Afterlife: Redemption

51

HARRY

My heart was pounding, echoing in my ears the moment I reached her door. I couldn't even hear my knuckles make contact as I knocked for the pulsing I heard in my body. I was steady, rapid and loud.

When she opened the door, and I saw, her, my heart stalled. For a moment, I heard nothing, and thought for sure it had stopped completely.

Even now, she made my heart stop.

"Harry," she breathed, completely shocked to find me on the other side of her door.

Well, that would make two of us.

I had spent the last three days agonizing over what to do. I couldn't stand the thought of facing her again. Knowing the moment I saw her, I would feel the pain again. Not that the pain had gone away, mind you, but I knew it would only intensify in her presence. That having to look in her eyes, would only remind me.

Her brother killed my parents.

Niall was incessant. Constantly badgering me to go to her. Telling me over and over how heart broken she was, how completely sorry she was. He said she didn't do anything wrong, so why was I punishing her?

I wanted to punch him in the face. Not just because he was driving me fucking mental, but because he was right. Because I was punishing her, for no other reason than by extension.

He had been non stop since Saturday, constantly bugging me. Whenever I thought he had finally shut the fuck up, he would start up again, telling me what a prat I was, that I was losing the best thing to ever happen to me, and that if I let her go now, it would be on me. I couldn't blame what happened before, I couldn't even blame her brother. Because it would have been my choice to walk away from her.

How the fuck had he gotten so damn smart? How had he learned more about life and relationships than me, when he could barely find his way home after a night at the pub?

Tuesday, I praised Jesus when Niall finally left for work. He was gone just before the lunch hour, and I knew he wouldn't return until later in the evening. I had a whole day of peace, to sit with nothing but my own thoughts. Not that my thoughts were pleasant or worthy of such focus, but it was better than listening to that Irish accented prick call me a dick every five bloody minutes.

Once he left, leaving me sitting on the couch as I had been for most days, it didn't take long for my thoughts to start tormenting me. Of course, I had already exhausted the thoughts of my parents, their death, the memories of that night. Now, it would seem that my mind was intent on focusing on what I was losing now.

Lane.

I couldn't push her from my mind. Thoughts of her smile, her laugh, her adorable temper. The way she would push me, challenge me, or swat at me for being dirty. The way her body felt against mine, her breath in my ear, her moans that I forced from her.

She consumed my mind, to the point where I thought I was going insane. Every time I closed my eyes, she was there. My brain was drowning in her.

Was I ready to lose her? Was I honestly ready to walk away from her, because of her brother? I had no fucking idea how to deal with him. No possible solution. But with her, it was a little easier.

I couldn't lose her. I had lost my parents from someone else's choice. If I lost Lane, it would be my doing. Niall was right, that I would have no one to blame but myself. And I wasn't ready to be the cause of my own misery.

I almost flew off the couch, pulling on jeans and a long sleeve, and venturing out into the day. It was the first time I had left the flat since Friday, and it honestly felt strange. To pass all these people whose lives had not been turned upside down. All these fuckers who had their parents, their lovers, and they weren't connected in some sick twist of fate.