Fucked up || Tom Kaulitz

Voices.

Tom let out a breath he held in. His eyes widened a bit, his heart pounding hard and loud. All he wanted to do was kiss her, her eyes were radiating happiness, gentleness, something he was trying to find for so long. And he knew that what he wanted was her. Fucking her. That angered Tom so much to the point he wanted her gone, away from him. But at the same he wanted her close, hold her, feel her. He wanted to be hers again, to be her baby, her guidance, the person she calls hers.

Now that he held her in his arms he felt unsure, he was stuck in his own paradox from which he wanted to set himself free. His head spinning in ways it shouldn't making him all more vulnerable. His eyes softly flickered to her lips a magnetic pull making him lean in slightly.

Their lips centimetres apart, Tom could feel Lydias' chest rise up and down against his, he could feel her shaky breath against his skin. He could smell her cherry chapstick which he longed for.

Lydia closed her eyes, feeling Tom against her after all these years felt strange, she felt happy, weird, sad and confused. She wanted to kiss him so bad, she wanted him to hug her. She wanted him to go away, leave her alone, never speak to him again.

Millimetres before their lips met they both connected with the reality. The sudden urge to go away spread through their bodies as Tom leaned away. Their hearts pounding against each other for a fond moment felt surreal.

"I'm sorry" Lydia whispered, her body pushing away from Tom, his hands left her skin leaving it hungry for more. Her eyes fell at his watch, that silver band grazed his arm gracefully. A smile creeping onto her face, she looked away.

Tom cleared out his throat, making the silence more than awkward. His eyes were locked onto hers, his hand slightly glancing the hem of his pocket. A familiar box meeting his fingers once he put his hand inside. He pulled out the red box pushing his hand towards Lydia, who now looked at him. Blush spread onto her face as she met his eyes.

Her head was full of thoughts, the feeling of his lips so close to her lingered in her mind. His sweet smell radiating around him. Voices in her head yelled at her that she was stupid, she should leave. They also yelled that she should fall into his arms and kiss him softly, hug him. Her heart being more than confused. What she felt for Tom was surreal. It was nonexistent, the most beautiful and awful thing she experienced.

"Cig?" Tom asked, his voice raspy. His german accent hit her ears. Fuck how she missed that accent. The tie in her stomach becoming tighter and tighter each second she stood next to him. She nodded softly, her eyes leaving Toms and meeting the cigarette.

He smiled for a moment remembering how they smoked once on the balcony. The memory burned into the back of his mind. That day he wanted to be nice to her. Seeing her on that balcony made him want to be close, talk like two people that for once didn't hate each other. He wanted to see what she was up to, how her life was. But his mood changed once he was next to her and he hated himself for that.

Lydia put the cigarette into her mouth, red lipstick printing onto the orange filter. She watched as Tom lit up his cigarette, the smoke leaving the sides of his mouth. He looked gorgeous, magnificent even. In her eyes he would always be the boy she loved. Even if she hated him, she would always love him. She waited patiently for Tom to light up her cigarette, instead he pulled hers out of her mouth pushing his in. The smoke filled up her lungs as Lydia inhaled sharply. A soft cough leaving her body as she took the cigarette out.

Toms' eyes shot up as he heard Lydia cough. He hurriedly patted her back leaving her in more shock than she was in already. She sent him a quick thumbs up letting him know she was okay. The red lipstick printed onto his lips and God Lydia could stare at that all day every day. A soft giggle left Toms' mouth as he walked back a few steps, his back meeting the hard brick wall behind him. Lydia listened as Tom giggled, it felt strange to share a moment like this with him after all these years.

He looked back up at her, cigarette in mouth he exhaled. The smoke circling around them making the whole place fog up. And there again the lipstick print glazed his lips. Her eyes staring at his lips made Tom smirk. No words left his mouth though. A comfortable silence falling on the whole scene.

Tom looked into the city scanning the cars and buildings in front of him as he heard Lydias' footsteps slowly approach him. Her back hit the building next to him, their bodies centimetres apart. The heat radiating from Toms' body felt so awesome against Lydias' cold skin. She was freezing and it could be seen by now, her hands were shaking, her jaw was shaking. She was shaking.

Tom looked down watching the girl shake uncontrollably, he pushed himself off of the wall unbuttoning his blazer. He took it off looking at Lydia who was already looking at him, signalling for her to stand up next to him. Lydia did exactly that letting Tom do whatever he pleased.

His arms softly glazed against Lydias' skin as she felt Tom put his blazer on her. The hot fabric relaxing Lydia instantly, a smile plastered on her lips as she pushed herself against the building again. A groan left her body as her back hit the bricks, Tom turned around smiling at her. That stupid sweet smile made Taylor feel like a little kid once again.

Tom walked over to her. They stood face to face, the smoke flying into their faces which made Lydia turn her head to the side. Tom grabbed her chin pushing it back so she'll face him once again. Her heart dropped slightly as she watched his movements, he crept up closer. The cigarette still lingered in his lips as he blew the smoke from the side. A smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he watched the girl underneath him catch her breath.

"Tom!" A voice yelled making them both look into the far distance. There stood Bill looking at Toms' back. Thankfully Lydia was covered, if Bill saw her this whole thing would've been awkward and uncomfortable. Lydia cuddled into Tom to make herself smaller, not seen.. a no one.

Tom coughed looking down at the girl before looking back at his twin. "Gleich Bill, ich bin beschädtigt" (in a minute Bill, I'm busy) Tom said, his voice stern but from up close it could be heard that panic was set deep down. Bill groaned in frustration. Lydia froze as she heard footsteps, her heart racing. Tom waited for Bill to leave. In fact he waited more than was needed.

He waited just because he liked her on him. He liked how her body radiated heat back onto him. He fucking loved her body against his.

—————————————————————————

"Gib mir jetzt die 50€, Georg" (give me that 50€ now Georg) Gustav laughed putting his hand in front of Georg who looked pissed. His hand fiddled with something in his pocket before a 50€ bill appeared in his hand. He smashed his hand against Gustavs' with a groan. Bill laughed next to them.

When Lydia and Tom left together, the boys decided that a bet would be a fun way to start this reunion. Bill and Gustav both agreed something is going to happen once they leave the party, Georg said otherwise. He felt it in his bones. He knew nothing was going to happen. Not tonight, he saw that Lydia fainted, he knew Tom wouldn't try anything. At least he hoped.

—————————————————————————

"Tom is he gone?" Lydias' voice softly whispered as she looked up at Tom. His hand pressed her face against his chest again. The touch sending shivers down Lydias' spine. Her face against his chest made Tom feel something in his heart he felt only when he was with Lydia. And he started to hate that it was only Lydia that made him feel like this.

"No"

__________________________________

Don't forget to vote!