown up with.

Smiling, I let the thoughts consume my mind, before I finally let sleep welcome me.