Kissing In Cars

23

A week later Jordan and I have come up with a list of things we need to do before the wedding. We set the date for a year and a half from now in October, so we have plenty of time to get started, but as Jordan said, the quicker we start the better. So here we are looking at a wedding checklist at 8am on a Tuesday.

"What kind of flowers do you want?" Jordan asks me. We're sitting at the island in the kitchen with our laptop and notepads, ready to bang out the easier details of this wedding.

I blow out a breath of air. "Ooh, I don't know. I didn't really think that far ahead. Do we even need flowers for our wedding? What flowers do you want?"

He gives me an amused look. "Well, I won't be carrying them down the aisle so I don't think it matters which ones I want."

He has a point. It doesn't matter if he wants roses or peonies, he's not the one that needs to hold onto them. I'll have to hold them as will any bridesmaid if we decide we're doing that. Jordan wants us to have a wedding party, but I think the smaller and simpler it is, the better.

"I like roses." I say. "I guess I'd like them in a different colour than just red, like maybe white or even blue? And maybe baby's breath too to make the bouquet look bigger."

"If you want blue and white then you will get blue and white, my bride." Jordan says, smiling as he jots down my preference in his notepad.

Ever since we got engaged, he's been so lovey-dovey with me. He's been calling me cute nicknames like "my bride" or "my love" and he's even thrown in the phrase "partner in crime" a couple of times. It's cute, but it's a bit much, almost smothering. He also insists on us waking up every single day with a kiss, even if it means the other person has to wake up just to kiss the other before going back to bed. I know he's excited and I am too, but I also think he's being overdramatic with all this lovey, romantic stuff.

"So, do we want our wedding colours to be white and blue then, to match the flowers?" Jordan asks me. "We can add some gold too, really tie the whole theme together."

We opted to follow a very extensive wedding planning checklist to get us started on our planning. According to the checklist, 12 months from your wedding you should be picking your theme colours and your wedding design. At 12 months out you should also be starting to book vendors, such as photographers, officiants, venues, bands, etc. 

"Those are good colours, I'd like that as a colour scheme." I say finally. I don't really care what colours we use for our wedding, I don't think it matters much honestly, but Jordan is hellbent on planning the perfect day.

"Okay so we can look into getting sample bouquets drawn up for you and matching ones as centerpieces on the tables. From there we can try and find decor that matches with our colours that we want." he says.

"We can do white table clothes with blue napkins and gold cutlery." I say to him. "And our flowers can be in transparent vases with gold ribbons. Maybe we could do candles on the tables too, some blue and some gold."

He furiously jots what I said down, clearly loving the idea and the active participation. I have a feeling that he's going to spend tonight looking for the perfect napkins, just like how he's been looking for the perfect everything since we started wedding planning. Sometimes he'll come into bed at 11pm and try to show me some wedding ideas he found during the day.

I look over at his notepad and feel nauseous immediately. He has so many things written down, so many things that we need to do in order to get married. Its all happening so quickly too, before I know it, it'll be the day of our marriage. I thought that I would be excited about the thought, and once I was, but right now it feels... weird. It feels like it shouldn't.

"Do you want to check out bands first or photographers?" he asks. "I'd prefer photographers first."

"I think its a bit early for booking, don't you?"

"The checklist says-"

"It says 12 months, we're more than 12 months out. We have like 16." I point out.

He sighs and puts his pen down to the side, then turns and looks at me. "Whats going on? You don't seem excited for this."

"No, I am!" I protest. "Its just a lot. I mean, we only got engaged a week ago, right? And now we're here trying to plan an entire wedding right away as if we'll run out of time or something." I explain to him. 

He furrows his brows together. "I thought you wanted to get everything done as early as possible so that when it gets closer to the wedding we can relax."

"I do, but this is maybe too much too soon? Jor, it's been a week and we're already talking about bands and photographers and wedding colours. Don't you want to just enjoy being engaged for a minute without worrying about any planning?"

"I thought you'd be excited about this stuff." he says, a worried expression on his face. "You wanted to get married a month after we met."

"And I still do." I say to him. "But I think we're doing things a little early. If the checklist says we should be doing certain things by 12 months, is it not crazy to be doing them four months early?" 

"You're right." he says slowly, but I can tell he's upset. 

"I have to get to work, but I'll look into wedding cake ideas when I'm there, okay? I'm thinking white cake with blue and gold frosting for detailing. I'll draft up some ideas by next week." I say to him, loving the way he perks up when I mention the cake.

"I can't wait to see what you come up with." he says, pulling me in for a quick kiss. "Have a good day at work, I love you."

"I love you too." I say then get up and start getting ready for work.

Just before I leave I glance into the kitchen one last time where I see him still looking up wedding ideas. With a heavy heart I realize that I don't deserve that man.