Breaking Point

Howling At The Moons

The Doctor was just staring at her, the expressions on his face changing. She could practically feel the metaphorical gears in his mind turning.

"Doctor, say something."

He put his head in his hands running his fingers through his hair, like he was prone to do in this incarnation. "Rose, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She felt her heart stop, and all the color drain from her face. That was his 'I'm about to tell you that you're dying or something equally unpleasant and I can't save you' phrase. She looked over at his blue suited counterpart, who was looking back and forth between her and the Time Lord Doctor with an angry expression.

"Right," she said, standing up. She didn't know where she was going, or if she was even going to go somewhere. She just needed to move.

However, before she could move from where she was, the Doctor grabbed her hands and looked up at her. At that moment, his eyes were showing every second of the centuries he had lived, all the people he had lost. He stood up and cupped her face with his free hand, thumb caressing her cheek.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I never wanted any of this for you. I never wanted you to know that-"

"The thing is, Doctor, that it doesn't matter what you wanted," Rose interrupted, in a colder voice than she intended as she pulled back from him. "This is what happened, and you can't change it. I wouldn't want you to, even if you could."

"You say that now, but-"

"No 'buts', Doctor. There was a time where I saw everything, you really think I didn't see this as a possibility? Have you even considered the possibility that maybe this was my choice?" He looked like he had been slapped, and she knew that he hadn't even thought of it.

"Why would you choose this? Why would anyone? Rose, you're going to have to watch your whole family-" he exclaimed in a broken voice.

"Yeah, I know," Rose interrupted. "They weren't supposed to come, but it was a lot better to have everyone over."

He started pacing the room. "This is all my fault, if it weren't for me-"

"Then I wouldn't have ever existed," she interrupted him. "Now enough of this self recrimination you make a hobby of. My choices are my own responsibility. Not yours," she informed him, jabbing a finger into his chest. She then took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "Look, I understand that this is a pretty big shock. I remember when I found out, those of us who knew about it were all shocked."

He suddenly turned around and faced her again. "How long have you known?"

She leaned against the table staring him right in the eyes. "Since a week before Bad Wolf Bay."

He froze, eyes wide. "You knew then?" he questioned. "Why didn't you tell me? If I knew..."

"Don't," she firmly told him. "That's why. 'M not worth risking multiple universes for."

He turned to his part human counterpart, who had been watching them silently this whole time. "Don't you have anything to say about this?"

"No, actually, I don't, we've already been through this. Now it's your turn. Get it out of your system. Much better to tackle the problem right here, right now, get it all sorted, move on to the next one that crops up. One day at a time, every little bit counts, don't make mountains out of what's actually molehills." Rose raised her eyebrow in amusement at his antics. "...Welll, you get what I'm saying."

"Believe me, I've had this on my mind for years. I've examined it from a lot of angles."

The Doctor just looked at her for a moment, emotions warring on his face, ending with wonder. He came over and pulled her into a hug. "You impossible woman," he said, rubbing her back softly. "Are you ever going to stop surprising me?"