A Cure for the Blind

Chapter 25 - Share Our Secrets

Chapter Twenty-Five

Share Our Secrets

Lady Lenora consented to her entrance without ever taking her eyes from the book she was reading. Selina entered the drawing room, holding a trey with her mistress’s usual afternoon tea and gracefully placed it on the small coffee table. She poured the drink, stealing curious glances of her lonely lady.

Lenora didn’t seem to acknowledge her presence; the only movement she made was through the slow turning of a page. The sun complimented her nicely, making her pale skin glow and the age lines of her face seem softer, though it also made her look sadder, strangely tragic.

“Is Sir McGrath still here?”

“I believe he is, Lady Lenora.”

“That’s good.” Lenora sighed. “I have to make sure I can see him before he leaves.”

Selina contemplated the tea kettle as if it was the most interesting object in the room but her mind was far away. She wondered, once more, what drove Lenora to ask about Victor so many times, with such sadness. For a while, she thought her mistress might suspect him, as Jack seemed to, but over time, she came to realize that Lenora’s tone was never one of accusation or suspicion – in fact, it was the complete opposite. She always wore a tone and a stance of longing when she asked for him.

Nevertheless, Selina had to know. Lenora asked about him almost every day.

“Why do you care for him so?”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Once she realized her own daring attitude, her hand flew to her mouth and she eyed her mistress with fear. Lenora would, no doubt, find her rude and insulting and would send her away, perhaps forever.

Lady Lenora didn’t move, she seemed completely unhinged by the question, her stance still one of comfort as she held the open book. Only her eyes reacted. She lifted them from the old page and starred at Selina. Her expression was unreadable.

Selina bowed her head. “I’m really sorry, my Lady, I don’t know what came over me, I never meant to… I mean, I know it’s none of my concern, I mean no disrespect.”

Lenora’s eyes fell to the page again. Selina bowed once again and turned to leave, she wished to get out of the room as fast as she could.

“Have you ever fallen in love, Miss Beatrice?”

Lenora’s soothing tone, her innocent words, they held Selina in place. She returned her eyes to her mistress. It was like Lenora had never said a word. She was exactly in the same pose as before, eyes on the page and everything.

Selina considered the question. She had felt attraction before, though only twice.

The first had been the kind and cheerful son of the mailman, who always delivered her letters personally when she still lived with Edna. Dear Thomas would always steal her letters from his father, to deliver them himself at her door, each time offering her a different flower. He stopped showing up abruptly and his father told Edna that he had been summoned to the army.

The second was Jack. Her feelings towards Jack were stronger than they had been for Thomas and although she cared for him deeply, she couldn’t really say if she was in love. She supposed it was still too early for such strong feeling. She definitely wouldn’t mind staying close to him as long as it took. No man had ever had such strong effect on her, in such a short amount of time. If there ever was a man she could grow to love, it would definitely be Jack Skeffington.

She would never have the nerve to admit it to his mother, though.

Selina suddenly remembered her peculiar situation and it hit her like a stone, shattering all her visions and fantasies. Who was she fooling? She would never stay long enough with Jack. She would never be able to. She could never be that selfish, could she? She was murdering his father, she could never allow herself to stay with him, it would be beyond cruel and would hold no inkling of love. She shouldn’t be with him in the first place. Was her indulgence of her own selfish feelings and desires enough proof that she was even worse than she already found herself to be? Was she truly evil? Could it be called loved if it involved such a terrible price? Or was it just a twisted mockery of it?