All My Life

All My Life Ch 11

**** Hey guys, so I have been going through a very difficult time and have not had time to write. I was thinking about maybe writing about it, to help maybe... would anyone read it do you think? Please leave a comment and let me know. I think it would help me overcome my issue and I think it would help you lovely people understand why I haven't updated in a year. Thank you so much for your patience. I am sorry it has been so long****

Chapter 11

~~~~~~~Avery~~~~~~

I couldn't sleep, but that did not mean I could not dream. I dreamt about what the future would be like, I dreamt about what life would be like if I had not become what I am, I dreamt about losing Zayn. That was a nightmare. I shook my head as the image faded out of my minds eye. Zayn propped himself up on his elbows and looked at me quizzically.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes"
"Liar"
He knew. He saw the dream, the nightmare, the vision.
"Is it real?"
"No love, of course not", but his voice was tense and unsure, he spoke in a way I had not heard before.
"Don't worry" he tried to reassure me.
I looked into his eyes, the deep, dark eyes I had fallen so quickly and so deeply in love with.
He pulled me close to him. We were both so naked, but I did not feel exposed, or ashamed. Before this, I always had felt so self conscious, I had felt extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. But now, I felt confident, happy, like I belonged here in this moment with Zayn. I think I did belong. Finally.

~~~~~~~ Zayn ~~~~~~~

Avery took a breath, the deep, shaky breath she always took when she was having thoughts of her past. Our past. The time I was there with her, but not. I had always been there. I had seen everything, but not until now could I save her.
I thought to when she was young, just 7 years old, and her father was yelling at her. She was bawling, so he grabbed her by the hair and thrust her into the small space under the house. It wasn't a basement, just a space, with dirt floor, surrounded by the foundation of the home. She had spent many hours there prior to this incident, and she would spend many hours there on other occasions as well.
It wasn't that her family did not love her, they just did not know what to do with her. She was different. She was unlike her sister in almost every way possible. She had dark hair and green eyes, while her sister was blonde with brown eyes. She was smart, but she was also rebellious. She did not focus solidly on her studies, she wanted to go out, to see the world, to be adventurous. She wanted to travel and make friends and try new things. She refused to where her sister's cotton candy and pastel colored hand me downs. She preferred (and still does) black jeans, converse, and some sort of top, generally of the dark colored variety. Sometimes she talked back, she definitely had an attitude, though she was usually able I keep it under control. She would stay out late and forget to tell her parents she was okay, so eventually they gave up. They stopped looking for her. When she disappeared this last time, they did not start looking for two weeks, figuring she would be back sometime. But she never came back, and probably never will.
The scars of her past have broken her, there are so many things I wish I could have saved her from. So much pain. I wish I could have stopped her from breaking the razor blades out of her Bic razor. I wish I could have made her flush them down the day she dropped them in the toilet. But I couldn't. She pulled them back out. Being Avery, of course she cleaned them with soap and peroxide to ensure she didn't get an infection. But of course I couldn't, I could not let her know I was there. I had to sit outside the bathroom window and try to stop her with my mind. I couldn't watch, but I could hear her crying, I could smell the blood running down the drain.

~~~~~~~ Avery ~~~~~~~

I remembered Cameron. I remembered feeling on top of the world and then I remember being in the bottom of a pit. My highest high and my lowest low. He had made me feel beautiful, loved, like I had a place. He had crushed me, used me, and turned me to nothing. I remembered his eyes, staring blankly into mine as if I had not loved him and he had not loved me. It took me far too long to figure out that he hadn't. I had been a prop, a toy, nothing but something for him to do when he felt like it. I remembered him walking by me in the hallway like I was just another girl, because to him I was. I worshiped the ground he walked on, I kissed his ass like no other. I let everything slide because I was so insecure, I couldn't lose him. It would kill me, I was sure. And it almost did.
The night Zayn came to me, I was planning to be done. I was planning to finally free myself from this fucked up world. I was talking a walk down my favorite street in London, admiring the shops, really appreciating the perfectly rainy weather. I was going to get tea before walking to the bridge and leaping. It was strangely quiet that night. I recall feeling like I was being followed, then running, then his cold breath, and then waking up new.

~~~~~~~ Zayn ~~~~~~~
She was thinking about Cameron again, that goddamn piece of shit. I planned to kill him, but I hadn't gotten to it. Maybe she would like to do it with me.
The night I was finally able to reach her was the night she planned to die. I could not let that happen. I followed her, as I had almost her entire life. This night however, she noticed. She felt my presence somehow. I knew her plan, I was going to meet her at the bridge but she had made a detour, then noticed me and taken off. It wasn't my plan but it had to be now or I would lose her. She ducked down and into an ally, I of course caught her in seconds. I could feel her heart beating, shockingly calm. She was at peace. She thought I was going to kill her and she was alright with it, she was ready, she wanted it. She closed her eyes and took a breath and I hit her neck. Her body collapsed onto the ground. I moved to the back shadows in the ally and waited for her to wake up.