enough // b. bennett

January 1st

This could be a "new year, new me" but the only thing new about this year, or last night maybe, was that I was being shown off as a girlfriend.

I went to the Penguins' NYE party with Beau. It was weird, I didn't like it. I would have rather gone to the company party, but he insisted I go with him. Spectacular idea, really. Let's show off the mistress-turned-girlfriend a few days after breaking up with former girlfriend.

I could feel them staring. The other women in the room. They were judging me. I could tell by the way they wouldn't smile at me when Beau introduced us and whispered behind my back. It's like high school all over again. I'm the same weird ballerina.

I get it, I was the other girl. I don't see what he sees in me either, honestly. I'm pretty average. I have a ballet body, meaning there wasn't much to me besides skin, muscle, and bones. I definitely didn't dress like these women. I don't turn heads when I walk in. I'm not being humble, self depreciating, or anything like that. I love who I am, even if I am a great dancer in an average body.

I ended up leaving early. I tried sneaking out unnoticed, but Beau chased after me.

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to say goodbye? It's not even midnight."

"I don't like being places where I'm unwanted. It was dumb of me to go, I'm going to the company party instead." Landon went alone. New Year's kiss, right there.

"What do you mean?"

"Beau, I'm the other girl. You cheated on your girlfriend with me. All of those women in there hate me. I broke you two up."

"If you're leaving, I'm leaving."

"If I'm a bird, are you a bird too?"

"Chelle."

"Beau."

"I'm serious."

"I'm going back to my apartment. Are you driving me or do I have to get a cab?"

"I'll drive."

It was quiet the entire ride home. Even as we changed and got into my bed, watching a movie.

He ended up apologizing, taking me out for breakfast. I never liked resolutions, as I could never actually stick to them. I wanted to stay away from Beau, but that wasn't going to happen.

Is this Stockholm Syndrome? Was I attached to him even though I knew how bad he was for me? Were those tickets some sort of conditioning for me to like him? Or the sex? Maybe I should've paid more attention in psych class.

Beau wanted to watch me practice which I didn't understand. It was going to be me messing up Red Shoes. My shoes right now are actually black. I'll break the red ones in if I actually get the part. That's something that I doubted. But I guess I didn't know until I tried.

I didn't understand why Beau's practice was optional the day before a game. I get guys need a day off from being checked, but still. It was a rare time I ever took a day off. Sure, some days are shorter than others but it's still practicing.

He wants me at another game, giving me three glass seats to the next time they're at home.

"Beau stop this."

"Stop what?"

"Trying to get me with tickets. I'm not that into hockey. I mean, I'll go to watch you but what even are we?"

"I thought we were seeing each other." He had a dumb look on his face but damn, was he beautiful when he smiled.

"Okay so we're not dating yet?"

Are we datin? Are we fuckin? Are we best friends? Are we somethin? In between that?

Donald Glover you brilliant man.

"No, I'd like to win you over and get to know more about you first."

Okay. I can get behind that.