Fucked up || Tom Kaulitz

Your eyes.

Lydia walked out of her limousine onto the red carpet. Her head was low, reducing the amount of photographs taken. Her head was spinning, a headache slowly making its way out which angered Lydia. She knew all of this was because of Tom. For the past 15 minutes all she did was think about Tom. The way his eyes looked into hers, it reminded her about the time they were young. His eyes so gentle, hungry for love. All that she saw in them when she met him today were those feelings. Hunger and gentleness. Her stomach was tied in a knot, making it unable to breathe for her. Her heart was pounding against her chest, Lydia waited for the moment she would have to be head to head with Tom. She hated herself for wanting to meet him.

And how she hated that. For the past two years Lydia hadn't thought about Tom. She even forgot he existed, she was so glad she could let go of the hurt that hugged her anytime she was near Tom. All that confusion that has ended two years ago came flooding back. The second she saw Tom, the confusion came back, the hatred came back, the memories came back. She wanted to go away, run away again. Get away from him like she did two years ago. On the other hand she wanted to clash into his arms. Be held by him. Be his again.

Lydia finally looked up, a fake smile tugging at her lips as she posed for the paparazzi once again. Fans swooped over the barriers to get as close to her as they could. All this fame scared Lydia, the constant danger she was put in wasn't healthy. Her lifestyle wasn't healthy. She looked at the cameras, only to be blinded in response. The demands of people were harsh and stern, which angered Lydia even more. Everything she meant for people was a stupid Barbie doll that would do as they say. She hated herself for doing this. She hated how people loved her. She hated that Tom once loved her.

She walked into the hall where the after party was held, loud music covered her ears and Lydia felt more like fainting than having fun. Her manager stopped beside her, his hand rested on her shoulder as he kindly smiled at her. "Go have fun" he whispered into her ear. Lydia smiled back and nodded in return. Nodding her head was the worst idea that came to her mind, a jolting pain took over her scull for a moment before it calmed down. Lydia walked into the crowd, celebrities danced all around her, some were sat eating their food which looked so appetising. Lydia looked around trying to find someone who she was close with or at least knew. Models hated her, singers wanted to fuck her and female singers weren't really talkative. So all that was left was being all alone. Which wasn't a problem, it just felt weird to not have someone to talk to. She missed Gustav for that exact reason. She could tell him everything and anything that came to her mind.

She looked through the crowd when someone bumped into her, she turned around looking up at a man she missed so much. "Gustav" she smiled fully turning around to face him. He wore a suit that hugged his body perfectly, he looked good. He smiled once his eyes finally landed on Lydia, his arms wrapped themselves around her body pulling her closer. "Lydia oh my god" he mumbled into her ear like a little child. His voice was full of excitement and happiness.

They finally broke off the hug walking into a hallway leading to the bathrooms. It was quieter there, and that also meant no people eavesdropping on their conversations.

Gustavs' eyes lit up the moment they were alone, a teethy smile on his face. He looked the same as he did two years ago. He looked like that young boy Lydia met once, and she loved that. Smiling up at him she asked, "how are you?" A genuine question that lingered in her mind for a while.

Ever since Bill called her that day, all she wanted to do was talk to them. But she couldn't, her heart wanted to but her mind stopped her. She wanted nothing to do with them again. Ever since that day questions were stuck in her head. Were they okay? Did something happen? How are they? Do they hate me? Did they forget about me? What did Bill mean by "he needs you"? Why did I leave? All these questions lingered in her mind 24/7 and they ate Lydia up.

"Awesome. Lydia I'm so glad we met. I wanted to talk to you about something for so long" Gustav confessed making Lydia curious. Her eyebrows shot up in a curious manner waiting patiently for Gustav to spill his heart. "I'm getting married." He confessed. That simple sentence sent fireworks off in Lydias' heart. A huge smile tugged on her face and she couldn't contain herself anymore. She just hugged Gustav tightly. His arms stroked her back as he laughed at the girls' reaction.

"Gusty congratulations! I'm so happy for you." Lydia giggled through her teeth looking up at Gustav, genuine happiness spread through her body after two years. And it felt awesome. She felt as if she was home.

"Thank you," Gustav said pulling out his phone. Turning it on he showed his wallpaper to Lydia. There was a woman, her smile captivating. Her brown eyes were full of excitement as she stared into the camera. "This is Linda, my fiancé" he said smiling to himself like a little child. Lydia looked back up at Gustav with tears in her eyes.

"She looks beautiful Gustav, I'm genuinely so happy for you." She said softly. She held in a sob, the tightness in her throat spreading out. Gustav now looked at her with panic, his eyes scanning her face. He was confused by the sudden reaction of Lydia. He watched her look down at the floor. "I'm so sorry" she mumbled, a tear falling from her eye. Gustav wrapped his arms around her once again pulling her into a tight hug.

"No need to be sorry, I understand why you left and I'm not mad." He reassured Lydia, his tone soft and gentle. His arm riding up and down her back softly calming her down.

She looked back up at Gustav, a smile tugging at her lips. "I hope I'm invited to the wedding." She chuckled, wiping the tears away Lydia looked into a mirror making sure her makeup was intact.

"I would rather die than not have you at my wedding Lydia" Gustav said laughing. His eyes shooting up a few seconds later, panic spreading through his face again.

Lydia looked up only to be met with the pair of eyes she tried to forget. The three men stood in front of her staring at her in pure shock. Bill had his mouth open, Georg stood there his eyes wide. Her eyes flickered to Tom whom's face was covered in confusion. His eyes trailing up and down Lydia finally meeting her eyes. His brows furrowed and his jaw clenched.

Lydia gasped as she watched them. The tension could've been cut with a butter knife. Moments later Tom turned around walking away. The first thing that came to Lydias' mind was to follow him. And she did exactly that. She ran through the hall behind Tom sending daggers into his head hoping he'll stop. And it worked, he stopped turning around only to feel Lydia collapse into his arms.

Panic set through Tom as he watched the unconscious girl in his arms. Her body was cold, almost sending shivers down Toms spine. He held her up, his arms going under her legs and back. Walking through the crowd he finally left the hall.

The girl he missed so much was in his arm, all he wanted to do was kiss her. Hug her, feel her on him. His mind was playing tricks again. And he hated that. He hated how Lydia made him feel. When she left he fell into a hole of alcohol and sadness reminding him of the day he came back to see her with another man. That day Tom drank a whole bottle of whiskey which almost resulted in him dying. His mind was full of her, he hated her so much to the point all he wanted was her. That day Bill called Lydia crying and begging for her to come back. That day did something to all of them without even knowing.

Lydias' mouth slowly opened, a soft groan leaving her perfect lips. Her eyes fluttered, slowly opening only to be met with the familiar brown orbs she longed for. Tom watched as the girl woke up, his arms around her protectively waiting for the next thing to happen.

"Your eyes" she mumbled quietly to herself. Tom sucked in a breath. Fuck he missed her voice. He missed it so much, he missed her in general. Every single detail on her body was a work of art that Tom got tattooed into his mind. He waited patiently for Lydia to finish her sentence, his heart pounding in his chest. It made him mad. She made him mad. He hated her for gods' sake, why all of a sudden did he want her. "I missed them."

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