Afterlife: Redemption

26

LANE

I hid my swollen and tired eyes behind the protection of my sunglasses, my body trying to lean casually against the side of the neighboring building, but failing. I was all but hiding at the corner, the red brick barely keeping my view from the glass high rise beside it. My eyes were trained on the door, and despite how tired I felt, I wasn't even sure if I had blinked in the last several minutes.

I knew I looked like a stalker, some creepy girl looking to pounce on her boyfriend. Granted, that fact was true, but my reasons were not infidelity or mistrust. They were the fact he was a fucking idiot.

I had spent my night before in a mixture of water logged silence, and body shaking sobs. The water logged silence lasted much longer than any instance of the same I had ever taken part in, to the point where Mia had even come knocking at the door to the bathroom, checking to make sure I had not fallen asleep, or drowned myself. Assuring her that I was in fact awake and alive with the use of some rather impressive curse words, she left me to my sullen mood until I found the energy and inclination to peel myself from the now cold water, and venture back out into the living room.

Here, I found her as I would expect; curled under a blanket, tea in hand, book in her lap. Her eyes never rose from her page, and I took a moment to try and determine if she was pissed at me for shouting at her, or giving me the quiet and reflection I seemed to want. Glancing at the coffee table, I noticed a second cup of tea sitting ready, steam rising from the cup.

Thankfully, it seemed to be the latter.

I curled up next to her, taking the cup and sipping on it silently. After hours of thinking, brooding and pining in the bath, my mind was exhausted and surprisingly empty. I wasn't sure if it was just too tired to think about anything anymore, or if it was boycotting the thought of Harry all together.

Even after all my time thinking while in the tub, I still felt completely thrown. I had known full well that Harry would not take well to my plans on taking another assignment so soon. I had no doubt we would argue, and it would probably take a while before we came to a compromise. He was nothing if not difficult, and even though I hadn't been looking forward to the conflict, I had been expecting it.

What I hadn't been expecting, was the resulting cause of our conflict. Where it started out as I assumed, arguing over my job, it had quickly turned into something I never thought we would fight about. Mainly because I never planned on telling him. I knew that was childish, and probably unfair, but when I told him he had real problems, and mine just didn't compare, I meant every word. He had suffered a loss, one that scarred him physically and emotionally. He had the right to his nightmares, and the right to his tendency to lock himself away. That didn't mean I liked it, but then again, I didn't have to.

My issue was not the same. Mine was clearly from a bystanders perspective; evoked simply from witnessing things that I just couldn't seem to move past. I hated the fact I had such trouble finding closure, knowing full well even before I left that things like I saw there happened, and would happen with my presence. I had been warned, I had seen images of the same, and I felt I was as prepared as I could be.

But nothing prepared me for the parts of my experience I couldn't get out of my head. And for some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to tell Harry. I knew I should, but I also just couldn't burden him, when he was finally starting to live again.

And my silence, it so happened, ended up being so much worse than my burden. Because in a momentary lapse in judgment, a slip of the tongue, I told him my troubles.

And I hurt him.

And just as I should have known, he shut down on me. Just as he had time and time again, despite all the progress and promises he made, he left me sitting in that café staring at the door he had stormed through long after I couldn't see him anymore.